Friends 18 month old baby

[Lizibetz]

Friend has an 18 month old daughter. She’s a climber and will literally climb on anything. We have arranged walks in the park which have ended in major tantrums as the baby refuses to go into her pram and wants to walk everywhere and will scream as soon as she’s picked up. Refuses to hold adults hand … isn’t happy unless allowed to walk and climb. Friend takes her to soft play quite a bit and baby is constantly trying to climb up things she’s too young for and screams if you try and help her or remove her. Took her swimming and she fights to get away from adult as she wants to swim by herself or walk off away from the pool etc. (She can’t swim) she has ended up under the water a couple of times as she’s caused such a fuss that her mum has accidentally dropped her or she’s slipped from her hands.

Her mum recently bought her a dolls pram which she pushed around for a few minutes and then tried to climb in it, it folded up on her and she ended up stuck in it screaming as her mum tried to free her. A few weeks ago she had managed to climb onto a window ledge after manoeuvring a sofa, a toy box and a blow up unicorn all whilst her mum was 2 minutes preparing her lunch in the kitchen.

Anyway, my point - I’d originally agreed to look after baby once mum goes back to work but now I’m scared of the thought! She’s lovely but very hard work, fiercely independent - I don’t remember babies being like this. She’s an accident waiting to happen! Is this even normal for her age? I feel like I need to say something but if this is normal behaviour then I’d be unreasonable to do so!

Ds1 was like this. You have to have eyes in the back of your head. I had to buy a Silver Cross pram and keep it in a playpen to have somewhere safeish to keep ds2. The list of, frankly, fairly dangerous things he did as a toddler, and beyond, bring me out in a cold sweat these days. He is not NT but neither is ds3 and he wasn’t like this.

Pull out now and let her find a nursery with a good insurance policy 😂

Not sure what you're going to say that's going to stop an 18 month old from climbing. Her mum knows what her behaviour is like and presumably does her best to keep the child safe.

Fwiw, my 2 year old is currently playing on the windowsill.

I was also going to say she sounds like my twins…. What is it with twins?! Though mine were always social they were/are big climbers, hated sitting in the pram and wanted to walk (run ahead) and kept you on your toes at swimming (their teacher at the time even mentioned it, and also had great tips for teaching them what happens when you leap into the pool Willy nilly) and I had to do a tonne of baby proofing that I didn’t need with my eldest.

Their Nana used to watch them 1 day a fortnight and was shattered at the end of it. Actually I spent a couple of years just being shattered permanently…

Op are you a nanny or trained child carer? Is this cash in hand baby sitting? Do you have your own dc?

I cannot comprehend why anyone would willingly put themselves into a position of watching a toddler all day if they really didn't have to! Mine is just like this little girl except he's not great at climbing. But he's always looking for an escape everywhere we take him and if he's not allowed to do what he wants he screams bloody murder

Completely normal, my two year old DD started climbing like a monkey at about 15 months and I’ve had to unlearn every PFB instinct I had picked up with my son. He is so much safer and cautious than her. Learning to let her fall (as long as no serious injury would occur… and also adjusting my definition of “serious”) and accepting that climbing was inevitable so providing safe places for her to do so was the only way to help. She’s calming down now at just-turned-two… or maybe it’s just that she’s more capable now so I don’t mind as much.

If you don’t feel capable of looking after her I’m sure her mum would rather know in advance rather than you struggling to mitigate risks.

She sounds like my 13m old 😬😅 like a PP, he could climb before he could walk. Current obsession is trying to get over the back of our sofa 🙄 literally can’t turn my back for a second. You’re not being unreasonable to not want to provide childcare - it was very generous of you to offer on the first place. But please let the mum know as soon as possible so that she can make other arrangements.

YABU to think this isn't normal toddler behaviour, it definitely is and my DD was/is like this, some of them are. But YANBU at all to say you don't want to do childcare. Just say you think you underestimated how much it would be and you can't commit, but do tell her ASAP so she can find alternatives

stairgates & I use to put "hook" locks on the outside of upstairs doors so dc couldn't get in (& climb onto upstairs windows)
make sure front door is always locked with keys up high hidden from view near the door (when dd was young I kept the door keys attached to me by old fashioned nappy pin after dd locked me out of the house once)
inside house - do safety check room by room & move anything she can climb unsafely on - be careful about cooking when she is around & stairgates to block her out/in (will your friend pay you for these?) & reins when she goes out - if she tantrums so be it, ignore & carry on. If you need to put her in pushchair & she goes stiff tickle her tummy it makes them relax enough to quickly fasten belt
Otherwise - tell her you are a bit worried about safety & could you do a trial run of a few hours?

Some friends of ours had a climber. They found her, when she was less than 2, on top of their garage roof. The garden trellis had to go!

What is the frequency and duration that you'll be looking after her?

