AIBU to think there is often really terrible advice on here?

[Ahmadame]

I mean, people suggest completely random shit and then get quite indignant if an OP says they won’t be taking it.

I don’t know if it’s just me but I regularly see weird suggestions on here, or suggestions that are clearly unworkable (like ‘home school your kids’) and I sometimes don’t know if they are serious or not.

What’s the worst bit of MN advice you’ve seen?

@ICanSeeARainbow123

How about "if you don't like where you are, move". Okay the OP can just pack up a Wendy House and start again tomorrow.

Fuck off.

That said, there was a lady yesterday who hates where she lives with a fiery passion, and when someone suggested she move somewhere else, she said "no, we'd have to dip into our savings."

People on MN pretend to care about mental health, but then thinking nothing off ripping into someone or behaving like a playground bully to make fun of them.

My pet peeve is whenever someone writes of an issue with their DP, even if its something that could clearly be worked on, there is atleast 20 people going 'sack him off' 'leave him now' ' get out of there as fast as you can' - a lot of the time just saying that without offerring any reason or explanation to their logic.

Like they want everyone to be alone for the sake of it instead of working on their relationship - drives me mad.

Marry your abusive partner so you can divorce him for his money. In what world does it help someone to get even more intertwined with an abuser? There is no guarantee of money and if he is abusive, the likelihood of you getting any is fat chance.

I've noticed that the advice and tone directed at OPs whose language, grammar and spelling does not conform to the MN 'house style' can be particularly judgemental. Any OP who dares to use 'was' for 'were', the wrong to or there, or a colloquialism is very quickly addressed as though she is some sort of stupid, feckless undesirable, with children to be pitied, and a miscreant for a partner.

YABU I think .Most advice on here has been very good .Obv there are a few niggles ,but generally helpful and kind IMO

Not advice really but I hate it when a poster comes on upset with their partner, thinking about LTB but they have two kids and one on the way and replies come back ‘why on earth did you have three kids with him?’

A logical question, if human beings were totally logical, but we all know that there are many reasons someone might stay in a bad relationship including grooming, societal expectations of women, hope that somehow things will get better/he will change. And the question only serves to make an already vulnerable poster feel even shittier.

I'm not sure the nature of dialogue around mental health is the most helpful. Obviously it depends on the condition and the situation, but I do think there's too much focus on what you should expect other people to do to support your mental health, and not enough on techniques for managing it yourself.

I agree. It's good that the stigma around mental health is beginning to lift but it sometimes becomes a bit of a get-out-of-jail-free card for people who can't be arsed to engage with negative patterns of behaviour or to lash out at others.

You routinely see posters come on here talking about a man who is chronically unemployed and won't lift a finger in the home but has to be cut slack "because of his mental health" for example.

By the same token there is a lot of very militantly selfish behaviour by people who use "mental health" as a refusal to engage in any way with the outside world and indulge in a sort of militant antisocialness. There was a thread on here the other day about quiet people and a lot of posters came on to basically say "I can't be bothered to engage with people so why should I?"

'Dodged a bullet' when OP has been on one date and isn't sure if there was chemistry and he hasn't texted her back immediately. Like ffs give the bloke a chance, it's been ONE date!

When an OP is encouraged to give her partner the silent treatment (for whatever misdemeanour) but when an OP posts that her partner is giving her the silent treatment it's LTB he's abusive.

There was a thread on here the other day about quiet people and a lot of posters came on to basically say "I can't be bothered to engage with people so why should I?"

Interestingly, I find a lot of those people engage very much online via forums and social media. I think what a lot of them mean is they've lost the skill of actual voice-based conversation, or maybe they never had it. It is a skill, and it can be learned and polished, but in our digital world it probably is easier not to if you can't be bothered.

But it's still a useful and sometimes necessary skill...

I hate it when people who clearly have no understanding of the OPs financial position come on to tell her she's basically brought all her problems on herself and if she could just try harder everything would be fine. Eg. One of the first threads I remember was a single mother of 3, doing a minimum wage job around school hours, children's father was useless and she was feeling overwhelmed with juggling work, child-care, cooking, washing, cleaning etc. Loads of posters told her she should work longer hours and pay a cleaner. She was also berated for having children with such a useless man (not something she can change, and I'm guessing part of the reason he was an ex).

