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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Half mast trousers kid

128 replies

Gerlais · 28/11/2021 14:00

In my sons class at school is a boy who has always worn very half mast trousers. He’s 9 now and is known by the other kids (and some of the parents) as the half mast kid. When the kids went back to school in September he was sent in with new school trousers which were so short they were above his ankle socks (and they’re loose fitting too so not trendy half mast). Obviously I’ve told DS not to mention it but he has asked why the lad wears such short trousers (to which I’ve said it’s none of our business).
A few weeks ago DSs friend was talking about his birthday party and someone asked if this lad was going to which the kids burst out laughing and said they were not inviting the half mast kid. I feel so sorry for him! Obviously he’s at the age now where the other kids will pick on him for it. It’s not like he’s simply outgrowing his trousers, his mum buys them new like this.

Anyway I’ve recently joined the gym, as has this lads mum and we recognised each other from school and have become friendly. I’ve asked her how her DS is getting on at school and she’s said he gets a bit of bother off the others but it’s because he’s quiet. I really want to bring up the trousers but AIBU to do so? I see kids and parents laughing about him all the time bless him. I can’t understand how she doesn’t see it? Or why she buys him such Ill fitting trousers?!

OP posts:
shouldistop · 28/11/2021 16:30

I find even the M&S slim range are way too big around my sons waist. He's 5 and about 60th for height 50th for weight and he wears age 4-5 pulled right in at the waist. They're now getting a bit short but I'll let the hems down for another few months wear.
Saying that if they were noticeably short then I'd buy the right length and get them taken in professionally at the waists.
I'd try to raise it in a nice way. You'll be doing the kid a favour.

BungleandGeorge · 28/11/2021 16:33

Surely the majority of a kids vocab is learnt from parents? My kids have potentially heard me say it about various online orders as ankle swingers seem to be in fashion for women!
I’ve never heard half mast refer to something rude though. I’d use a different expression for that (and no my kids wouldn’t have know that one)🤣
I agree I’d absolutely tell her directly for the kids sake. And suggest M&S. the short trousers which are popular for older boys are all very skinny fit aren’t they?

MrsWhites · 28/11/2021 16:34

I would want to know if someone was bullying my child so I would definitely tell her.

Could you say something along the lines of ‘I’m really sorry to have to tell you but after you mentioning that Bob was being picked on, DS actually mentioned that a couple of children in the class have commented in a not very nice way about his trousers being shorter than the other boys in the class. I wanted to tell you because obviously you can address it with school’.

Hopefully then she will address the issue herself or if she continues the conversation you could suggest some of the slim fit/longer length versions available if this is the problem.

Parents bullying children is abhorrent, they should be ashamed of themselves!

BungleandGeorge · 28/11/2021 16:37

@shouldistop

I find even the M&S slim range are way too big around my sons waist. He's 5 and about 60th for height 50th for weight and he wears age 4-5 pulled right in at the waist. They're now getting a bit short but I'll let the hems down for another few months wear. Saying that if they were noticeably short then I'd buy the right length and get them taken in professionally at the waists. I'd try to raise it in a nice way. You'll be doing the kid a favour.
Try the extra long and go down an extra age if you can! They do long and extra long. Extra long are 2-3 age bands in length above the waist size. Other places only seem to do a ‘long’
WayneKorr · 28/11/2021 16:42

A perfect response @MrsWhites

megletthesecond · 28/11/2021 16:42

The other parents laughing at him are scum.

My teen DS often has half mast trousers. He's literally all leg and whip thin.

1forAll74 · 28/11/2021 16:42

Sign of the times.! in the olden days, lots of boys wore shorter than normal trousers, because if they had a couple of other Brothers, trousers were handed down from one to the other. in times of not a lot of money, so some trousers were not the perfect fit for all, and people were not making horrible comments about such things.

The sheep people all saying the same things about a boys trousers, fall short of having any manners.

Sunshine1235 · 28/11/2021 16:43

I would tell her what you’ve overheard, especially with reference to parents as she might want to take it up with the school. She might also then try and come up with a solution for her sons trousers but ultimately this is an issue with bullying in the school and in the parent culture too which should be challenged

Restart10 · 28/11/2021 16:45

I don't think your title is very nice either. You are referring to him exactly as these other 'vile' people.

UserOfManyNames · 28/11/2021 16:54

He could wear a belt if the waists are too big, it’s not rocket science. I cannot understand if it’s that visible that the poor boy is standing out that much, and it’s gone on for so long, how the mother has not noticed! Is she that dim?

I would be horrified if my kid had been made into a social pariah for something that was within my control.

Please, please just tell her outright the next time you see her. Poor lad will have cold ankles too. She had made her DC a laughing stock, which absolutely does not take away from the vile people doing the bullying at all of course.

As for the that, you should have told the school as soon as you heard what was being said. My DC were taught about being ‘bystanders’ at an early age.

Sorry OP but this has got me boiling!

kowari · 28/11/2021 19:06

He could wear a belt if the waists are too big, it’s not rocket science.
I've never been able to get my 15 year old to wear a belt, he'd prefer short trousers. Luckily his 28/32 jeans finally stay up, I gave away his age 12 ones in spring! They also look silly if too big, baggy on the bum.

