To ask what you find/found hardest about being a parent to young children?

[Heepers]

For me, I think it is 100% the broken nights and exhaustion.

Sleep deprivation

Constant mum guilt - are they watching too much tv, maybe I should play with them more, should I be going to work, am I feeding them healthy food. Just constant feeling bad about all of my parenting decisions, no matter what I decided to do.

Lack of sleep, tantrums and drama, relentless noise, mess.

The mood swings/tantrums. When she's happy she's the most wonderful little thing but then all hell can break loose over something so minor. Her having the attention span of a hyperactive spaniel is also infuriating at times!

Never ever being alone. I wanted an afternoon on the sofa with a book so desperately for years. They are teens now, but I work full time, so my weekends are chores/social stuff/driving them around. Still not much time alone to just read, but I do get lots of sleep.

Right now it definitely feels like it's the constant illness. I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old and it feels like at any given point one of them is ill, often both. I have a stinking cold and was up with both of them in the night because they have it too.

@greygreenblue I didn't explain properly - I was replying to someone else! They're 21 months apart but currently 2 and 4 months. If they're still pulling this shit in 5 years time then I'll need to be hospitalised!

Constant questions and relentless of it. Also never getting a minutes peace

I haven't had a solid nights sleep for four years

[quote Shitandhills]@rjane
No issues with sleep or tantrums, but we took time to get to know our children (as babies), work out how they ticked and set age-appropriate boundaries.

Yeah this rubbed me up the wrong way too. I know how my child ticks, I set age appropriate boundaries, but tantrums are developmentally normal - in fact they are a good sign that the child is developing appropriately. That doesn't stop them being frustrating to deal with though. It's not clear whether you're trying to say that your kid never had tantrums or that you didn't find them wearing, but I would find both extremely hard to believe.[/quote]
Yep. Funnily enough, at 3am I tried telling DS about the age-appropriate boundary I have set that 3am is not morning, but sometimes how he "ticks" is being wide-awake after 8 hours sleep. Guess I need to parent better.

No issues with sleep or tantrums, but we took time to get to know our children (as babies), work out how they ticked and set age-appropriate boundaries.

Hahaha, what a dick 😂

@newyearsresolurion

Wow! I’ve been lucky with dd as she went to nursery from 5 months and had been quite independent . Sleepless nights for the first 8 weeks. Housework Is the worst thing ever. I hated loads of toys and clutter. She’s 8 and am expecting baby no 2 in a few weeks time.I think the big age gap has done me a favour as I will have a little helper just little things like play with baby while I shower etc.

Don't make your daughter a 'little helper' for fuck sake

Don't make your daughter a 'little helper' for fuck sake

Chill your boots, I assume she’s occasionally going to ask her daughter to fetch her things not lock her in a room and make her change nappies all day

My daughters two and a half and insists on helping with everything.

Yeah it might take double the time to empty the dishwasher or feed the baby but it's precious.

Sorry that was in response to Don't make your daughter a 'little helper' for fuck sake

Have another one: smug parents who their perfectly wonderful children is all down to their amazing parenting, not luck/money/health/chances etc…

(Btw, I think it’s quite possible we’ve all been that parent at one point, just not for ever)

Ours is a "good sleeper" so we dodged a lot of the sleeplessness after he turned one but I echo all the mealtime planning wears me down the most.

For dinner, we either have to eat with DS at 5pm or have to eat after the bedtime rigmarole wraps up at 8-8.30. I miss being able to cook and eat a meal at a sensible time!

He's 4 next year and I'm hoping we are in the home straight for being able to eat as a family at a reasonable time soon... But not holding my breath!

@afternamechangefail
Sort yourself out troll

Relentlessness and never having any alone time . I existed in periods of 5 minutes. I had 18months between both and seemed to face a new challenge every 5 minutes. It also didn't help that I had lots of "advice" from well meaning relatives which felt like constant criticism. And zero childcare made me exhausted and extremely resentful.

I remember DH once was home later than usual and complained about being in a traffic jam. I was thinking ' I would LOVE to be in a car by myself for a hour, it would practically be like a spa break. '

I really hate looking at the clock and thinking, "oh god, it's still 3 hours until bath and bed" and then having to think of things to do for those 3 hours when all I want to do it play on my phone, under a blanket and watch TV, but instead I have 2 under 4 and I can't.

No issues with sleep or tantrums, but we took time to get to know our children (as babies), work out how they ticked and set age-appropriate boundaries.

What if not sleeping and tantruming is what makes my kid tick?

@TorchesTorches

Relentlessness and never having any alone time . I existed in periods of 5 minutes. I had 18months between both and seemed to face a new challenge every 5 minutes. It also didn't help that I had lots of "advice" from well meaning relatives which felt like constant criticism. And zero childcare made me exhausted and extremely resentful.

I remember DH once was home later than usual and complained about being in a traffic jam. I was thinking ' I would LOVE to be in a car by myself for a hour, it would practically be like a spa break. '

@torchestorches same! I'm always really envious of my husband's objectively horrible commute because it's child free.

@rjane

Keeping a straight face in "serious" situations. Why? Because some things are REALLY important to 3 year olds and need to be taken seriously. I will admit to having to go into another room, close the door and then laugh. No issues with sleep or tantrums, but we took time to get to know our children (as babies), work out how they ticked and set age-appropriate boundaries.

The comment is really misjudged 🙄

I’m not sure. I had my first (and only) at the beginning of lockdown #1. So I think the isolation, lack of medical support, any kind of postnatal care, perinatal mental health care, any chance to interact with other new mothers…that’s been the hardest for me. I’ve had to just get on and survive. I worry about those who didn’t.

@Fl0w3ry

Broken sleep, tantrums and overbearing relatives.

This 100%!!!

@JudgeJ
*
thetittifer
The fact that when you're in the depths of it most people don't really get just how incredibly hard it is, because if they did they would proactively help (I'm specifically referring to siblings with no kids and very little stress in their lives - and yes I know that childcare shouldn't be expected but if they knew how hard it was they would be offering). I remember having a newborn and 18 month old that wouldn't sleep and nearly having a bit of a breakdown whilst people around me were none the wiser
Did you actually ask for help from your siblings if you found your children so difficult? On these pages parents, mainly mothers, are constantly complaining about family butting in so maybe they didn't want to be thought to be critical by offering*

Yes and No
Some siblings genuinely wouldn't have a clue what they were doing and I would only now trust them to take the oldest to the park, but i would occasionally ask the others and they did say yes so they'd take them out in the pram for a bit which was great, however I didn't want to take the piss and also they would come out with comments like "I don't change nappies" etc which pretty much rules out a long break as inevitably one of them will need a nappy change.
DHs brother actually said recently he's not having kids and that taking my toddler out was the best contraceptive he knows
I guess they just don't enjoy children which is fine but a bit of help every now and again really makes a difference