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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ enabled for each other?

308 replies

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 02/12/2021 19:05

I know this isn’t really an AIBU. Discussion with a friend.

Do you and your partner both have ‘find my friend’ (or similar tracking app) installed so you can both see where each other are?

Interested to see views!

YABU: don’t be silly, that’s really intrusive and unnecessary.

YANBU: it’s perfectly normal, especially if you have kids.

I’m somewhere in the middle, depending on circumstances, although we do have ours turned on most of the time.

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 02/12/2021 20:48

We have, but in 9 years I’ve looked at it twice. It does rather depend on context, there’s 0 issues of control with us.
DH uses it to find my lost phone rather more often (I shriek that I can’t find it all the time).

SSOYS · 02/12/2021 20:49

For the kids, yes. I think I also share my location with them and my husband.

He doesn’t share as he finds the idea a bit weird and that’s fine with me. I’ve no desire to track him.

OneTC · 02/12/2021 20:49

Sorry for the hijack but what is WhatsApp live location? Never seen this on there

When sending a pin/location you can opt to send one that follows you about or a pin that marks a specific spot

SW1amp · 02/12/2021 20:49

Btw,
If you have an app like this installed and want to know if someone is using it to track you, your phone will tell you…

On an iPhone, next to the time is a little arrow
When none of the apps are using your location, it is blank in the middle

If an app starts using your app - such as your DH finding where you are, the arrow goes solid white
(Or another app with location services enabled, obvs)

Earwigworries · 02/12/2021 20:50

We don’t - I like iPhones he doesn’t - tonight when he was late and de piped up maybe he’s dead .. it might have been useful

YuleHaveAWonderfulChristmas · 02/12/2021 20:51

I wouldn't bother me although I can't track anyone and noone can track me

If I really want some one to see where I am I send them a WhatsApp map which shows where I am for a preset length of time.

When the kids go abroad make them turn on their location on Snapchat.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 02/12/2021 20:52

We use it, it was initially installed for when we moved house and my dd was catching the bus to school. But I now find it really handy as both myself and my dh don't have set hours to work, and we work all over the place. it means I can see where he is and if he's on his way home. I use it for knowing when to make tea etc. sometimes we are in the same place at the same time so I might call him and see if he fancies a quick cuppa

Lime37 · 02/12/2021 20:53

We do my partner had a suicide attempt a few years ago. For sometime after when I couldn’t get in touch with him I would panic so we enabled find my friends.

Madcats · 02/12/2021 20:56

Yep. The whole family are on "Find my phone". Teen daughter is often doing sporting fixtures miles away (no fixed time duration) so it is useful to track the coach/bus back to town.

Equally she can see whether we're still sat at home (or on our way to collect from friends who live in the middle of nowhere. It saves messaging/interrupting the driver.

I use it for DH when he is working some distance away to tell whether he has a fighting chance of eating with us or whether I should cook less pasta/rice/veg.

I even have my Aussie family on there (kinda nice to see each other head off to random places).

I guess we open it once or twice a week. I spend far more time checking where a courier driver has got to!

Divebar2021 · 02/12/2021 20:58

Nope. Absolutely not. I wouldn’t entertain that for a second. I did have a colleague who was tracked by his wife - although he would leave the phone in the office and go out before returning to get it.

bozzabollix · 02/12/2021 21:00

We do but it’s because my husband is great at losing things. I think to use it would be intrusive, I only do if I’m worried about his whereabouts very occasionally, certainly wouldn’t want to spy on him.

He’s got the same capacity to look at mine but doubt he’d know how to use it!

LizzieSiddal · 02/12/2021 21:01

No, that way madness lies

Not necessarily! It obviously depends how you use it. Dh and I have it and use it very rarely but it’s there if needed. For instance I’ll check on it usually to see if he’s on his way home, to start the tea. The main reason for using it is to ping each other’s phones when we’ve “lost” them.

tealandteal · 02/12/2021 21:02

We have Life 360 as my DH cycles to work along a busy road and it gives me peace of mind. Also means I can see when he will be home as the journey time can vary quite a lot.

