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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Half mast trousers kid

128 replies

Gerlais · 28/11/2021 14:00

In my sons class at school is a boy who has always worn very half mast trousers. He’s 9 now and is known by the other kids (and some of the parents) as the half mast kid. When the kids went back to school in September he was sent in with new school trousers which were so short they were above his ankle socks (and they’re loose fitting too so not trendy half mast). Obviously I’ve told DS not to mention it but he has asked why the lad wears such short trousers (to which I’ve said it’s none of our business).
A few weeks ago DSs friend was talking about his birthday party and someone asked if this lad was going to which the kids burst out laughing and said they were not inviting the half mast kid. I feel so sorry for him! Obviously he’s at the age now where the other kids will pick on him for it. It’s not like he’s simply outgrowing his trousers, his mum buys them new like this.

Anyway I’ve recently joined the gym, as has this lads mum and we recognised each other from school and have become friendly. I’ve asked her how her DS is getting on at school and she’s said he gets a bit of bother off the others but it’s because he’s quiet. I really want to bring up the trousers but AIBU to do so? I see kids and parents laughing about him all the time bless him. I can’t understand how she doesn’t see it? Or why she buys him such Ill fitting trousers?!

OP posts:
Chocolateteabag · 28/11/2021 15:20

@Gerlais

"Hi, look I need to talk to you about something important... I think your son is being bullied at school. I've overheard comments about the length of his trousers."

There - just get straight to the point and tell her. Either she will be horrified and say something about struggling to find trousers that fit.
Or, she'll not care and just brush it off

Gliderx · 28/11/2021 15:22

Just get straight to the point and tell her you've heard from your DC that her child is being bullied and she might want to look into this if she's concerned he's unhappy.

Rubyupbeat · 28/11/2021 15:23

Have you ever pulled the parents up on it?, someone needs too.

InTheLabyrinth · 28/11/2021 15:23

You could also try campaigning for sensible sized school uniform.
My 12 yr old had some age 6 shorts removed from his wardrobe last summer - they fitted hisxwaist perfectly, but were just too short.
We buy the smallest age waist in M&S extra long trousers, and still need the adjustable waist pulling in several inches.
Kids clothes are just not sized for slender kids (and equally, I guess, very tall kids).

Nishkin · 28/11/2021 15:25

I agree with telling her straight out- a friend of my brothers was being picked on because his mum insisted on walking him to scouts and picking him up. My mum told her and they agreed that my brother would walk home with him to stop her worrying

Appiandterri · 28/11/2021 15:26

@Gerlais

Well obviously they have heard it from their parents!

He’s a skinny lad so I’m wondering if she buys the size younger to fit his waist? If so I know Next do adjustable waists as my lad is also very skinny. I just want a way to bring it up without sounding horrible or judgy. I was picked on at school for what I wore, it was traumatising and so humiliating. I was the charity shop kid.

I think I’d be digging out some adjustable waist trousers and passing them on saying DS has grown out of them.

So sad, poor lad. It will get a million times worse in high school &, no matter how he dresses from now on, the name will follow him.

Rainbowsew · 28/11/2021 15:26

I had this with both my dc, they're slim so the trousers were always too big in the waist for the age he was at. In the summer they could get away with shorts for children several years younger than they were.

I'd make a comment along the lines of "our x has grown so much I've had to get the next size up of trousers and give home a belt just to get the length right!"

JustDanceAddict · 28/11/2021 15:26

Maybe the kid likes trousers like that?
My DS is very slim and I used to have trouble getting him trousers, adjustable waists were useful but I ended up buying tall & slim fit towards end of his uniform days - they have more options now.
DS has one pair of trousers at age 17 that’s hate, they are too short for him (he is tall), but insists on wearing them. A bit different when they’re 9 and uniform that you buy yourself for them.
I would try and approach it subtly. Agree the word half-mast comes from the parents.

Cameleongirl · 28/11/2021 15:28

Even if he's skinny, she could buy a larger pair, hem them, and he could wear them with a belt? That's what my DS did once he was older...doesn't work for v. young children who leave going to the loo until the last minute!

ElsieMc · 28/11/2021 15:36

Oh dear this takes me back. At primary school my dd2 had a friend whose mum made her wear victorian clothes. I visited her home once and on the wall were pics of the family all dressed in victoria regalia in sepia hues. DD's friend was a very anxious girl and I did blame her parents' over expectations.

The boys teased her mercilessly at Christmas parties' etc and I was on the brink of ringing her dm up because the cruelty was awful. I didn't of course.

But I did get a phone call from her mother. My dd1 got pregnant at 15 which was a huge shock to the family. Friends mum rang and asked me to keep it from her daughter because the shock would put her off her clarinet exam.

We also had a lad at primary school who wore short shorts even in winter. It looked appalling. His mother was a teacher and she told me when she caught me looking aghast that it was his punishment for losing his uniform.

