Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends 18 month old baby

128 replies

Lizibetz · 28/11/2021 09:23

Friend has an 18 month old daughter. She’s a climber and will literally climb on anything. We have arranged walks in the park which have ended in major tantrums as the baby refuses to go into her pram and wants to walk everywhere and will scream as soon as she’s picked up. Refuses to hold adults hand … isn’t happy unless allowed to walk and climb. Friend takes her to soft play quite a bit and baby is constantly trying to climb up things she’s too young for and screams if you try and help her or remove her. Took her swimming and she fights to get away from adult as she wants to swim by herself or walk off away from the pool etc. (She can’t swim) she has ended up under the water a couple of times as she’s caused such a fuss that her mum has accidentally dropped her or she’s slipped from her hands.

Her mum recently bought her a dolls pram which she pushed around for a few minutes and then tried to climb in it, it folded up on her and she ended up stuck in it screaming as her mum tried to free her. A few weeks ago she had managed to climb onto a window ledge after manoeuvring a sofa, a toy box and a blow up unicorn all whilst her mum was 2 minutes preparing her lunch in the kitchen.

Anyway, my point - I’d originally agreed to look after baby once mum goes back to work but now I’m scared of the thought! She’s lovely but very hard work, fiercely independent - I don’t remember babies being like this. She’s an accident waiting to happen! Is this even normal for her age? I feel like I need to say something but if this is normal behaviour then I’d be unreasonable to do so!

OP posts:
UpsideDownToast · 28/11/2021 13:12

What did you have in mind when you offered childcare?

Children are hard, other people's children even more so.

The toddler age is also the WORST age.

Babies - put them down and they stay there. Yeah, they scream loads and are poo machines but they don't talk back and if you need them to do something/be somewhere you can physically get them to do it.
Toddlers - embodiments of Satan.
Preschoolers - still mostly embodiments of Satan but the conversation is better
Primary age - sassy but actually have a vague concept of empathy. Think reformed villain in a blockbuster movie.

*source - I've been a Nanny for 13 years and have looked after more children than most people my age have met.

thewhatsit · 28/11/2021 13:13

It’s funny because neither of my children have tolerated the pram at all and I look at people pushing 18 months old in prams without them screaming in bewilderment..! How?!

Ozanj · 28/11/2021 13:22

@thewhatsit

It’s funny because neither of my children have tolerated the pram at all and I look at people pushing 18 months old in prams without them screaming in bewilderment..! How?!
You won’t like this answer lol. But with DS I manhandled him in every time. His tantrums only ever lasted a maximum of 10 mins and after that he loved being in. Same with the car seat. Same with softplay. If I pandered to him he wouldn’t have had any experiences at all.
HerbertChops · 28/11/2021 13:37

This was my DS1, was exhausting, took him to gymnastics and he was amazing, story time at the library not so much. He’d climb so high at the park I had to choose them carefully, closest to us had a high platform but only a fireman’s pole to get down which was beyond him age 2. Had to ask a tall man in the park to get him down (I’m only 5’) went to ones with slides only after that!

It was bad enough and he was my dc, wouldn’t look after a similar child if I could help it.

Piglet89 · 28/11/2021 14:02

This is probably going to be a very politically incorrect and controversial post, but I don’t care.

My son is like this also. Childcare professionals of many years’ experience consistently remark on how energetic and fearless he is.

He is charming, cheerful and very brave. But most of the time, at 2 years 3 months, it’s a bit of a nightmare.

My theory is that there are a lot of clever, over-achieving women on Mumsnet. In their boy children in particular, once they reach toddler age (tho there are of course some girls also like this) this inherited intelligence manifests as boundless curiosity, leading to dangerous climbing (to reach stuff about which they’re curious) and endless touching of every object in reach, regardless of the consequences.

It is absolutely relentless, draining and exhausting for their every waking moment and my only hope is that this too shall pass.

To you, @Lizibetz - the poor woman: bet she was looking forward to the break. Back out ASAP so she has as much notice as possible.

Piglet89 · 28/11/2021 14:11

@HerbertChops this is the kind of shit my son pulls.

Ozanj · 28/11/2021 14:39

@Piglet89

This is probably going to be a very politically incorrect and controversial post, but I don’t care.

My son is like this also. Childcare professionals of many years’ experience consistently remark on how energetic and fearless he is.

He is charming, cheerful and very brave. But most of the time, at 2 years 3 months, it’s a bit of a nightmare.

My theory is that there are a lot of clever, over-achieving women on Mumsnet. In their boy children in particular, once they reach toddler age (tho there are of course some girls also like this) this inherited intelligence manifests as boundless curiosity, leading to dangerous climbing (to reach stuff about which they’re curious) and endless touching of every object in reach, regardless of the consequences.

It is absolutely relentless, draining and exhausting for their every waking moment and my only hope is that this too shall pass.

To you, @Lizibetz - the poor woman: bet she was looking forward to the break. Back out ASAP so she has as much notice as possible.

Testing boundaries is not a sign of curiousity or intelligence. (Being risk averse is a sign of above normal intelligence in a toddler). Testing boundaries is how toddlers reassure themselves they still have a caregiver’s attention & is actually a sign of a healthy attachment.
RobynNora · 28/11/2021 16:13

@Piglet89 I was thinking the same. I’ve noticed repeatedly that it’s the kids like this in nursery who end up to be the seriously intelligent adults - and not necessarily physical either. Boundlessly curious is a good way to put it!

