AIBU to loathe the people here?

[OnenessWithAllStrife]

Some people say that feeling a negative emotion or having unpleasant feelings about something shouldn't define you, that you should let the thoughts flow and then let them go. OK. I hope this to be true :(

But i have lived somewhere for the past 6 years that has brought me to conclusions and created feelings in me that I am not proud of. For the first time in my life I have actually come to loathe people and feel a sense of terror about being stuck with them. This is not particularly politically 'correct' when put into words, unfortunately, but I can't think of any other way to express it.

I moved to a town6 yrs ago in which I don't have much in common with the residents. It isn't unusual, just an ordinary large town which at one time contained more diversity, but in recent years has become very insular and homogenous. Everyone is angry, anti social, or depressed. If you don't openly discuss some sort of prejudice (racism, sexism, anti-intellectualism) you're 'soft in the head' or a 'bloody weirdo'.
Wherever I go here, in any direction, you will either see kids or drunk adults destroying property, or else screaming at each other in the street. There are a few select areas that are less challenging and rough, but the vibe is somehow the same.

Education or reading is a mugs game, football is the only passion, kids are yelled at for merely existing. Any conversation with a seemingly friendly stranger results in them wishing all the foreigners to go home. There is a general air of brutality to everything, a leathery, hard resistance to any kind of sensitivity whatsoever. Art, creativity and self reflection are suspicious, and the only permissible clothing is black or sport branded. Every damned street is choked with the fumes of endlessly revved up vehicles with ear splitting exhaust modifications. The environment is filthy, full of dog shit and bordering on dereliction.

I would once have considered all of this a problem of poverty, but it isn't quite that easy to determine, having witnessed it. There is no seeming variation in behaviour across income brackets here, it looks to be more cultural than income related, although the attitude towards learning, etc will obviously have the effect of creating more poverty regardless. It is like a self perpetuating cesspit of no hope and hard hearts. I thought i was a leftie, a socialist, but when I leave here I will be fucking marked by this and hope to never exist within it ever again.

We moved here for DP's work and are set to leave this coming year. I also appreciate that the residents and I have experienced very different upbringings and we do not share much in common, but even so, I think that you have to endure this to really, really see it, to come to fear it. It is easy to sit in a comfy armchair miles from it and 'defend' this stuff because you haven't truly sampled the existential sickness of it on your own doorstep.
I wish i didn't feel it, but it is difficult to lie to oneself, and the fear has probably evolved from having felt 'stuck' in it for so long. I wfh and DP does part time (some here regard us as 'pretentious' for this and have suggested we ought to do some 'real' work). It all feels very dated and odd, to be surrounded by values that repulse me and contain so little diversity. I mean, this is the type of place where you'll get side-eyed for cooking from scratch or having the audacity to flavour a dish with pesto.

Does this mean I loathe them? I don't know. I imagine I will chill with it when we have moved, as it all becomes a distant memory, but it has certainly left a mark. It feels wrong to state these feelings and observations, but I bet I am not the only one who has thought them....

At the risk of pointing out the obvious, can't you just move somewhere else? Maybe your DH could retrain and you can continue to work at home.

Babies in buggies with bottles of cordial sucking greggs sausage rolls, most people overweight or visible ill health, vaping, way people speak, way people treat children in public - ‘arper come here you little shit. I have no idea what answer is most people who can leave like we did.

One of the giveaways about the character of a town is the concentration of particular types of businesses which you don't see elsewhere. Greggs and bookies are fairly ubiquitous these days, but the thing that struck me about Wigan was the number of shops selling mobility scooters. There's one particular giant-ass roundabout and an approach road to it where there are more of them in a couple of hundred yards than I've ever seen in the rest of Britain put together.

In other places (hello Bury), it's vape shops everywhere.