Lovemusic33 · 28/11/2021 15:40

Poor kid, sounds like some parents started this and the kids joined in, sounds like no ones correcting their kids when they laugh at this kid. I my kid came home and said they called a child a name because of the way they dressed I would be correcting them, it shouldn’t matter what anyone wears, it doesn’t change who they are, no one should be picked on due to their appearance or what they wear.

I would tell the mother what kids are calling her son, maybe then she can get him better fitting trousers (not as though she should have too), kids and adults can be so mean.

CovidMakesThingsHard · 28/11/2021 15:42

I would say something to her, like did she know her son was referred to as this because of his ill fitting trousers? That it might be why he was quiet.

VioletVesper · 28/11/2021 15:43

The poor lad Sad Please tell her OP, and not in a roundabout way that may go over her head as some has suggested, just be honest.

rrhuth · 28/11/2021 15:50

You could ask the boy round, if your child is happy to do that?

It sounds like it would be good for your child to avoid the horrible families too!

BungleandGeorge · 28/11/2021 15:55

I think M&S also do an extra, extra long length to order. The bullying is horrible and needs addressing I agree. I do wonder why parents do this though, do they genuinely not realise? Kids were picked on for the same issue when we were at school, if the trousers are never the correct length what is going on? Potentially might be a red flag? Poor kid I’d be tempted to buy him some decent trousers myself

SpangleWhorl · 28/11/2021 15:56

Does the PTA really have any bearing on what teachers say, think and teach?

PaperDreamsHoney · 28/11/2021 15:57

I agree with PP, I'd speak to the mum and say your son has told you her DS is being bullied, and the length of his trousers is something that seems to be getting targeted.

secondaries · 28/11/2021 15:59

Skinny kids need the Tall/long range for a younger age. So buy in a size that is a year or two younger, but buy the Tall/long range - gives the slim waist but longer legs. A bit counterintuitive, especially if your DC is normal height for their age.

And agree with PPs, parents need to lead by example on not bullying making fun of small children. Some parents revert to playground mentality when their kids are in primary and once a bully always a bully...

ClaudiaJ1 · 28/11/2021 15:59

@AndMatt

Do today's 9yos even know what half mast means, let alone have it in their regular vocab to the extent it becomes a nickname?
Yes. I thought the thread was going to be about something, er, entirely different. I think OP you need to explain to your DC what 'half mast' actually means when it comes to a male....

But yes, I would absolutely tell her. She needs to know her son is being bullied and why.

kowari · 28/11/2021 16:13

Skinny kids need the Tall/long range for a younger age. So buy in a size that is a year or two younger, but buy the Tall/long range - gives the slim waist but longer legs. A bit counterintuitive, especially if your DC is normal height for their age.
Yes, it's easy for parents to buy 'skinny fit' or 'slim fit' and think that's the only option when the waist is often the same, it's just that the legs are narrower.

Calmdown14 · 28/11/2021 16:19

For those with skinny boys, Aldi trousers are bloody brilliant. The elastic goes right through so the adjustment can be spread evenly. I hate the ones with only elastic at the side so you end up with a bulge - and a waist band which still falls down!

WonderfulYou · 28/11/2021 16:21

NRTFT but in secondary school this seems to be the fashion.
Does he have older siblings at secondary school that could be trying to make him look cool?

I’m 31 and have never heard the term half mast kid and wouldn’t even know it was referring to his trousers, so obviously parents have had a hand in giving this kid a nickname. The parents are vile and I’d struggle to bite my tongue.

I’d have a word with the headteacher about the parents disgusting behaviour and give names.

SunshineCake1 · 28/11/2021 16:24

A woman laughed as she told me how my son was wearing trousers that were too big for him. This was years after the event but I was so upset as I hadn't realised they were so baggy on him and these days his younger brother wears the skinny fit. I don't know if they were around for his older brother. Made me feel so shit. Currently said skinny trousers wearing boy has ones that are a bit short but he isn't bothered. I looked today for the next size but none left. Why she's buying them too short seems unfathomable.

SunshineCake1 · 28/11/2021 16:25

@Gerlais

Well obviously they have heard it from their parents!

He’s a skinny lad so I’m wondering if she buys the size younger to fit his waist? If so I know Next do adjustable waists as my lad is also very skinny. I just want a way to bring it up without sounding horrible or judgy. I was picked on at school for what I wore, it was traumatising and so humiliating. I was the charity shop kid.

I had this and was stumped in the shop and a lovely kind lady pointed out not to buy ones that were too short. I was to buy for the length not the waist/age.
JustLyra · 28/11/2021 16:27

The boys teased her mercilessly at Christmas parties' etc and I was on the brink of ringing her dm up because the cruelty was awful. I didn't of course.

And did you consider ringing the mothers of the boys about their bullying behaviour?

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