TheNinny · 28/11/2021 16:46

My two year old has been a climber since 18 months or so. She’s slowly coming out it but her Santa gift this year is pikler triangle set. Hoping that will at least contain in for a bit lol

SmellyOldOwls · 28/11/2021 17:04

Toddlers innit.

cakewench · 28/11/2021 17:15

Yes I'd forget about trying to comment on whether or not her behaviour is 'normal' and just focus on the fact that you're terrified (find a better word but that's mine Grin) you won't be able to watch her properly.

Definitely don't do this.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2021 23:52

[quote RobynNora]@Piglet89 I was thinking the same. I’ve noticed repeatedly that it’s the kids like this in nursery who end up to be the seriously intelligent adults - and not necessarily physical either. Boundlessly curious is a good way to put it![/quote]
I've got a rocket scientist and a brain surgeon on my hands then. But where the fduck do I put the damn Christmas tree so they dint climb it?

RobynNora · 30/11/2021 07:41

@SleepingStandingUp best inform Mensa about those little tree climbers

Mine was a little sack of spuds so I feel bad saying it, but the curious, ‘difficult’ toddlers are often fiercely intelligent from what I’ve seen. Just don’t volunteer to babysit them

Piglet89 · 30/11/2021 07:48

Guys - the curious and intelligent thing may be utter bollocks but there has got to be a silver lining and I’m clinging to it, while my pal’s toddler is asking me to read with her and my son’s trying to lop his hand off with a potato peeler he’s rootled out from some corner I thought was out of his reach, you know?

Mypathtriedtokillme · 30/11/2021 11:12

@SleepingStandingUp

We used to set our Christmas tree up inside the play pen. Kid on the outside.

And for ages after it was released from it’s tree imprisonment we had the bottom half of the tree strung with bells so I could hear them touch it. (And yell at them)

Mypathtriedtokillme · 30/11/2021 11:14

@Piglet89

Guys - the curious and intelligent thing may be utter bollocks but there has got to be a silver lining and I’m clinging to it, while my pal’s toddler is asking me to read with her and my son’s trying to lop his hand off with a potato peeler he’s rootled out from some corner I thought was out of his reach, you know?
Mine used to hide then eat her sisters felt tip pens behind the couch when a toddler.

Forest green or bright red pen dye makes for terror filled nappy changes.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/11/2021 11:37

[quote RobynNora]@SleepingStandingUp best inform Mensa about those little tree climbers

Mine was a little sack of spuds so I feel bad saying it, but the curious, ‘difficult’ toddlers are often fiercely intelligent from what I’ve seen. Just don’t volunteer to babysit them[/quote]
Very few people offerto babysit twins and certainly not for more than 45 minutes 😂 mine are fat like a sack of spuds, my tree wouldn't be able to fight back lol

SleepingStandingUp · 30/11/2021 11:40

[quote Mypathtriedtokillme]@SleepingStandingUp

We used to set our Christmas tree up inside the play pen. Kid on the outside.

And for ages after it was released from it’s tree imprisonment we had the bottom half of the tree strung with bells so I could hear them touch it. (And yell at them)[/quote]
Our living room isn't huge so there's no play pen we can fit where the pen is big enough that they can't touch. And if they can touch they can pull. And there's two of them.

I'm going to put it up bare and see what happens...

FlyingPandas · 30/11/2021 11:41

@UpsideDownToast

What did you have in mind when you offered childcare?

Children are hard, other people's children even more so.

The toddler age is also the WORST age.

Babies - put them down and they stay there. Yeah, they scream loads and are poo machines but they don't talk back and if you need them to do something/be somewhere you can physically get them to do it.
Toddlers - embodiments of Satan.
Preschoolers - still mostly embodiments of Satan but the conversation is better
Primary age - sassy but actually have a vague concept of empathy. Think reformed villain in a blockbuster movie.

*source - I've been a Nanny for 13 years and have looked after more children than most people my age have met.

Yes this!

Toddlers are the worst. Charming and adorable in some ways but it’s a bloody challenging awful age in many many others and probably the singularly most physically demanding of all stages of parenting/ childcare. I would not look after a toddler now for all the wine in the world!

Absolutely back out of the arrangement but as others have said, give plenty of notice and focus on the ‘not confident I’d be able to keep her safe’ excuse.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/11/2021 11:56

Yes this sounds quite normal! My dc were both a bit like this, especially dc2. I remember the need for reins! Also toddler soft play being a god send.

I think you should back out if this terrifies you as you won’t be able to keep her safe. But give your friend plenty of notice.

We had an au pair mainly to look after dc1 after school (5 year gap) when dc2 was a toddler. One particular Au pair couldn’t even keep an eye on him for a few minutes because she was so worried he’d injure himself!

FilledSoda · 30/11/2021 12:07

In what capacity did you offer to look after her ?
Are you a childminder ?
Are you a family friend ?
Are you charging ?
Were you intending to do this full time ?

cookiemon666 · 30/11/2021 12:53

My two boys were like this. Both climbed and were runners from toddler hood. Both had back pack reins, thank god for little life.
My mum looked after my kids when I worked and she coped with them by walking miles with them, this normally meant there wasn't a lot of energy left.

theruffles · 30/11/2021 13:47

I have a climber and even if you think you've thought ahead and taken all the things out the way that could be used to climb, they will find something else to use. I've found DD climbing onto a window sill by balancing on top of a Happyland toy and using the handle of the window to pull herself up. It's hard work and there are inevitable falls/accidents, even when you think you're watching them closely. I think I'd tell her your concerns and that you don't feel watching her DD is going to work out.

Piglet89 · 02/12/2021 00:39

@cookiemon666 what ages are your boys now and what are they like?!

cookiemon666 · 02/12/2021 18:31

@Piglet89 the oldest is 19 and is much calmer, my 14 year old has a diagnosis of ADHD, he is a competitive swimmer and needs sport to offset the energy