EmeraldEagle · 02/12/2021 21:03

I have it on my phone but my husband doesn't.
I specifically asked him to out it on mine as I often go out with the dogs on my own, we are rural & I don't decide where I'm going in advance. My friend fell and broke her leg while walking her dogs and it made me realise I could be screwed if something like that happened and I couldn't easily explain where I was

gsaoej · 02/12/2021 21:03

Our whole family have it, it’s in daily use by all of us.

Someone can’t find their phone - someone sends the ping via find iPhone. Picking up from school (10 miles - teens) they track how close I am. I track where exactly they are (big school - can pick up at different entrances).

Im picking up dh tonight.I’ll arrive and track him so I know how long I need to wait or whether I need to get closer.

Nothing Sinister or controlling. Very useful. But I can understand that when in the hands of someone controlling, it is not good.

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2021 21:06

Looking at some of these replies it seems that instead of making you feel better it could actually increase your anxiety over where someone is.

The only thing that I've done similar is track DS1's flight when he went on a school trip. It was not reassuring in the slightest, as there was some sort of emergency at the airport he flew to, and the plane ended up circling for what seemed like ages.

checkedroses · 02/12/2021 21:09

We use it all the time - both work irregular and unpredictable hours and can’t always be interupted,so we can easily see if the other’s still at work or on their way home. Son can see if we’re at home or work if he wants to blag a lift. We can see where he is without hassling him. Genuinely wouldn’t be without it.

Pixiedust138 · 02/12/2021 21:19

We don't, I don't see a need a for it. If I want to know where he is I'll ask him.

Potentialscroogeincognito · 02/12/2021 21:20

We use it. Husbands a cyclist and come off his bike a couple of times and it’s been useful to go pick him up. Putting the tea in the oven, walking home in the dark, are you nearly back yet etc.
Dont feel it’s intrusive as I have absolutely nothing to hide. Really not fussed if he checks it or doesn’t.

Chocolatewheatos · 02/12/2021 21:21

Yes because DH always loses his phone!
We also have trackers on our cars so we can have dinner ready on time

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2021 21:23

My DSs would be pretty horrified at the thought. Although they are adults now so any use from it has passed.

But saying that if anyone wanted to know when to put dinner on or if one of the DSs was on the bus I'd just text them.

I would not want anyone keeping an eye on my whereabouts.

BillDates · 02/12/2021 21:25

@OneTC

Sorry for the hijack but what is WhatsApp live location? Never seen this on there

When sending a pin/location you can opt to send one that follows you about or a pin that marks a specific spot

I can't even seem to find the option to set a pin on WhatsApp. I've gone through the settings and can't seem to find anything about sharing a location or setting a pin.

Where about in the menus would I find it? You're the second poster I've seen mention WhatsApp to share locations or track people so I'm probably not looking in the right place.

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2021 21:26

DS has something that from what little I have seen there's like a cartoon map and the people that he games with possibly-he can see where they are and if they're online? There's a little cartoon figure sort of standing on the map.

AHobbyaweek · 02/12/2021 21:26

We don't but wish I had when we lost each other skiing on a mountain in another country.

sammylady37 · 02/12/2021 21:27

There is no way I would tolerate this intrusion into my life.

For those who are saying they use it to know when to put the dinner on:

  1. Why can’t your DH just text when leaving work with an ETA? And yes, I appreciate that such a text won’t take ‘live’ traffic situations into account but it’ll give you an approximate time which leads me to
  2. Dinner doesn’t have to be served up immediately on someone’s arrival home, or within an exact time of them arriving home. If they texted as in point 1 above you’d have an idea to within 30 mins of their arrival time and surely they can wait 10, 15, 30, even 60 mins for it. They won’t starve to death in that time. The Hunger Strikers lasted more than 60 days.
  3. It all seems a bit ‘1950s pipe and slippers waiting’ to me, with a modern technological slant.