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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird GP appointment

146 replies

Skippy21 · 02/12/2021 12:40

Husband in consulting room and gP says ‘we will do that cervical smear test now, just pop behind the curtain????

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 04/12/2021 14:49

My smear has sometimes been long overdue, the GP has just said ‘“you know your smear is overdue”. Not get up on the couch and I’ll have a quick rummage now.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 04/12/2021 14:52

The whole thing sounds weird and yes I would have a problem with it.

Would he have said to your husband 'pop behind the curtain we will do that prostrate exam now quickly while you are here'

And this.

I would definitely give feedback to the practice.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 04/12/2021 14:54

To me this would have been absolutely horrific, I would have said no and walked out at that point. I had something similar after my last DS was born with a male GP who was new to me. He insisted on giving me a smear test there and then and I wasn’t allowed a nurse as a chaperone as none was available. I was in tears when I got home and made a complaint to the practice manager.

AtlasPine · 04/12/2021 14:54

@arethereanyleftatall

Your own husband?!?

Or someone else's?

Grin
CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/12/2021 14:56

@Mushypeasandchipstogo

To me this would have been absolutely horrific, I would have said no and walked out at that point. I had something similar after my last DS was born with a male GP who was new to me. He insisted on giving me a smear test there and then and I wasn’t allowed a nurse as a chaperone as none was available. I was in tears when I got home and made a complaint to the practice manager.
No-one can insist that you have a smear. If you think it was coercive then that's really serious. I'm glad you reported.
PlumManor · 04/12/2021 14:57

I think it’s a bit odd too. One, your husband was there, he’s your husband yes but you have the right to be uncomfortable. Two, it was without warning, I personally book my smears at a time when I can literally get out of the shower and down there in twenty minutes. Three, no option of a female doctor or nurse, just the assumption that you were comfortable he did it. I’ve never had a male do a smear. Always female doctor or practice nurse.

SamhainToImbolc · 04/12/2021 14:58

It's always been the Practice Nurse who does mine. And I usually get a text from the surgery to remind me to book.

Benjispruce5 · 04/12/2021 15:02

You can say no op, that you’ll book it when you’re prepared. It was just an offer to do it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/12/2021 15:03

I actually find it odd that he was offering to do a smear while GPs are apparently all so pressed for time and people can't get appointments. Doesn't make sense to me. Unless that practice has had cases of missed cervical cancer througth people not attending for smears during the pandemic?

GreenLunchBox · 04/12/2021 15:04

@Skippy21 are you sure it was a GP?

SueSaid · 04/12/2021 15:10

Why is a GP doing a new patient appointment?! surely that is something a nurse would do. Why on earth would he take both in together, as pp have said confidentiality applies to spouses too and yes an 'on the spot' cervical screen is quite unbelievable tbh.

fedup078 · 04/12/2021 15:16

How overdue were you for a smear?
Tbh I'd have found this odd too and would have declined

over50andfab · 04/12/2021 15:17

Personally I'd have liked a little more notice so I could have the right sock choice.
Seriously though, if my GP had asked if I'd like smear done while I was there I'd have been more than happy. Saves having to make an appointment and go back. Also any jabs needed doen there and then eg flu.

Weird GP appointment
EwwSprouts · 04/12/2021 15:20

Inappropriate. As new patients he has no idea of the relationship between you and your husband. For some women that may feel uncomfortable to say no but wish to do so that was not a proper consent to an intimate examination.

GotToGoBye · 04/12/2021 15:23

It sounds very convenient to me!

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 04/12/2021 15:23

I’d be fine with this. Maybe it’s because I’ve all kinds of people viewing my cervix for various things (including a long time friend, training as a vet & doing a hospital cleaner job for the summer, looking over the registrar’s shoulder for a cervical looksee & pessary for an induction when gin labour - just for a comparison with other great apes - I mean, it was the first time I’d set eyes on the doctor, at least I’d known my female friend most of my life lol).

