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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weird GP appointment

146 replies

Skippy21 · 02/12/2021 12:40

Husband in consulting room and gP says ‘we will do that cervical smear test now, just pop behind the curtain????

OP posts:
maa32 · 02/12/2021 12:52

It is abit strange actually, these things are meant to be arranged in advance and as you weren't made aware of it, yes it is abit strange.

Other posters are being harsh.

I wouldn't be bothered about having a smear infront of my DH (we have two kids, nothing new!) but the fact you weren't made aware in advance that it was going to happen and you weren't even there for that, I find weird.

LaMarschallin · 02/12/2021 12:52

Although we do know a couple for who that would be just a normal Saturday night. Smile

Sorry, my slow posting meant the thread had moved on.

Actually, I'd have appreciated having a smear done there and then rather than having to make and attend another appointment.
I'd see it as the GP was making extra work for himself to make things more convenient for me.

LondonGrub · 02/12/2021 12:53

I agree that all of this weird.

Firstly the GP should not have invited you both in the room at the same time. Patient confidentiality does extend to spouses. What if you wanted to talk about domestic abuse. What if he did? That was a very hard position to be put in. If you say yes to him coming into the room with you you are potentially limiting what you can discuss and potentially not getting the level of care you need. If you say no you are opening yourself up to questions of why wouldn't you want your husband coming into the room with you, and in an abusive relationship that could have devastating effects.

So yeah, weird and I would complain.

Then to suggest an intimate examination without a female chaperone is odd. And to do it in front of your husband is extra odd.

Tish008 · 02/12/2021 12:55

@Fluffycloudland77

Oh I’ve had that. It was a bit strange having dh in the room while another man’s looking at your cervix.

Although we do know a couple for who that would be just a normal Saturday night.

Grin
Tryingtryingandtrying · 02/12/2021 13:00

I hope you said No?

girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 13:04

Sorry, the issue is that you were offered a smear while your husband was in the room?

Presumably, as he would have been your chaperone, they don't need to offer you a chaperone.

Original poster
Skippy21 · 02/12/2021 13:16

I think it was the assumption that everything was fine and that there was no moment of considering if I was comfortable with the situation

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 02/12/2021 13:22

@Skippy21

I think it was the assumption that everything was fine and that there was no moment of considering if I was comfortable with the situation
Well you obviously weren't. So I assume you said no, you'd book another appointment and that was that?
Coviddy · 02/12/2021 13:30

So what did you do?

GreenWhiteViolet · 02/12/2021 13:30

Asking you if you'd like to have it done there and then would have been slightly odd, but not unacceptable in my view.

'We'll do it now' - terrible phrasing. Many women would feel pressure to comply in that situation even if they didn't really want to, and that's not informed consent.

ShrinkingViolet9 · 02/12/2021 13:42

I would have said: No thank you, if I'm overdue for a smear, I will book an appointment in the next few weeks.

If 3 to 5 yearly bimanual prostate checks were routinely offered to men, would your husband have felt comfortable having that sprung on him during what was expected to be a purely administrative appointment and during an appointment for which he wasn't expecting you to be present?

I never used to like being weighed or having BP measured by the practice nurse when attending an appointment for a smear. I was attending specifically for a smear and was never asked for consent for a BP test.

ShrinkingViolet9 · 02/12/2021 13:45

Also, our GPs have not done smears, themselves, for a very long time. These are done by practice nurses.

mistermagpie · 02/12/2021 13:48

It's definitely weird, the whole thing - you and your husband being in together, the unscheduled smear, the fact that a GP was doing a smear (mine have always been a practice nurse) - but I suppose it's nothing alarming. Presumably you could have declined the smear?

AngelinaFibres · 02/12/2021 13:52

@JaninesEyePatch

Never had a smear done by a doctor, always a practice nurse. I wouldn't be bothered if DH was there but would be bothered by being put on the spot. I would have just said no thank you I'll make an appointment to come in another time.
I have only ever had a male doctor do a smear once . He banged about up there like someone trying to get a Christmas tree into its base without being able to see the bottom. Never ever again. I am happy to go for smears but with a female nurse .I would not have been happy to have that sprung on me at all
Wiredforsound · 02/12/2021 14:04

I think that’s great. It has saved you another trip and perhaps a few weeks worrying about it. It’s a bugger to get to see anyone in a surgery at the moment so he’s making the most of the time he has with you and saves you having to make an appointment, and now you don’t have to think about it for another 3 years. Your doctor has seen hundreds, nay thousands, of fanjos so he’s not going to be horrified if it’s a bit Hairy McLairy.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 02/12/2021 14:09

You could have said 'no, ill come back later'.

VimFuego101 · 02/12/2021 14:12

I would have been very uncomfortable with both the presumption that I was OK with my husband (or anyone) being there, and the fact it was sprung on me.

DaisyNGO · 02/12/2021 14:15

@Skippy21

Just put on the spot not offered female doctor etc
Doc tried this on me once I had a regular check up for something else She said her next appointment had cancelled and I was due a test so we could just quickly do it....

I used the time to explain why it was problematic but she didn't get it. I think they just see us as car parts.

jeaux90 · 02/12/2021 14:17

I'd be uncomfortable with a male GP assuming it was ok because your husband is there on too many levels.

I wouldn't want a male GP doing my smear

Campfirewood · 02/12/2021 14:17

Wouldn’t bother me. But I’m quite laid back and would really rather avoid cancer at all costs. So I personally wouldn’t find this weird

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2021 14:20

You could just decline. I think for a lot of women who have had children this would not be something weird that their husband was there, hence the responses.

It wouldn’t be weird for me if my husband was there, but I’d likely tell him to go sit in the waiting room.

VainAbigail · 02/12/2021 14:23

Did you say no??

ShrinkingViolet9 · 02/12/2021 14:24

@Wiredforsound

I think that’s great. It has saved you another trip and perhaps a few weeks worrying about it. It’s a bugger to get to see anyone in a surgery at the moment so he’s making the most of the time he has with you and saves you having to make an appointment, and now you don’t have to think about it for another 3 years. Your doctor has seen hundreds, nay thousands, of fanjos so he’s not going to be horrified if it’s a bit Hairy McLairy.
Your doctor has seen hundreds, nay thousands, of fanjos so he’s not going to be horrified if it’s a bit Hairy McLairy.

Irrelevant.

The issue is one of patient confidentiality and privacy and patient consent.

Also, the OP may have intended to raise a potential problem at her next smear test. Why should she be expected to do this with her husband in the room?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 02/12/2021 14:27

I think it's really odd, I also think some of the replies are disingenuous at best Hmm

irene9 · 02/12/2021 14:28

That's totally weird. A male GP I presume?
Would he have said to your husband 'pop behind the curtain we will do that prostrate exam now quickly while you are here'