To ask what you find/found hardest about being a parent to young children?

[Heepers]

For me, I think it is 100% the broken nights and exhaustion.

@SparklyGlasses

The relentlessness and repetition. Endless meals, naps, bedtimes, nappies, drinks, baths, nose wiping etc etc. Work feels a bit like a holiday (except then I miss them!)

And this!

Lack of sleep! Agree with pretty much everything else too but just find it all easier to cope with if I have managed some sleep. We were just managing to get there after our first and did it again, and the night wake ups feel so brutal!

@Heepers

Mine are 21 months apart and between them I saw every hour last night. Five years, God help us.

Sorry OP I have the same age gap, eldest is five next month and handful of times is true! People said it would get better when she started school...

The lack of sleep! You think you know what to expect, but you have no idea about tiredness until you have children!

When they are very little, the selfishness/lack of empathy of young children.

You can be poorly etc and they are often arseholes about the fact that you can't get up and play/bake their favourite cake.

Oh, looking after young children when you’re poorly is the worst.

@rjane
No issues with sleep or tantrums, but we took time to get to know our children (as babies), work out how they ticked and set age-appropriate boundaries.

And no one who has poor sleepers / tantrummers set boundaries or got to know their children? Don’t be a dick.

I don't think I am a "dick" although I have no idea what this is.
Surely one goes into having children with some idea of what this might mean?

@rjane

I don't think I am a "dick" although I have no idea what this is. Surely one goes into having children with some idea of what this might mean?

In that case you’ll have to take our word for it that you are.

I have a ds5. For me the worst thing is the complete lack of listening and then the tantrum when he's told off for doing what he's been told not to god knows how many times! The drama and end of the world attitude when he doesn't get his own way. What's even worse is he looks about eight and when it happens in public I get the judgemental looks.
Always hungry, and always wants my complete attention!

My house being permanently in bits. I remember cleaning the skirting boards the day before I went into hospital, to try encouraging labour. Now everywhere is a bomb site & my toilet is lucky to get a squirt of Domestos... It’s a never-ending mountain of mess!

1. Lack of sleep.

1. Stressing about pumping enough milk for when I was at work.

1. Being touched all the time.

Same as op. Sleep deprivation is the worst thing. Really bad.

No weekends off. Seriously, I looked forward to weekends for a while …and then I realised they were just as demanding as the week ...if not more so.

Someone posted on another thread recently something along the lines of, "dreading the morning and thinking how am I going to get through the day, and dreading the night time thinking how am I going to get through the night" - totally sums it up for me. The sheer exhaustion. Mine are 25 months apart (3 and 1) and DC2 now waking around 2-3 hours a night. I dread it.

And just the relentlessness. Being on the go from the minute you get up. Never remembering to tell your DH important things as your brain is just full of tasks. Mealtimes = the worst ever. The tantrums in shops when you are there getting things for THEM!

Never ever getting time to get anything for yourself - every trip into town, you need things for them and just run out of time to sort yourself out.

DC1 not hitting milestones and blaming ourselves (DC2 hitting them all "early" and we've done nothing different - he probs gets less attention!).

The cost of childcare. The guilt at feeling like work is a break, but working compressed hours so that less childcare required and being exhausted from that.

Never being able to recover from illness because they need you to be there for them. The mental load.

The constant "mummy"I realised that I go running as soon as my son shouts if he is upstairs. He is five. I just don't answer until he comes down to talk to me and talks in a normal voice.
I get irritated by the stupid noises and constant motion of him when he is tired. I know he can't help it but he constantly fidgets and twirls about on the floor. On the other hands he can be super kind and helpful.

Put it this way. Having small children is a joy if there's someone else cleaning up, doing the all the other stuff. So it's not young children, it's the RELENTLESS housework that comes with them that is the hardest. If you can solve that, then kids are worth it.

Wow! I’ve been lucky with dd as she went to nursery from 5 months and had been quite independent . Sleepless nights for the first 8 weeks. Housework Is the worst thing ever. I hated loads of toys and clutter. She’s 8 and am expecting baby no 2 in a few weeks time.I think the big age gap has done me a favour as I will have a little helper just little things like play with baby while I shower etc.

@Heepers

Mine are 21 months apart and between them I saw every hour last night. Five years, God help us.

5 year old and 3 year still getting you up that often has got to hurt!

Absolutely it was was the sleep deprivation that got me. I have a 21 month gap between eldest and twins. They very nearly broke me. 3 year olds are also the hardest. When the twins were 3, though I was still running on the fumes of sleep it was the relentless echoing threenager behaviour I found hardest.

The good news is I do feel we turned a corner when they were 4. I finally had a tiny bit of energy for myself and things started to get back on an even keel. I hope you also turn the corner soon.

@rjane
No issues with sleep or tantrums, but we took time to get to know our children (as babies), work out how they ticked and set age-appropriate boundaries.

Yeah this rubbed me up the wrong way too. I know how my child ticks, I set age appropriate boundaries, but tantrums are developmentally normal - in fact they are a good sign that the child is developing appropriately. That doesn't stop them being frustrating to deal with though. It's not clear whether you're trying to say that your kid never had tantrums or that you didn't find them wearing, but I would find both extremely hard to believe.

Lol @rjane I wish I could set boundaries on my toddler having night terrors, and that would totally stop the broken sleep.
My toddler is just a mini human, they feel emotions, sometimes they can't sleep, sometimes they aren't hungry blah blah. Boundaries are fantastic, and I agree they're important with children, but that doesn't mean they all follow the same routine all the time. You may have lucked out in having good sleepers, and content children and that's great. My child is most of the time, but she still has off days, just as we adults do. Let's hope your children don't ever have a bad day!

Definitely the sleep deprivation.

The fact that I couldn’t go upstairs, even for a minute, without one of them crying. If they saw me go up the stairs they would cry, I always had to nip upstairs by stealth whilst DP distracted them.

The fact that every day would begin with the sound of a child crying.

Sudden family interest in every aspect of our lives. Going from feeling independent and being left to get on with things to dealing with over-interest in what we were doing or how we were doing everything.

I actually hate this bit of Monday where the relentless weekend seamlessly slides in to the relentlessness of work and my body and brain are still asking when they get to rest.

I'm with you on the sleep. The long term sleep deprivation has affected my health, career, parenting and relationship in so many ways. It's brutal.

At one point I had three under 4 and it was ok apart from when one of them got ill. Toddlers and babies brig ill is the worst.