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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Weird GP appointment

146 replies

Skippy21 · 02/12/2021 12:40

Husband in consulting room and gP says ‘we will do that cervical smear test now, just pop behind the curtain????

OP posts:

discoland · 04/12/2021 15:53

I would hate that too...

GP saying ‘we will do the smear now’ and not even asking? It’s a procedure that can only be done with patient consent

And even if it was asked as a question I’d hate to be put on the spot there and then. Like others I need to know in advance to build up. Also to request female HCP as I wouldn’t have a male dr.

The whole thing is just odd.

Melroses · 04/12/2021 15:55

And even if it was asked as a question I’d hate to be put on the spot there and then. Like others I need to know in advance to build up. Also to request female HCP as I wouldn’t have a male dr.

It is taking away so many of your options.

godmum56 · 04/12/2021 16:15

@rainbowsandmagpies

I'm a nurse, and one thing that I see time and time again (and I'm sure I'm guilty of myself occasionally) is healthcare professionals forgetting that a healthcare setting is OUR normal and not necessarily a patients. There are so many reasons someone might not be comfortable with an on the spot smear test, I'm sorry you were made to feel uncomfortable. I would definitely feed this back to the practice manager (doesn't need to be a complaint if you're not sure you're comfortable framing it that way, equally, if you are it wouldn't be unreasonable). The feedback is vital.

Yes i thought this too. Not good people's skills.....same as inviting you both in together. Not all couples tell each other everything.

I did go to a new to the practice GP once about a breathing problem after a nasty cold and my GP record was so empty that he thought the computer had lost my record! He offered me a blood pressure check and I said in effect help yourself and then he said I was due a smear and would I like an appointment booked. I said no and explained why and he just said fine and that was that.

I hope you felt able to refuse without explanation if you wanted to?

Comedycook · 04/12/2021 16:16

@Fluffycloudland77

Oh I’ve had that. It was a bit strange having dh in the room while another man’s looking at your cervix.

Although we do know a couple for who that would be just a normal Saturday night.

fakereview · 04/12/2021 16:32

I think if I'd been in with a female nurse and she'd suggested it I might have agreed and sent DH outside. But really I'd need to psyche myself up for it, it's not pleasant and I would rather book in for an appointment. And no I don't have a duty to save the NHS appointment time as a couple of pp's have intimated - if I don't want something doing there and then, that's my decision.

I would not want a male GP doing it. I remember when I was having ds and the midwife did an internal - it was fine, Male consultant came along and did one and I nearly hit the roof. They have big hands and are clumsy!

And all the other issues pps have raised about abuse etc.

BlondeDogLady · 04/12/2021 16:43

I would find this really creepy tbh.

I never have a man do my smear. Why would a male doctor want to do your smear with your DH in the room. It feels a bit like he's getting a kick out of it. Just weird all round.

StrongLegs · 04/12/2021 16:44

I think they are under staggering pressure at the moment, and specifically to get cervical screening done. I bet the GP was massively relieved to be able to get that done just to keep you safe and know you didn't have cervical cancer. Many many women never turn up for that screening at all, even after multiple letters and phone calls.

everythingbackbutyou · 04/12/2021 16:49

Glad I'm not the only one to find this pap smear 'pounce' concerning. How paternalistic and 'doctor is in charge'. Yes, this screening is massively important and potentially life-saving, but is nonetheless a CHOICE.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 04/12/2021 16:57

I think its actually odd that your husband was called in for his appointment at the same time. I'm assuming you didn't mind, but IMO GP should have respected confidentiality and seen you separately.
Also "We will do that smear test" isn't sitting right with me, dunno why really. Surely it's up to you, the patient?

PuppyMonkey · 04/12/2021 17:06

@CentrifugalBumblePuppy

I’d be fine with this. Maybe it’s because I’ve all kinds of people viewing my cervix for various things (including a long time friend, training as a vet & doing a hospital cleaner job for the summer, looking over the registrar’s shoulder for a cervical looksee & pessary for an induction when gin labour - just for a comparison with other great apes - I mean, it was the first time I’d set eyes on the doctor, at least I’d known my female friend most of my life lol).

