Settle an argument please

[PuffyLittleCloud]

Nc for this.

Please vote!

Argument:

DC have covid.

Parent A has health anxiety and ocd. Their reaction to dealing with the situation is to clean a lot and limit time with time with DC in the same room, open windows, wear masks etc. Therefore, their time has been spent on cleaning and not with DC, doing delightful activities like crafting, baking, garden games etc.

Parent B does not suffer with those conditions. Parent B is able to WFH so has done, in an outbuilding at the end of the garden. Had a long standing arrangement for an event this weekend, which they attended, taking them out of the house for most of the day.

Parent B has criticised parent A for not spending time with DC. Parent A responded by saying Parent B chose to attend organised event rather than spend time with DC too. Parent B says this is not the same thing, and no wonder Parent A makes Parent B feel like a bad parent, it is completely different.

YABU - Parent A is right, choosing to attend the event is the same as choosing to clean rather than spend time with DC.

YANBU - Parent B is right, it is completely different, it was not a choice between an event and DC.

*or not

Person A is not unreasonable to manage this situation to the best of their ability providing kid is safe and fairly happy etc

Person B is reasonable to go to an event as kid is not ill and has other parent at home.

Person B is unreasonable to criticize person A full stop. Also particularly unreasonable to critics for not spending time with kids when person B is going out, and the impulses are different - going out because you want to vs keeping some kind of distance because that's how you're managing the OCD/virus situation. Also if person B was really that concerned they would stay home to be present with their kid/support their partner. Obviously not too concerned though as going out so unfair and mean to throw a criticism person A's way.

Btw, @PuffyLittleCloud please take into account the fact that MN is very strongly geared against anyone having some form of illness/disability.

You have some MH problem? You should get in with it, get some help and properly engage with it and still act as if you had no issue at all.

You have some physical issues? You should still get in with it, adapt and still act as if you had no issue at all. Just push through because you always have someone who has that plus more and they were ‘fine’.

And if you have some physical issues such as a chronic illness or some LT MH problems, you are still the bad one because do you realise how hard it is to live with someone with issues like that?!? Your partner is sacrifying so much!

I suspect these views have clouded a lot of the answers on this thread!

Both are unreasonable. Poor kid is sick and noone seems to want to care for him/her

I think both parents may have a point...but parent B lost the argument when they criticised parent A for doing something while doing the exact same thing

@Carpetsareforflying how would you care for an asymptomatic child effectively?

I think parent B was doing piling their guilt onto parent A.

If parent B was truly concerned they should have cut back their activities. Parent A was taking precautions so they hopefully don't catch Covid.

Parent B can't have a pop at parent A, especially as they have now taken Covid outside the house, and that makes them a twat.

But what happens to the children when parent A gets covid, will parent B step up then?

Parent B is a hypocrite and projecting.
Parent A has done nothing wrong.
I used to avoid my (older) dc if they had a bad cold!

Poor child, having a parent actively avoid them because they are unwell. Parent A is unreasonable not to get a better grip over their issues, rather than treat an unwell 9 year old like a leper.
Parent B is not unreasonable to continue their plan to go to an arranged event because they have an unwell but asymptomatic child in the house with their other parent who has no plans to be anywhere else. I'm not getting into whether or not they should've gone because of infection potential as that wasn't the basis for the AIBU and it meets current guidelines.

@JurgensCakeBabyJesus but the question wasn’t whether parent b was unreasonable to go?

It was in that parent A is using it as an example of them unnecessarily choosing to not spend quality time with the sick child, it wasn't it was simply them continuing with a pre arranged plan, it can't be compared to patent A purposefully being in a different room to the child for the duration, and staying that the child would need to entertain themselves while B was out all day, because they wouldn't spend time with the child

All I have to say is why the hell dud B go out when they quite possibly have Covid?

Parent B sounds like a selfish arse and should have been at home more supporting their family.

Parent A and B need to get a grip.

Parent A could've done a bit of cleaning and spent some time with dc.

Parent B had to work but I also don't think they should be out gallivanting with covid in the house regardless of what the 'rules' are.