And I’ve had male GPs doing IUD insertions, gynae guys doing biopsies & ablations after miscarriage, a male midwifery student, a male doc taking a semen sample following a sexual assault. I just can’t get worked up about it. I’ve even had a gay male friend up there with a torch trying to retrieve a tampon where the string had pulled off.

It’s your choice of course, and I can understand one may want to be daisy fresh before a smear test (I definitely do).

But when I think about what japes & sexual escapades my husband and I have got up to, with my cervix looking on proceedings from the area, having him in the room for an impromptu smear with a male GP would be fine.

TracyLords · 04/12/2021 15:30

Nopity nope nope nope.

I’d want privacy when getting a smear. GP had no right to do that. He has no idea what your relationship is like.

I’d also prefer a nice female nurse to do it to tbh

TracyLords · 04/12/2021 15:34

@LaCerbiatta because I want privacy getting it done. I don’t want DH there if I’m having a pee or a shit either. Or even when I get a jag in the bum for sickness. It’s very undignified and I don’t want him there to see me like that.

And the GP has no idea what their relationship is like: it could be abusive, there could be relationship problems. Just....
No...

Crinkle77 · 04/12/2021 15:35

@LondonGrub

I agree that all of this weird.

Firstly the GP should not have invited you both in the room at the same time. Patient confidentiality does extend to spouses. What if you wanted to talk about domestic abuse. What if he did? That was a very hard position to be put in. If you say yes to him coming into the room with you you are potentially limiting what you can discuss and potentially not getting the level of care you need. If you say no you are opening yourself up to questions of why wouldn't you want your husband coming into the room with you, and in an abusive relationship that could have devastating effects.

So yeah, weird and I would complain.

Then to suggest an intimate examination without a female chaperone is odd. And to do it in front of your husband is extra odd.

Yep this is exactly what I was thinking too. You should have had separate consultations from a privacy perspective. Also I too like advance warning of a smear. I like to go freshly showered and have time to build up to it. Other people might not be bothered but that's what I prefer. The doctor should not have just assumed that you would be comfortable with that.
TracyLords · 04/12/2021 15:36

In my early 20s I was with my mum in the surgery when she was getting her smear. The nurse loudly asked me in front of everyone why I wasn’t getting mine. She wasn’t trying to embarrass me: she just wanted to get it done. But I was mortified and had valid reasons for not getting it done!

5zeds · 04/12/2021 15:40

I’d have hated it and so would dh. He’s my husband but I haven’t handed over my body to him.

PrivateHall · 04/12/2021 15:50

His wording definitely didn't facilitate informed consent. I am a midwife and would always start with explaining the rationale for an intimate examination, explain the procedure, then ask how they feel about it. I take it very slowly. I also offer the opportunity to come back a day or day later (for a sweep) if they want to think about it. I would find it completely unacceptable for a midwife to simply say 'pop round that curtain til we do a sweep', it really is not ok. This is the same thing really. I am sorry that happened op Flowers

TatianaBis · 04/12/2021 15:51

@LondonGrub

I agree that all of this weird.

Firstly the GP should not have invited you both in the room at the same time. Patient confidentiality does extend to spouses. What if you wanted to talk about domestic abuse. What if he did? That was a very hard position to be put in. If you say yes to him coming into the room with you you are potentially limiting what you can discuss and potentially not getting the level of care you need. If you say no you are opening yourself up to questions of why wouldn't you want your husband coming into the room with you, and in an abusive relationship that could have devastating effects.

So yeah, weird and I would complain.

Then to suggest an intimate examination without a female chaperone is odd. And to do it in front of your husband is extra odd.

Domestic abuse often includes sexual abuse. While a patient may not wish to talk about it they may need to alert the medic that smears are triggering for that reason. Or equally they may have experienced previous sexual assault or abuse they may not have told their DH about.

Doctors get female chaperones to protect themselves as much as the patient - so he’s taking risks.

PrivateHall · 04/12/2021 15:51

Crinkle, good point too about downstairs prep. I would want a recent shower too!

Melroses · 04/12/2021 15:53

Nope nope nope.

What happened to informed consent?

Did he ask your DH if he could do a quick prostate exam while he was there?