And I’ve had male GPs doing IUD insertions, gynae guys doing biopsies & ablations after miscarriage, a male midwifery student, a male doc taking a semen sample following a sexual assault. I just can’t get worked up about it. I’ve even had a gay male friend up there with a torch trying to retrieve a tampon where the string had pulled off.

It’s your choice of course, and I can understand one may want to be daisy fresh before a smear test (I definitely do).

But when I think about what japes & sexual escapades my husband and I have got up to, with my cervix looking on proceedings from the area, having him in the room for an impromptu smear with a male GP would be fine.

godmum56 · 04/12/2021 17:09

I have had men do my smear and a couple of necessary internal investigations but it was always within my control.

BlondeDogLady · 04/12/2021 17:10

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/12/2021 17:15

I honestly don’t see the problem with any of this

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 04/12/2021 17:26

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I honestly don’t see the problem with any of this

Then I suggest you read some of the posts on this thread which give just a few suggestions of why it might not be appropriate.

TitsInAbsentia · 04/12/2021 17:28

I would only have an issue with this on the basis that I might have developed disco fanny depending on the time of the appointment. Although I'm pretty sure my husband would have wanted to make a quick exit....

BillDates · 04/12/2021 17:29

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I honestly don’t see the problem with any of this

A lot of women find smears difficult for many reasons and would find being put on the spot like that difficult and make them anxious. Nobody should be put on the spot like that and it shouldn't be assumed a patient is ok with the other person in the room, didn't matter if it's a husband or a sibling or a carer. They should be asked if they are ok and comfortable. And even then, being put on the spot can make you feel like you can't say no because other people would be thankful or not see an issue. It's easy for a woman to slip into protecting other people's feelings over their own comfort too.

RavingAnnie · 04/12/2021 17:29

@arethereanyleftatall

Your own husband?!?

Or someone else's?

😂😂😂😂

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/12/2021 17:30

That’s very weird if not what you were there for!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 04/12/2021 17:31

Disco fanny?

GotToGoBye · 04/12/2021 17:38

@PrivateHall

His wording definitely didn't facilitate informed consent. I am a midwife and would always start with explaining the rationale for an intimate examination, explain the procedure, then ask how they feel about it. I take it very slowly. I also offer the opportunity to come back a day or day later (for a sweep) if they want to think about it. I would find it completely unacceptable for a midwife to simply say 'pop round that curtain til we do a sweep', it really is not ok. This is the same thing really. I am sorry that happened op

Maybe at a first sweep but certainly by my 3rd or 4th sweeps the midwifes were not explaining rationale, they were trying to cheer me up by saying they had a special knack or on a lucky streak or similar.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/12/2021 17:40

@BillDates

I hate this idea that women are somehow incapable and fragile and not able to just say “no thank you”. If a GP asked me to do a smear and I didn’t want to, I would say no. I can’t see the issue with a GP wanting to do an appt with my husband, or want to conduct a smear in the room with him, unless my husband were abusive. There is no indication that OP’s husband is abusive. I feel like the GP has just tried to be efficient and is getting some sort of crazed attack on here for it.

TracyLords · 04/12/2021 18:01

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 abusive husbands don’t come with badges on them so that everyone knows they are abusive.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/12/2021 18:11

@TracyLords

In this case the husband isn’t abusive so from the Op’s point of view I don’t understand the problem in this specific case.

ShatteredDream · 04/12/2021 18:15

I’d prefer it! The only smear I’ve ever had was when my GP got me on the spot like that 14 years ago. I have severe anxiety and have never managed to go again, on the spot would work for me

seven201 · 04/12/2021 18:17

If you didn't want to do it then, then you should have just said "no, I don't want to do that now, I'll book it in with reception on the way out". I wouldn't have wanted to do it without having a shower first personally. I'd have no issue with my dh being there, but then I've had lots of rounds of ivf so my dignity went years ago.

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