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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think there is often really terrible advice on here?

291 replies

Ahmadame · 30/11/2021 18:17

I mean, people suggest completely random shit and then get quite indignant if an OP says they won’t be taking it.

I don’t know if it’s just me but I regularly see weird suggestions on here, or suggestions that are clearly unworkable (like ‘home school your kids’) and I sometimes don’t know if they are serious or not.

What’s the worst bit of MN advice you’ve seen?

OP posts:
hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 30/11/2021 22:55

In a similar vein to LTB, going NC with relatives is another one that’s trotted out far too often on here. It’s a huge deal and not something to be taken lightly. The way it’s suggested on here is as if it’s something you can just do with no fall out.

Keladrythesaviour · 30/11/2021 22:58

In the finance ones where people's advice is "get a better paying job".
Well jeez, I just hadn't thought of that.
Hmm

thepeopleversuswork · 30/11/2021 23:00

@DrSbaitso

Nor the worst I've seen, but earlier today a charmer told an unmarried SAHM, who is not on the deeds or mortgage for her partner's home despite putting her £25k divorce settlement into it, that anyone who said this was a cause for concern and her relationship could fail was just "bitter".

User has a clear agenda, but OP might not have been familiar with that person's other pearls of wisdom.

Yes this is an absolute classic of the genre. To a certain sort of poster, anyone who ever stands up to their spouse, or is happy single, or suggests a poster has a suboptimal partner is "bitter".

If this is bitter, sign me up.

Returnoftheowl · 30/11/2021 23:02

Not quite advice, but people who completely miss the point of a thread...
OP: can anyone recommend a nice warm duvet?
Random commenter: that would be no good for me, I get far to hot in the night. I don't need a duvet.
Right, and? What exactly is that bringing to the conversation? Is that in anyway helping the OP find what she's looking for?

ichundich · 30/11/2021 23:03

When someone with potential cancer symptoms is told to take vitamin b tablets.

fedup65356 · 30/11/2021 23:06

LTB - NOW - even if the poster has nowhere to go, no support, no job,, no money, no friends or family to help, children and/or pets.

ALongHardWinter · 30/11/2021 23:10

Being advised to take in ironing when the OP is asking how to make some money. Or even worse,take in a lodger.

bonfireheart · 30/11/2021 23:19

When OP's priority should be to leave a dangerous relationship safely, "do the freedom programme" no, get out of there fast!

bonfireheart · 30/11/2021 23:20

The LTB where OP hasn't mentioned OW or an affair, but posters almost wish he was having an affair and make it up themselves.

thefourgp · 30/11/2021 23:23

“When an OP posts about her partner's unacceptable behaviour there is a chorus of 'you just need to tell him to...' As if he's only awful because the OP hasn't told him his to behave, and once she does he will immediately see the error of his ways. “

This - 100% This!!

I remember a guy I worked with saying to me “my wife wouldn’t let me away with that” when my husband at the time refused to come with me and our children to our local fireworks show. How exactly was I meant to force him to go? People who say this have never had a wife/ husband who doesn’t give a shit what you say or do as long as they have an easy self centred life.

PriamFarrl · 30/11/2021 23:24

Neighbours playing music at full volume all day and night? Quit moaning and move to a detached house.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 30/11/2021 23:24

@bonfireheart

The LTB where OP hasn't mentioned OW or an affair, but posters almost wish he was having an affair and make it up themselves.
I was thinking this one too. Where posters start making stuff up and planting ideas in the OPs head.
Darkpheonix · 30/11/2021 23:34

@PriamFarrl

Neighbours playing music at full volume all day and night? Quit moaning and move to a detached house.
And then even if op listens, goes off and goes through all their husbands belongings and can't find a trace of another woman they will insist there is one, he is just good at hiding it.

Or say 'well I bet he is interested in someone. In a few months he will be sating someone he already knows'. I always think, isn't that right thing to do? If you are in a relationship and develope real feelings for someone and want to be with them and your current relationship is over, leave your relationship, take some time before pursuing anything with the other person.

But apparently they are bastards for doing it that way as well. Except if it's a woman who has developed feelings for someone and its made them realise their marriage is over so going to leave before getting involved with anyone else. Then it's OK.

