AIBU to be so upset with domestic life?

[MyFamiIyAndOtherAnimals]

Just wondering because genuinely nobody seems to be listening to me and I need to know if I am at fault before I do something drastic like full time job, cleaner and full time nanny.

I’ve been SAHM since my son was born 11 years ago. He can’t cope with life after 1530 (amazing at masking then it all falls apart) and my husband was always away three nights a week every single week so between those factors I just stopped work.

Then the pandemic happened.

I spend hours a day cleaning just to have to redo it all the next day

1 Am always washing and ironing.
My husband leaves his clothes to pile up on a chair while my side is always clean and tidy.

Nobody in the house cleans the toilet effectively (3boys, 9, 11 & 12) unless I drag them back. I’m talking poo crumbs on the toilet seat etc. Despite me telling them off.

Despite a no shoes policy which everybody sticks to, I have to Hoover all the time.

I’m short nobody does anything. My husband cooks a lavish man type performance me every Sunday- he does the dogs and the bins and often the dishwasher is far far far better than he was

However it’s just not enough

My tipping point was just not finding three ironed shirts chucked on the floor in my sons room and an absolute mountain of clothes that I threw down the side of the bed.

I cannot do this any more. AIBU?

@justcannotbearsed some sahm do feel like it's a full time job as they find it difficult ,draining and frustrating with the constant jobs they do just like someone would find a day at work so I can see why they feel it's like a full time job .

[quote Queenyq]@thepeopleversuswork my mil has been cooking for her husband for 40+ years now and they're now retired so he wants his lunch cooking too. Horrendous. She has never once said no and he's an arse. 20 years quickly doubles![/quote]
Agree completely. My dh used to ask 'what's for breakfast/lunch' when he was home. Soon learnt 'fuck knows, have you asked the chef?' was the answer he got. And the correct question was 'I'm making a sandwich, would you like one?'

If you do all of everything for everybody, all the shit jobs and all the mental load you get no better thought of. After a few years being mostly a sahm, working part time from home I started uni full time. It's been a steep learning curve for everyone, especially dh who was very comfortable with me working part time all through our relationship and me doing all the domestic drudgery. He works full time, 12 hour days 5 days a week. But on a Saturday he does the weekly shop, looks after ds, does general tidying and other animal related chores and cooks Saturday night. While I spend most of the day with the horses. Same again Sunday except I cook.

Tbh I still don't think he does enough but people tell me how lucky I am. I think he's lucky that he only has to worry about anything domestic Saturday and sunday morning.

[quote Tittyfilarious81]@justcannotbearsed some sahm do feel like it's a full time job as they find it difficult ,draining and frustrating with the constant jobs they do just like someone would find a day at work so I can see why they feel it's like a full time job .[/quote]
I see where you are coming from, but my point was there are many parents who work full time (single parents and couples) and successfully keep a home running. I find it a bit puzzling when SAHM to primary and above aged children find it hard to cope with looking after a house.

Are you ironing to impress other mums/ the school / MIL or are you ironing because you love it or are you ironing because why? I would guess it's because you're a SAHM and it makes you look a hard working and caring sahm - DCs looking pristine. Do the DCs care? Check out the other school kids - most prob aren't ironed.

Zerrin13

I have a husband who has never cooked a meal in 20 years of marriage and a nearly 17 and nearly 18 year old who have never done anything in the house.

Congratulations, mission failed successfully.

@TheElvishQueen

You really do need to iron. Work/school shirts , trousers etc. Linen. You can't get away with not ironing those.

I agree about linen, but I don't iron anything else.

Work shirts and trousers get taken out of the machine the minute it stops spinning, given a good shake and hung on hangers to dry indoors or line dried if fine. They don't need ironing.

I iron linen while it's still damp from the machine too, much easier than when it's dry.

Only you can set your boundaries op.

I have three boys and they each have additional needs. I eventually had to give up work because my middle child is very disabled and I literally couldn't find after school care for him.

I see the homework as my job. I have lots of appointments and medication to organise, currently having to homeschool two (one through Covid staff shortages at his SN school) and the other because he can't cope in the setting he was in and we're waiting on a new school place).

I remind them all that this is my job and they need to respect me. I'm happy to cook, clean and look after all the house admin, but on weekends I am 'off' and dh needs to step in.

You sound at the end of your tether and if you can, I would return to work.

From your first post I immediately thought your 11 year old had ASD, my next thought was do you have ASD OP? It might not look the same as it does in your son but it might explain why you feel so over whelmed and feel like you want to live alone.