Weird GP appointment

[Skippy21]

Husband in consulting room and gP says ‘we will do that cervical smear test now, just pop behind the curtain????

[ShrinkingViolet9]

If we, as a family, moved to another area, had registered with a new GP practice and were attending to meet a GP for the first time I would not expect (or agree to) being called into the doctor's office as a couple any more than I would expect to be called in with an adult child who had also just registered - let alone being offered a smear there and then with another family member in the room - grossly unprofessional and potentially breaches patient confidentiality.

[ShrinkingViolet9]

@Benjispruce5

OP could say no thank you I’ll rebook or yes ok and ask herDH to wait outside. Simple.

No, not "simple".

The OP's husband should not have been in the room in the first place. The GP should have seen them separately.

[HeadPain]

@Skippy21

I think it was the assumption that everything was fine and that there was no moment of considering if I was comfortable with the situation

YANBU, OP. It's your body and you should have control of what happens to you. I'm sorry this happened and you felt/feel uncomfortable and unable to say no. That's understandable in this dynamic. It does sound weird that the GP would do it and go about it like that.

[Buzzinwithbez]

@Benjispruce5

OP could say no thank you I’ll rebook or yes ok and ask herDH to wait outside. Simple.

So when someone is in a stressful situation they can go into fight, flight, freeze or fawn (people pleasing).
Women are socialised to go into fawn mode. It's a survival mechanism that some of us have to do a lot of work to get in control of.

Many women might feel something is 'off' with the order the doctor gave and automatically go into fawn...- doing as they're told, keeping the peace etc...
And only with hindsight be able to work out why it felt off and be what they might have done about it.

[dropitlikeitsloth]

@Skippy21

Just put on the spot not offered female doctor etc

OP I’m with you here I have declined if they couldn’t find me a female GP. I think it’s so wrong they didn’t check. There are many people out there with past traumas who wouldn’t want a male GP anywhere near them.

[Benjispruce5]

OP could say no thank you I’ll rebook or yes ok and ask herDH to wait outside. Simple.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

@Cripesitsthegasman19

I'd be livid if that happened to me. Why didn't he ask your husband if he could do a prostate exam?

Probably because a prostate exam wasnt clinically indicated, so there was no need to do one.

[Cripesitsthegasman19]

I'd be livid if that happened to me. Why didn't he ask your husband if he could do a prostate exam?

[fakereview]

@StrongLegs

I think they are under staggering pressure at the moment, and specifically to get cervical screening done. I bet the GP was massively relieved to be able to get that done just to keep you safe and know you didn't have cervical cancer. Many many women never turn up for that screening at all, even after multiple letters and phone calls.

I think it must vary according to area. I phoned up my GP surgery and was offered an appointment 3 weeks later - with a nurse.

As for "keeping me safe and knowing I don't have cervical cancer", I didn't have the cells checked because I was HPV negative. I would have thought there was an easier way of checking my HPV status without "wasting NHS time".

Different thread really but if women don't turn up for screening, get the home kits rolled out.

[Popopopo]

Definitely odd, I would have said no thanks.

For the people who dont understand the problem - presumably there are some things you would rather not have your husband in the room while you are doing them?? Or do you have literally no boundaries? For some people (me included) this is one of those things. But fine if it isn't for you

It's a personal choice who we have in the room when we are having a smear. Does that really need saying?

[fedup078]

My H was in the room when I was induced and obviously saw me push ds out and all the aftermath

Would I be comfortable with the op's situation ? Absolutely not, on many levels

And if the situation was reversed I don't think H would have been impressed if he'd been ordered to drop his kecks for a finger up the bum either

[GreenLunchBox]

@seven201

If you didn't want to do it then, then you should have just said "no, I don't want to do that now, I'll book it in with reception on the way out". I wouldn't have wanted to do it without having a shower first personally. I'd have no issue with my dh being there, but then I've had lots of rounds of ivf so my dignity went years ago.

Do you not appreciate that not everybody is as confident as you?

[AnotherOneWithNoGoodName]

@seven201

If you didn't want to do it then, then you should have just said "no, I don't want to do that now, I'll book it in with reception on the way out". I wouldn't have wanted to do it without having a shower first personally. I'd have no issue with my dh being there, but then I've had lots of rounds of ivf so my dignity went years ago.

for some people thats quite hard. I would be the same as you now, but as a younger person I would have bowed to authority I think and done whatever they suggested, if I wanted to or not.

[AnotherOneWithNoGoodName]

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@BillDates

I hate this idea that women are somehow incapable and fragile and not able to just say “no thank you”. If a GP asked me to do a smear and I didn’t want to, I would say no. I can’t see the issue with a GP wanting to do an appt with my husband, or want to conduct a smear in the room with him, unless my husband were abusive. There is no indication that OP’s husband is abusive. I feel like the GP has just tried to be efficient and is getting some sort of crazed attack on here for it.[/quote]
The GP wouldn't know anything about OP or her husband- she said it was a new patient appointment, didn't' she?
And while I think most people wouldn't mind their husband in the room with them for a smear, some people would, so GP should have just asked OP to make an appointment on the way out.

[Divebar2021]

Ok but why not just say that? Why not say before discussing your piles “I would actually like to discuss something privately.”

Because I’d just given birth and I didn’t know what the appointment was. Because I didn’t know I would be intimately examined - I thought it was for DD. Because I didn’t know that they would start talking about my piles…. I didn’t want to talk about them. They could have asked if I wanted my DH to stay in the room because they after all the professionals after all ( not make it the responsibility of the patient)

[Buzzinwithbez]

We're you there for a smear? Did you want the smear? We're you asked if you wanted it?

"We'll do that smear now just pop behind the curtain" isn't obtaining informed consent and is pretty coercive language that doesn't accommodate a "no" from you.

[Justheretoaskaquestion91]

I wouldn’t want my DH in the room for the same reason

Ok but why not just say that? Why not say before discussing your piles “I would actually like to discuss something privately.”

I am very pleased that I am not a GP.

[Divebar2021]

After DD was born we had to return to the hospital for some kind of check up. I can remember being intimately examined and having to discuss my bloody piles ( not that they were literally bleeding) with my DH sat in the room. Not appropriate. It’s not about prudishness but a desire for basic privacy and confidentiality. I wouldn’t want my DH in the room for the same reason.

[TitsInAbsentia]

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit

Disco fanny?

Don't make me say it! You know, bit hot and sweaty...

[Vapeyvapevape]

I don’t think it’s a case of whether people would mind this happening or not , it’s a case of the GP not following best practice .

[Suzanne999]

Yes. It was odd.
Patient confidentiality. If the GP had had to ask you questions while examining you and your husband could hear that would be a breach of confidentiality. Doesn’t matter if it’s your husband.

[seven201]

If you didn't want to do it then, then you should have just said "no, I don't want to do that now, I'll book it in with reception on the way out". I wouldn't have wanted to do it without having a shower first personally. I'd have no issue with my dh being there, but then I've had lots of rounds of ivf so my dignity went years ago.

[ShatteredDream]

I’d prefer it! The only smear I’ve ever had was when my GP got me on the spot like that 14 years ago. I have severe anxiety and have never managed to go again, on the spot would work for me

[Justheretoaskaquestion91]

@TracyLords

In this case the husband isn’t abusive so from the Op’s point of view I don’t understand the problem in this specific case.

[TracyLords]

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 abusive husbands don’t come with badges on them so that everyone knows they are abusive.