The double standards make me laugh. Eg. 1) I need to work extra hours to work towards a promotion but can't find child care and don't have family nearby. Answer= Surely there must be a friend who would help you out, why not ask some of the other school mums? 2) Someone I don't know that well has asked me to take their child to school whilst their car is at the garage, should I agree. Answer= No! You will end up being expected to take them everywhere for ever. This person is a CF of the highest order

"Red flags" can be hilarious, too.
These were some of the ones mentioned over the last few dating threads I browsed/ participated in:

-being overweight (must be lazy)
-earning less than the woman (must be after her money)
-not being the first to drive to a date a distance away (a sure sign she will do all the work in the relationship)
-splitting the food bill (must be tight)
-not wanting to take a stranger back to their place on a first date (must have something to hide)
-answering a phone call (wrong priorities)
-not texting back immediately (clearly isn't into the OP)
-feeling too comfortable too soon (must be love bombing/ future faking)
-not suggesting a place to meet after date 1 and leaving it up to the OP (can't be much into her)
-any kind of trying to have some privacy (must be having an affair)

I've been on the receiving end of a fair few Red Flag questions in my most recent thread. The guy I am with was fascinated this morning when I told him to stop worrying about not ringing last night, because he was caught up in a hobby, and that he, too, was entitled to his own space. Because in past relationships he always felt he had to be at the women's beg and call every second of the day, for fear of being labelled uncaring/ cheating/ smothering.

MNetters, this is what some of these threads are doing to relationships (not that I'm complaining too much, he think's I'm the bee's knees because I have reasonable expectations ).

@WellBuggerMeSideways

"Red flags" can be hilarious, too. These were some of the ones mentioned over the last few dating threads I browsed/ participated in:

-being overweight (must be lazy)
-earning less than the woman (must be after her money)
-not being the first to drive to a date a distance away (a sure sign she will do all the work in the relationship)
-splitting the food bill (must be tight)
-not wanting to take a stranger back to their place on a first date (must have something to hide)
-answering a phone call (wrong priorities)
-not texting back immediately (clearly isn't into the OP)
-feeling too comfortable too soon (must be love bombing/ future faking)
-not suggesting a place to meet after date 1 and leaving it up to the OP (can't be much into her)
-any kind of trying to have some privacy (must be having an affair)

I've been on the receiving end of a fair few Red Flag questions in my most recent thread. The guy I am with was fascinated this morning when I told him to stop worrying about not ringing last night, because he was caught up in a hobby, and that he, too, was entitled to his own space. Because in past relationships he always felt he had to be at the women's beg and call every second of the day, for fear of being labelled uncaring/ cheating/ smothering.

MNetters, this is what some of these threads are doing to relationships (not that I'm complaining too much, he think's I'm the bee's knees because I have reasonable expectations ).

You don't see it mentioned so much now, but a few years ago The Script found its way onto nearly every affair thread. No matter what a suspected adulterer did when confronted, someone would say it was all part of the script. He could have cut his nose off and shoved onions up his own bottom and another poster would still pipe up about how predictable he was, following The Script.

@WellBuggerMeSideways

"Red flags" can be hilarious, too. These were some of the ones mentioned over the last few dating threads I browsed/ participated in:

-being overweight (must be lazy)
-earning less than the woman (must be after her money)
-not being the first to drive to a date a distance away (a sure sign she will do all the work in the relationship)
-splitting the food bill (must be tight)
-not wanting to take a stranger back to their place on a first date (must have something to hide)
-answering a phone call (wrong priorities)
-not texting back immediately (clearly isn't into the OP)
-feeling too comfortable too soon (must be love bombing/ future faking)
-not suggesting a place to meet after date 1 and leaving it up to the OP (can't be much into her)
-any kind of trying to have some privacy (must be having an affair)

I've been on the receiving end of a fair few Red Flag questions in my most recent thread. The guy I am with was fascinated this morning when I told him to stop worrying about not ringing last night, because he was caught up in a hobby, and that he, too, was entitled to his own space. Because in past relationships he always felt he had to be at the women's beg and call every second of the day, for fear of being labelled uncaring/ cheating/ smothering.

