Who's the scrooge here? MIL or me?

[Originalfurby]

Last month I booked a santas grotto for my 8 month old (i know he won't understand but he's my first and probably last and I love Christmas). I mentioned this to MIL and she suggested she bring DHs 6 Yr old niece as she was looking for something similar to do. I ended up booking both tickets as she 'doesn't do online'. There were discussions about how we would get there (2 hour return journey) as MIL wanted to carshare with DH and I but I wasn't keen for a few reasons.

Baby is breastfed on demand and after some nasty comments about breastfeeding in the past from them I'd rather not have to do it in front of the in-laws. She knows this.

Baby screams whenever he sees MIL as she has hardly spent any time with him and he doesn't know her. She was asked to increase visits to get him used to her but she hasn't visited once, turns out she's been on a serious drinking binge. MIL is an alcoholic and isn't allowed to babysit due to this.

Now that DH has told MIL she needs to make her own way there she is refusing to come and it's too late to cancel the 2nd ticket. She's told us to take DHs niece alone as she's looking forward to it now despite knowing how much work she can be and will almost certainly throw tantrums/scream etc.

There's a huge backstory here but I've had to put some serious boundaries in place with the in-laws due to their behaviour and I feel like this is a retaliation because she doesn't like not having things on her terms. I'm sick of arranging things with MIL only for her to cancel at the last minute and then cry to everyone that she never sees her grandchild. DH has been desperate for his mum to see the baby more and I hate seeing him disappointed every time she misses something. The money has really pissed me off too. Its only a few £s, but again there's a history with the in-laws and money so I don't know why I'm surprised by this. Then there's the niece who has been promised a trip to see santa who's stuck in the middle.

Bah, I wish I'd just dressed up DH as santa and stayed home now!

@Wannakisstheteacher

I’d take your niece without MIL. A small child shouldn’t be made to miss out because of the behaviour of the adults around her.

This

So there’s a spare adult ticket going because mil is no longer going? Why can’t you give that ticket to niece’s mum or dad? They can take her and be responsible for her. You can then focus on your dc all day and don’t have to deal with the stress of dealing with niece’s tantrums.

I think if you book the ticket together, you would normally assume you are going together, unless the place is totally out of the way and inconvenient to go together.

I think it's a bit mean to not go together, especially if your dh is desperate for his mum to see her grandson. And the girl must be really disappointed if she can't go because of all this. Not very Christmas spirit at all.

Perhaps she knows she should not drive niece on her own as she will have alcohol in her system if she drinks every day, her reactions will be impaired and she may be over the limit. X

Why do you keep calling her DH's niece - surely she's your niece too?

Also your comment Baby screams whenever he sees MIL makes me also question whether the niece's tantrums comment is exaggerated. Babies see strangers all the time and don't scream at them specifically. Sometimes they just want to be with their parents and scream, but you're working this into a narrative because you don't get on with MiL, albeit for good reason. I doubt baby screams specifically at MIL and also that your niece is guaranteed to have tantrums. I think you're being OTT because of the history - but also OTT to go 2 hours to a grotto in the first place, whatever the age of your LO. So I wouldn't go at all, but in your circumstance, I'd write off the money, which is no big deal, and do something nice for your niece in future. You can hardly accuse MiL of being crap with your DC if you're crap with niece too.