@Dixiechickonhols

Unless you have lived in a town like this it’s very hard to describe the mentality. I’m from Manchester but moved to an east lancs former mill town. No one spoke to me at work for first couple of months as I wasn’t local. I’m literally a few miles away now but in a place that’s regularly in top 10 of best areas in country to live. When I go back the differences are stark. 20 mins by car but East and West Germany analogy is very appropriate. Babies in buggies with bottles of cordial sucking greggs sausage rolls, most people overweight or visible ill health, vaping, way people speak, way people treat children in public - ‘arper come here you little shit. I have no idea what answer is most people who can leave like we did.

Oh come on there are shit parents all over the UK it is not unique ,to northern towns 🙄

xboys2 I’m in a northern town now - 20 mins from ex mill town and sharp contrast shocks me each time I go back.

@Pipsquiggle. But as I said to @LancashireExPat. - that’s not the full picture— whilst you struggle to find as many grim
Places in the Home Counties, there are indeed large parts of the south that have some bloody awfully left behind places too- a ton of places in Kent and Essex, decimated places like Shelton mallet in Somerset or Trowbridge or Swindon, vast awful and bleak estates in Bristol— the idea that it’s just a thing of the North West or Midland mining and industrial areas simply isn’t true—I’ve been around the UK a lot for work reasons and what I would say is a lot of bigger cities have had a lot of money and development , then there are the places that will always be a bit posh through setting, history , tourist money, , it’s many of the more ordinary larger towns all over that I think are more of an issue , not the smarter ones that have a cathedral or an upmarket Uni or a tourist aspect but less ‘picturesque ones’ . When I lived in the north midlands there was a general attitude of ‘them down south get everything’ — simply isn’t the case as I found out- what they do get is expensive housing just for ordinary areas, expensive commutes and often not much higher wages. There are Plenty with nice pads in York, Harrogate, Wirral etc and doing ok and for every Oldham you get a Chatham - — with regards to Brexit, I’m very anti Brexit and the kind of people many have mentioned won’t benefit from it one iota. Far too many actually said on social media ‘good, we have too many pakis (sic) — which is absolutely irrelevant to Brexit and why in my opinion you don’t have referendums

Janiie Not sneering. Lancashire ex mill town is totally different to most towns and cities that have a mix of shops and areas. There’s no Waitrose or Joules for miles. I can see what OP is trying to describe.

buntybanana It was hyperbole, but deciding that the richest people happen to be the most open-minded because they travel more is ridiculous.

The principle that travel broadens the mind is not exactly a new one. A lot of what we are talking about here is parochial, insular attitudes typical of people who haven't travelled much outside their own corner of England, never mind the world.

And you can scoff at the idea of more affluent people often being more broad-minded if you like, but it's certainly been my general experience. Not all of them, obviously. And I'm certainly not suggesting it's down to being born nicer. If your experience of foreigners or people of a different ethnicity is mixing with them socially or at school and being used to the idea that they are as wealthy, educated and cultured as you are, rather than either living in a white, working class British monoculture or being brought up to believe that immigrants are taking local people's jobs and benefits, it's not exactly surprising if you have a more accepting attitude. It's tolerance and broad-mindedness borne of security and confidence in your own identity and position.

@Dixiechickonhols. Are you in saddleworth? Nice bit of the world if you are! Know it well.

Very true @tarasmalatarocks. Since moving to the rural NW I have frequently encountered people with the idea that literally all people 'down south' are rich and posh. It's just as ridiculous as thinking all of the north is poor and grim.

OP your writing and the way you describe things are really, really good. Most interesting (and real) post I’ve read in a long time.

It's Grantham or Scunthorpe, isn't it!

I wonder if actually this is less bonkers than it seems. If you already have absolutely nothing, 'making yourself poorer' is actually pretty immaterial.

Great. So when their food shopping and energy etc is ramping up in price, and the inflation they've caused results in the Bank of England raising interest rates shortly - making their debts or mortgages or rents more expensive - I hope we hear no complaints and they thoroughly enjoy having "won" the vote.