MNetters, this is what some of these threads are doing to relationships (not that I'm complaining too much, he think's I'm the bee's knees because I have reasonable expectations ).

It's always funny when I read about surefire Red Flags that described my own behaviour in the early days of my relationship with DP to a tee.

That's 10 years ago so obviously the flags can't have been that red!

The "if he hasn't texted you in 90 minutes he's just not that into you" ones are the craziest but I'm also relieved that the constant messagers are taking themselves out of the dating pool, for the sake of everyone else in it.

He could have cut his nose off and shoved onions up his own bottom

I'd read that thread.

Some people don't even try to give advice and reply just to add their oh so witty comments.

Did you ever visit the Sistine Chapel OP?
*Did you snap and fart OP?"

Followed by lots of LOL!!!!!!11!! replies.

I remember The Script @BadLad literally anything a DP did .. oh they all follow the same script

Some of the dating ones are quite funny because of the conflicting advice. You get the 'definitely text him first because it's 2021' and the 'don't text him first because it appears needy'. Well great I'm even more confused now!

There was a thread where the OPs boyfriend had asked for a bit of space but he'd speak to her soon and OP kept pushing and pushing whilst saying they weren't in a relationship, but it was he clear from her post that he thought they were. Responses varied between he's a huge man child and he's messing with you, to run like the wind he doesn't want a relationship with you. Whereas I read it as he did want a relationship and the fact OP kept saying it wasn't one had sent him into a spin so he wanted to have a think. Seems some posters get a theme and run with it regardless of what's been said in the OP so the general consensus was to bin him off!

I got told I was a walking red flag because I wont marry dp. Because I am a much higher earner and have far more in assets. I have 2 kids. He has non. We aren't having kids. I do pay a big portion of the bills (would be happy to pay more but dp insists on paying some) and pay alot more into our joint account. He has a lot more spare cash because of my earnings. I even said I would look at marrying dp if we were having kids and he was reducing hours or giving up work.

And apparently, I should marry him because loads of posters husbands had married them despite them being lower earners. Then when people realised I was the woman and Dp a man, they back tracked and said I was obviously prioritising my children's financial future 🙄

But, I was told it could really be a loving relationship unless I was willing to marry him and they felt bad for me that I wouldn't ever feel that joy again 🤣

Almost all legal, insurance and consumer advice is utter bollocks on here.

I had not read much on MN when I posted initially. I asked for advice on a very specific issue around organising lifts and drop-offs for my DSD. I gave some background information. I was gobsmacked at the replies.

The one that sticks out the most was to move into an apartment immediately (because that is so straightforward) and see if my partner stations himself outside to woo me back.

I'm not a lawyer, but the "common law spouse" stuff drives me bonkers.

I posted recently about being broke and asking for meal ideas on the cheap.

Someone suggested my husband and I survive off the kids leftovers… for 3 weeks.

@Darkpheonix there is a general assumption on MN that women always earn less than men so if you are in a relationship and live (unmarried) with your DP then the advice is you are leaving yourself financially vulnerable, he will eventually meet someone else leaving you homeless and you won't have a leg to stand on etc etc

Back in the real world, I know many women who earn more than their partners and have no interest in marriage. I earn more than 3x DP's salary and am buying a property solely in my name. The deposit is 100% funded by me. I'm not getting married. That might make me a 'financial abuser' according to some although that term is really only reserved for men on MN!

@thefourgp

The worst one I ever saw was someone complaining about a man who had wronged her (I can’t remember what he did - it was a few years ago) and another poster asked her to private message a screenshot of his Facebook profile so she could start an online rumour he was a paedophile (which he wasn’t) to ‘get back at him’. The OP definitely sent the stranger his profile because they were making jokes about photos of him and the new girlfriend on the thread. I was so shocked. I reported the thread and told the OP how wrong she was to do that. The two of them (who both sounded incredibly immature) had no remorse and it took Mumsnet ages to take the thread down. I’ve no idea if she followed through on her intention to do that to him - ruin the life of a complete stranger.

That's bloody awful!

@Jackthementalkitten

People been taken in by some complete arse, come here looking for advice. The brilliant phrase, oh give your head a wobble. What are they, a fucking weeble. How does that phrase help?

😂 A weeble!

Or a bobblehead eh?