Nothing wrong and I'd say the opposite. She sounds like a super bright, curious child rather than a cute little sack of potatoes bubba who's more biddable but less switched on. But yeah, exhausting!!

Entirely sensible to back out if you need to.

If you do back out of childcare please make sure you give the mum enough notice to alter budgets, arrange other childcare, make adjustments at work as it can be a nightmare for parents.

Agree with this. It would be very harsh to offer and then pull out without leaving her time to sort an alternative, so give her plenty of time to arrange something else, or just do the first few weeks/months until she can get a space elsewhere.

What is it you have agreed to do exactly? Set days every week or just as and when? As that will impact how easy it is for her to arrange something else.

It's normal for some kids. Always thanked my lucky stars my kids weren't climbers and usually happy doing whatever I left them with. My friend's 3 yr old is adorable but always risking his life the minute you turn your back! Will climb on anything. I wouldn't look after him, either, even though he's lovely in every other way!

DC1 was like this - I have never been so skinny or so active in my life. DC2 was totally chilled and lazy and still is. Of the two, DC2 is the one with ASD and DC1 is NT. but regardless - I wouldn’t have been volunteering to look after DC1 if they weren’t my own!

Are you describing my DD2?

I suppose it depends on whether or not you want to provide care otherwise. My little girl is a fiesty, independent little thing but she’s good as gold for her grandparents when I’m not around. I also have some experience with children and think that in the next few months as she approaches 2 she is likely to become far more reasonable —or god help us— .

If you don’t want to do it anyway then let her know, but the sooner the better really as good childcare isn’t easy to find.

A child of mine nearly killed himself x 3 when he was 2.

My 19 months is exactly like this in terms of climbing.
Climbed ontop of toilet then ontop of toilet cistern this morning in 30seconds I was standing a metre from him trying to clean my teeth.

Stairs gates, cots, etc haha they don’t stop him at all, he just climbs over them like they aren’t even there.

If it’s any help, he has been getting better. He’s been climbing, running 9+ Months already, and now he’s over 18 months he seems to be a bit better to reason with as can actually understand. You can’t really reason with a 10 month old who’s climbing on the dining table!

@Lizibetz
You really haven't given enough relevant details for any real advice from MNers - you can still keep it vague but more informative

You agreed to look after 18 month year old when your friend goes back to work- yes? Now for

• every day, one day or one afternoon/ week or few days a week?

-paid or unpaid (paid as in should be a registered CM?)

• alongside your DCs or on her own just yiu and fronds DD?

Wonder how you can afford to care for someone else's child as a favour?
Presumably this is for a new job which friend doesn't have yet- She isn't going back after end of maternity leave as baby is 18 months already- so that boat sailed...!

Anyway, you're worried you can't safely care for child do the text message that @Thehop suggested in the very first reply post is perfect.
Stop delaying and do it sooner rather than later , if you've already decided

I have a climber who needs a lot of activity to tire her out. I think it is something like 3 hours a day physical activity needed for a 1-2 year old and mine surpasses that easily and has done since she could crawl. Toddlers can be very full on and they do need to be kept busy so if you think you're going to struggle I would be saying so now so that there's time for your friend to find an alternative arrangement.

The child may be very different with just you if you put the boundaries in place and are consistent with them. Speaking as a nanny for many years - The children I cared for could be completely different with me than with their parents.

She sounds completely normal to me and she’ll grow out of a lot of these behaviours soon. maybe have a trial where you have her for a couple of hours and then if you don’t feel you can manage just say so.

If you're planning to care for crazy-stunt-toddler alongside your own DCs as a favour to your friend, it sounds like it may be dawning on you that it was a mistake to offer and realised how varied each child can be. And that you can't keep her safe.

My youngest was a stunt-baby & I swear my hair went grey within a year!!! She was mine, so I couldn't return her and say "nah thanks, I prefer not to spend the next 4 years frazzled and unable to take my eye off her for a millisecond..." You however can. And I wouldn't blame you backing out particularly if you have other little ones at home or health problems...

Your friend would likely be better putting her in a nursery (closed environment). I did with mine when I worked - (even an experienced childminder couldn't keep up with her)

I think YANBU at all. The sheer worry of looking after such an energetic little one would make my hair curl! Often children like this are just a bit hyper .In a Nursery setting she would be under trained supervision ,and also able to play with all the other children there to stimulate her . I would just say to DF that you have thought about it long and hard ,and recognise LO would be a bit too much for you . No more explanation than that .Try and do it ASAP though ,or poor Mum will be stressed out at having to arrange Nursery care at short notice!

She's exactly like my DS. It's a nightmare and has been since 16 months.

He's perfectly normal - I've checked. However he is absolutely a handful at the best of times. YANBU to not want to look after them & I'd just be honest. The mum knows her own child and probably won't be surprised. Tell her how so she has time to make other plans.

My DSister who is very fond of DS refuses to take him to anything alone with her DD. He needs 1:1 supervision to do something structured or not contained.