My own personal opinion is I could live in somewhere like OP describes and make the best of it—(did so for many years) but if I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t- nor would I make out it was great- it bloody wasn’t. It’s like lottery winners in certain towns saying it won’t change me, will never move and 6 months later pictured at their entry gate ‘pad’ in the Wirral rather than their on the street terrace in A place similar to the OP described.

lIt’s frightening that the Victorian notion of the undeserving poor is becoming more prevalent after Brexit.

It's not about "undeserving poor". It about stupid people who voted to make the standard of living and prospects for themselves and their families much, much worse. And now appear to expect sympathy from others when they have got exactly what they voted for. Other whosw own living standards will also be negatively impacted by that, whose own children will have fewer opportunities, despite not voting for this. So yeah, get me a tiny violin because I've lost all sympathy for any of the communities that caused this extra poverty pleading poverty. It's pathetic.

@Sn0tnose

The PP I responded to was claiming that there is a great cultural scene in Wigan. "Getting on with our lives" is hardly that. I mean, isn't that what everybody in the world does by definition? There's no really any other option. 😂

Don’t be a dickhead Tulips. You quoted my post mentioning community and asked what the community was doing. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that I may have thought you were talking to me. I did wonder about the cultural bit, seeing as I hadn’t claimed there was any, but just thought you were being a smart arse.

My response about getting on with ‘their lives’ was in response to what I believed was your question about what the community was doing. If you grew up in an under privileged background, you’d know they don’t have to be doing anything special to help out their neighbours.

I did indeed grow up in an underprivileged background, an appalling and abusive one. And I don't agree with what you are saying, at all. That doesn't make me a "dick".

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash

It's Grantham or Scunthorpe, isn't it!

Its WIGAN! We're on post 490, page 20. So easy to read all the OPs posts even if you don't want to RTFT or even quickly check the last few posts.

@FortunaMajor

To quote Thousands of Tulips There will be a community. It won’t be inviting poets to give talks in the local hall or organising litter picking teams but it will definitely be there. You’re just too different to either see it, appreciate it or be a part of it.

Pictures taken from a local community page. No, absolutely none of those things happening here. Or maybe the OP is too busy being a snob to seek them out. Pure ignorance.

Wigan is also home to one of the top ranking 6th Forms in the country, but yeah, everyone there is thick and lacking aspirations.

That quote was not from me. I replied to it.

You write beautifully OP

now appear to expect sympathy from others

Except they are not expecting sympathy. This thread is about the OP wanting sympathy from having to live next to these 'stupid people'

@ThousandsOfTulips Thank you for amplifying my point about the understanding poor so well. If nobody understood the point I was making you proved to be an excellent example of the type of person we all need to be worried about.

I can’t believe someone guessed Croydon! I know it’s not beautiful, but its if nothing else inclusive and open minded

tarasmalatarocks Ribble Valley but yes very similar to Oldham/Saddleworth contrast.

“It is like a self perpetuating cesspit of no hope and hard hearts.”
Great writing, I’m stealing that

@Fluffymule

*The inequality in this country is astounding. I too am in the Home Counties and the first world problems we have down here are nothing compared to whole swathes of the North

I wish people from the north and the south would get angry about regional inequality*

The 'North' have been angry for decades. Nobody listened. They got angrier and still nobody listened.

So people stopped being angry and unheard and got angry and voted in a referendum where people would have to hear them. Unlike repeated General Elections where nothing changed, whoever was in power, Blue or Red. The impact of the outcome of Brexit was of little consequence because it's just degrees of more shit already being dealt with. For decades.

So, to echo a poster above who said that 'these people' don't deserve her 'sympathy anymore' - "We reap what you sow"

We got Brexit because it's what we deserved, abandoning swathes of the Country whilst we basked comfortably in the types of communities the absolute opposite of those the OP 'loathes'.

Indeed. This whole idea is rubbish: many of the most deprived areas in the country are in the south.

@PotatoPie888

It amazes me that with all those sexist, racist people in Wigan, their MP is an Anglo-Indian woman.

They vote for anybody with a red rosette, and have forever.