To ask how to make my cold and sad home cosy?

[Cacticus12345]

I’ve been away for 3 weeks helping a relative and have returned home to a cold, dark rather miserable (and messy) house.

I live alone so don’t have the family warmth and activity I can see through people’s windows at this time of the year

What can I do to make myself feel better and feel cosy at home?

A cat 😊

Duvets with covers that make you happy, not just on the beds.

[quote Cacticus12345]@MatildaIThink - I don’t have any children - I’m late thirties[/quote]
Do you think there might be an element of feeling you are missing out on a family situation and that is perhaps making you feel that way? Christmas to me has always been about children, but seeing other people spending it with children is something I can totally understand might add some feelings in if one were alone.

My brother is a similar age to you and the last 20 months has been very hard on single people, regardless of how resilient they are.

Re flowers, buy a poinsettia.

Focus on one room and get going! Get it tidy, cleaned and vacuumed. Go to Dunelm and get supplies like po have said. A couple of cozy cushions, a blanket or throw or 3, a new lamp to brighten up one corner and a Xmas tree.

If you've got the energy, sort out the kitchen. Aim for a clear and clean sink and tackle any laundry.

Last job of the day is sort your bedroom out. Even if it's just tidying it up, bed made, ready to start the week in a better place.

I'd love to have a home all to myself! Get out of bed. Make coffee. Get dressed and get out. Clear your head and when you get home, tidy up. Once you've tidied up have a look online for things you like and then order. Dunelm mill has lovely sheepskin rugs, those are cosy. Also, if you have a smart TV then load YouTube and search for cosy ambience scenes. Cosiness is bunkering down with a book and a blanket. Nobody's houses are "glowing with family", this isn't the Little Match Girl. Hope that helps. Sometimes I have to tell myself to get an effing grip and once I've procured a pack of biccies and hot chocolate supplies, I feel much better.

Burn some incense. Heating on. A nice candle. Tidy up.

What colour are your walls?
Maybe think of painting a wall or all of them?
Cleaning and decluttering will make a huge difference.

Well, I'd start by having a good tidy up, clean and put the heating on.

Then, if you want to make decorative changes, table lamps and wall lights give a much cosier feel that overhead lights. Personally, I can't stand candles and they pollute the air in your home, so I only light them occasionally and will always make sure there's good ventilation, which isn't good for cosiness on cold, winter's days.

A cat makes a house a home too IMO, but appreciate that's a matter of taste!

+1 on lighting.

Make sure your lightbulbs are warm not cool colours. You want warm white or soft white

www.thelightbulb.co.uk/resources/colour_temperature/

I use lamps in the hall, dining room and lounge, makes it far cosier than a big light. If possible get a warm tone bulb rather than bright white.

Cushions can make a place look cosy, as can tidying up and clearing away stuff. Some nice pictures on the wall. Also look at furniture place,ent, just moving a unit to another wall can make a difference. As can removing furniture in a cramped room

I also have some nice smelling candies i light at night

At this time of year my tree is up, the lights and baubles look great

Also, I appreciate your house is cold but before you put the heating on I recommend opening ALL the windows to banish your mood. Sounds daft but it's a physical act I like to do when I need to shrug off the depression which likes to shroud me from time to time. You've got this.

GET UP THIS MINUTE. Lying in bed as I know all too well, simply ends in tears. It's the quickest way to feel absolutely shit by 5pm.

It's appallingly hard. I live alone too. Rugs and side lights, overhead light off. Real flame if you can. Mark day and night with curtains open and shut. Shower every day if you can. Good luck spring will come

I mean this gently but laying in bed won’t make it warm and cosey. Force yourself to get up and have a shower. Get dressed then get it tidied, put the heating on. Then either put your Xmas tree up, or pop out and buy one or order one, you can pick them up quite cheaply if money is an issue.

Soft lighting in the evening, and an oil diffuser with a lovely smell helps. I use a gingerbread one at the moment and it’s a very warm and comforting smell.

Beautiful blanket. Softest rug. Little lamps. Candle. New big mug and best warm drink. New pj's. All available at your local super market, chuck your jeans on over your Jim jams and on you go. Oh, and and . You'll enjoy tidying up when you get in putting your new cosy things out.

If you can't face a big tidy-up, just do one little space, if possible where you can sit and look at tidiness. It can be your special snug place to relax.

Once you've managed that, it may well cheer you up and give you the ambition to expand that little sanctuary by doing more tidying.

I often put the radio on in another room to stop the silence being quite so loud. A ‘live’ station, such as Radio 4, is the best for me.

@Bluntness100

I mean this gently but laying in bed won’t make it warm and cosey. Force yourself to get up and have a shower. Get dressed then get it tidied, put the heating on. Then either put your Xmas tree up, or pop out and buy one or order one, you can pick them up quite cheaply if money is an issue.

Soft lighting in the evening, and an oil diffuser with a lovely smell helps. I use a gingerbread one at the moment and it’s a very warm and comforting smell.

I agree, but I would start smaller.

OP, it can be really hard to motivate yourself to get out of bed and get started. I once read a book on depression which recommended that if you find it hard to face getting up, just set yourself a little goal and give yourself permission to return to bed once you have done it.

For example, maybe just get up, have some tea and toast and do some small task to get a sense of accomplishment - maybe the washing up. Then you are allowed back to bed.

Usually once you are up, it won't seem so bad and you won't feel the need to go back to bed after all. The key is having permission to return to bed if you want. That way, getting up isn't such a hurdle.

I've just put on a Spotify Christmas carol playlist of the choir at King's College and my cosy factor has gone up a few notches.

Woolly jumper and woolly socks made from real wool 🐐🐑🐏

I agree with previous advice about cleaning, tidying, lighting and Christmas decorations.

Having done all that (or even just a bit of that), invite people into your house. Maybe a group for a fancy meal, maybe one friend for Nachos and a movie, maybe a neighbour for coffee, it doesn't matter - just get people moving through your space. The pandemic proved to me that I need external witnesses to prevent us sliding into a dingy rut.

@Cacticus12345

Thank you, I’m in bed, struggling to get up at the moment, wasting the day which is not making me feel good :((

Don't try and radically transform your house. Just choose a corner. Tidy it, decorate it, then decide whether you want to do another corner or go back to bed.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time.

Lamps on a timer can make it more welcoming when you come home. For me, being cold is the worst thing, so can you change your timer so it's a bit warmer when you come in? At least in one room. Other than that, throws, plants, and art on the walls.

Fairy lights.

Tbh I often feel like that when coming home after a few weeks and there has been no one in the house. This has happened when I’m on my own or with the whole family coming back together (an H and 2 teens!).

First if all, know this will pass!!

The second thing that helps for me is to make the place my own again.
So yes music and candles can help. But just sorting the mess out (or creating some when I have come back in perfect house!), cooking so there are some nice smells going. Basically settling down again in the house as if it want my own if that makes sense.
I imagine tomorrow you will be back into the normal routine (of work?) which will help too.