Dalooah · 28/11/2021 19:15

@Gerlais no one's mentioned it, but could it possibly be cultural? I'm aware some religious/cultures wear deliberately shorter trousers but I'm not entirely sure of the significance/if children do it etc. But as a PP said. I'd probably say it straight that I heard that your son is being bullied, is everything ok etc- and maybe she might ask you why etc.

Hertsgirl10 · 28/11/2021 19:24

Parents laugh at him? Nice.

I would tell her that your child has mentioned that people aren’t nice to him cos of the trousers.

KatherineofGaunt · 28/11/2021 19:27

I can't figure out if "half-mast" means they're up around his shins or pulled down to expose his pants. Confused

But I did teach a child on the autistic spectrum who had to wear his trousers up above his socks due to a sensory issue. So it could be that.

Regardless, mention it to his mum. It's not fair to keep this a secret from her as her son is being bullied by children and their parents.

Lemoncurd · 28/11/2021 19:30

So confused, I always thought 'half mast' meant your flies were undone. Just asked husband what it meant and he said the same.

Our youngest is tall and skinny, his trousers always seem too short, I'm constantly buying new ones, going for longer length each time but it seems like they are washed a couple of times and then too short again. He's 12 with about 24" waist and I'm getting 34" length now. Normally need to get around 28" waist as they just don't come small enough in that length. I don't think anyone he knows would say anything, but I'm always conscious of it.

ClaudiaJ1 · 28/11/2021 19:36

@Lemoncurd

So confused, I always thought 'half mast' meant your flies were undone. Just asked husband what it meant and he said the same.

Our youngest is tall and skinny, his trousers always seem too short, I'm constantly buying new ones, going for longer length each time but it seems like they are washed a couple of times and then too short again. He's 12 with about 24" waist and I'm getting 34" length now. Normally need to get around 28" waist as they just don't come small enough in that length. I don't think anyone he knows would say anything, but I'm always conscious of it.

It means when a man has a semi, ie semi erection. Ergo 'half' mast.
BungleandGeorge · 28/11/2021 19:40

@Lemoncurd

So confused, I always thought 'half mast' meant your flies were undone. Just asked husband what it meant and he said the same.

Our youngest is tall and skinny, his trousers always seem too short, I'm constantly buying new ones, going for longer length each time but it seems like they are washed a couple of times and then too short again. He's 12 with about 24" waist and I'm getting 34" length now. Normally need to get around 28" waist as they just don't come small enough in that length. I don't think anyone he knows would say anything, but I'm always conscious of it.

It basically means anything that is only part way to where it should be- comes from when a flag is lowered part way. I’ve heard it used for flys undone before now too!
ClaudiaJ1 · 28/11/2021 19:41

half-mastwww.definition-of.com › half-mast
Or: half hard , describes a penis midway between erection and flaccidity; a partially erect penis. Link to this page: ...

Urban Dictionary
half mast
When you are half way on your way to a boner.
He was turned on half mast.

and

Erectile dysfunction (impotence) - NetDoctorwww.netdoctor.co.uk › conditions › sexual-health
4 Dec 2020 — However if you find yourself frequently flying at half mast, it could be a symptom of something more serious. The good news is, erectile ...

Which is why other children (who don't know the sexually explicit meaning of 'half mast' so don't know they are using terms like that) and adults especially talking about a 9 year old boy in this manner is quite disturbing.

Notbornwithit · 28/11/2021 19:42

I’d literally say ‘aww kids are awful. I’ve heard they call him half mast boy.’ Then when she says ‘do they?’ Say ‘It’s so difficult to get trousers that fit when they’re slim though isn’t it?. Although I’ve heard next do a slim range’

Bwix · 28/11/2021 19:45

But half mast means falling down rather than too short ConfusedHmm

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 28/11/2021 19:48

Isn't it interesting how we all have different understandings of phrases. In my area (Lancashire) half-mast would describe trousers or jacket sleeves that were too short and 'flying low' for a fly not done up properly. Never heard half-mast in relation to erections!

But re the original post, it is incredibly cruel and OP should be honest with the lads mum.

Hankunamatata · 28/11/2021 19:51

My youngest wears his trousers at half mast - I have to buy then this way and he is 9. He has adhd. I cant cope with trousers touching his shoes. He wears funky socks though. Luckily his school is super inclusive and kids are taught that everyone is different. I'm dreading high school

Hankunamatata · 28/11/2021 19:52

Im assuming you mean too short trousers btw

BogRollBOGOF · 28/11/2021 19:53

I have very lean boys and for DS2, it's so difficult finding something long enough that will stay up anywhere near his waist for more than 30 seconds. Adjustable waists often end up looking like sacks of potatoes with umpteen inches of surplus fabric yoinked in and you lose the elasticity to pull them on and off.

DS1 swerves the problem by only wearing shorts due to his sensory issues, but they end up with the waists lasting for years before they are forcibly retired when they get to a rather retro length. He doesn't cope with the heat from his knees being covered.

Trousers are very unforgiving for length/ waist ratios or sensory children.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 28/11/2021 19:55

And did you consider ringing the mothers of the boys about their bullying behaviour
God forbid anyone considers ringing anyone’s father.