Eastie77Returns · 30/11/2021 23:38

There was a thread a while back where the OP was terrified as an elderly man was frequently staring at her through her front window. Various people admonished her for wanting to call the police as the poor man no doubt had dementia, she should invite him in for a chat and cup of tea..

JockTamsonsBairns · 30/11/2021 23:39

On the relationships board, there seems to be a race to trot out the old "when someone tells you who they are, believe them".
Relevant in some cases, yes. But it gets rolled out as a catch-all for pretty much every thread where the OP is describing an incident where her DH has pissed her off.

Starcup · 30/11/2021 23:48

‘If your husband snogged someone else when drunk, it’s not the end of the world and not worth leaving him for…’

Confused

They must be very forgiving people. No way would I stay married to someone that does that

IsabelHerna · 30/11/2021 23:50

Some advice on people that are trying and having difficulty to conceive, is just appalling! I also saw a post about surrogacy being selfish and it's because of women wanting to work nowadays (pfff)

Starcup · 30/11/2021 23:55

@Bluntness100

It’s the extremes for me. Some poor sods partner has asked on a thread about him getting wankered once a month with his mates and some folks are saying it means he is an alkie and to leave him.

As soon as alcohol is mentioned then there is a small gang of posters who come out clutching their pearls and claiming anyone who gets drunk, even if just once a month is clearly an alkie who loves booze more than any thing else and they need to be dumped immediately.

It’s unbelievable.

I agree with this regarding alcohol. Anyone that drinks weekly is an alcoholic. We could be talking 2 small glasses a week and that’s it but apparently it’s alcoholic territory Hmm
Yournamehere007 · 01/12/2021 00:46

People who come asking for advice about a medical issue. Then everyone saying what they think they should do instead of just saying go to a GP.

BadLad · 01/12/2021 01:10

@yamadori

There are some occasions when all the experts in the world would not be able to give the OP the correct advice. It usually starts with:

'Can anyone tell me what type of plant/tree we need to buy here?'

And then a whole list of totally impossible requirements - it must be fast-growing to cover an eyesore, but as soon as it reaches the required height it needs to stop growing immediately and never grow any bigger. It needs to be evergreen. It needs to have lots of lovely flowers (preferably pink or white) all year round. It must cast no shade whatever at any time of year. It must require absolutely no maintenance or watering. It must be strong and robust enough to withstand footballs, random intruders and dog attack, yet must also be feathery, delicate, without any thorns and definitely not poisonous. It should not produce the sort of berries which children like to pick. It needs to be able to grow in deep shade / full sun / and either bone dry or permanently boggy soil. It must never overhang the neighbour's garden and must not drop so much as a single leaf. Ever.

Good luck with finding all that on a plant app Grin

maybe build a brick wall and paint a tree on it instead

Margaret.........MARGARET.
AIBU to think there is often really terrible advice on here?
Aussiegirl123456 · 01/12/2021 02:10

As a lawyer, I see so much incorrect legal info and advice given. It’s hard to stay quiet.

Belledan1 · 01/12/2021 03:35

I sometimes think when horrible nasty comments are made the people should put their experience! Like say if someone says about teenage problems and someone posts "just parent properly " Say what experience you have had instead of judging. You normally fund they have younger kids or no kids. Likewise with say finances and relationships.

RockallMalinHebrides · 01/12/2021 05:42

I try and hide all medical / pharmacy related threads without even opening them - it’s not worth the hassle of being told you are a terrible person for giving the correct advice. I do occasionally get sucked in and always regret it.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 01/12/2021 05:47

"What would he say if you were masturbating to photos of Jason Momoa or some random with a huge cock?"

Invariably appears in any thread where a DH has been looking at porn. The hilarious thing about it is the vast majority of men are perfectly familiar with the concept of 'fantasy' and the difference between that and 'reality', and this wouldn't elicit any more than a shrug and a 'carry on'.

Men who watch porn clearly have no issue with masturbating to images of people other than their partner, so why MN'ers seem to think they'd give a flying fuck about their DW masturbating is beyond me. The issue here lies with the person incapable of discerning fantasy from reality, and that isn't the wanking DH.

User5252727 · 01/12/2021 05:55

Someone recently asked for help on how to train their pup out of attention-seeking behaviour and the first suggestions was 'can you give up work and spend more time with your dog' 🤣