Friends 18 month old baby

[Lizibetz]

Friend has an 18 month old daughter. She’s a climber and will literally climb on anything. We have arranged walks in the park which have ended in major tantrums as the baby refuses to go into her pram and wants to walk everywhere and will scream as soon as she’s picked up. Refuses to hold adults hand … isn’t happy unless allowed to walk and climb. Friend takes her to soft play quite a bit and baby is constantly trying to climb up things she’s too young for and screams if you try and help her or remove her. Took her swimming and she fights to get away from adult as she wants to swim by herself or walk off away from the pool etc. (She can’t swim) she has ended up under the water a couple of times as she’s caused such a fuss that her mum has accidentally dropped her or she’s slipped from her hands.

Her mum recently bought her a dolls pram which she pushed around for a few minutes and then tried to climb in it, it folded up on her and she ended up stuck in it screaming as her mum tried to free her. A few weeks ago she had managed to climb onto a window ledge after manoeuvring a sofa, a toy box and a blow up unicorn all whilst her mum was 2 minutes preparing her lunch in the kitchen.

Anyway, my point - I’d originally agreed to look after baby once mum goes back to work but now I’m scared of the thought! She’s lovely but very hard work, fiercely independent - I don’t remember babies being like this. She’s an accident waiting to happen! Is this even normal for her age? I feel like I need to say something but if this is normal behaviour then I’d be unreasonable to do so!

She sounds like a very normal toddler. I wouldn't say 18 months is a baby so maybe you were imagining a younger child who was more placid. At 18 months i would expect a child to push the boundaries, want to be independent and explore.

It's one of the reasons I'm not ever ever having any more children, i couldn't cope with the 15-36 months age range again 😆

That'd be a definite No from me.

I couldn't face the responsibility of taking care of such a child if they weren't my own. Absolute nightmare!

I have a friend who has 5 kids - one of them was like this. He was allowed over on playdates but ONLY if she stayed too - too dangerous for all concerned if she wasn't there to keep an eye on him. I didn't mind keeping an eye on the rest, just he was a full time job all by himself!

My ds was like this-he was a proper mountain goat!

She sounds like a normal 18mo to me, OP. But if you aren't comfortable providing childcare, you don't need a reason.
When is the mum going back to work? If you want to back out of this, do it right away---the family will need time to find another childcare arrangement.

Sounds like an entirely normal 18 month old! :)

Of course it's normal behaviour for active little ones, but if you don't think you can cope then YANBU to say no.

It would be a no from me I’m afraid! No way would I want the responsibility of looking after such adventurous child, I’m too old for that carry on

My 2nd D's was like this.
Fearless.
Riding adult bikes,he'd put his leg through the triangle bit.
He jumped out my bottom window at 18 months old and ran down the road.
You couldn't turn your back for a second or he'd be up to divilment.

He was a shock after ds1 I tell you😂.

I think you need to be honest and say it's just too much and there's no way you can mind her safely.

Normal for my child who has been running around literally since she could walk, climbing and never sitting still. So yabu that is isnt normal however you are of course not unreasonable to back out of an arrangement you arent comfortable with. Just speak up soon so mum can arrange childcare.

Yabu to thing the child isnt normal - my DD was exactly the same. She's much much better now at 2 and 3m

Yanbu to decide the childcare arrangement isnt for you as long as you give the mum plenty of time to make a different plan.

It's pretty normal and thoroughly exhausting but you wouldn't be wrong to say no if you didn't feel able to cope. I have dgs two days a week and now at 2 and a half he is easier to reason with than he was a year ago but it's still hard work. For a time I had him three days a week and found it too much so dd put him in pre school an extra day instead. Just make sure you tell your friend in good time though so she can find a good alyernative.

Sounds fairly normal.

Yanbu to back out but you need to do so ASAP.

I think YABU to imply that there could be something wrong with her because of your experience with children her age. However I don't think you're being unreasonable to acknowledge that you don't feel comfortable dealing with these behaviours while you're solely responsible for her. How long is there until her mum goes back to work? She may well have moved on from being fascinated with climbing by then, although that could be on to something else tricky to manage!

Oh and if you do end up having her, top tips for a child like this are:

• toddler reins! Godsend.
• arm bands for the swimming pool. Often very active children can swim using them unassisted (with adult supervision of course) at 18m - DD could and it solved the problem of her wanting to swim "on her own".

@Lizibetz
Sounds to me like. Child who is never told “NO!”
Loads of babies like to climb, and a case a long time ago where twin toddlers were crushed to death climbing up a heavy chest of drawers shows how utterly dangerous climbing can be.
She needs keeping safe and I’d not be happy looking after a child that is allowed to dictate terms.

[quote oakleaffy]@Lizibetz
Sounds to me like. Child who is never told “NO!”
Loads of babies like to climb, and a case a long time ago where twin toddlers were crushed to death climbing up a heavy chest of drawers shows how utterly dangerous climbing can be.
She needs keeping safe and I’d not be happy looking after a child that is allowed to dictate terms.[/quote]
I think this shows how dangerous unsecured heavy furniture can be tbh. You shouldn't be relying on the word 'no' to ensure the safety of children.

Arm bands for toddlers can come off, with fatal results ( pool party in someone’s garden- toddler wasn’t noticed amongst all drunken shrieking .

Each parent though other had the poor child.
Kids in or near water need 1:1 constant close supervision

Reins are great!
We used them and they were a godsend.

@SleepingStandingUp

The climbing I recognise 😂😂😭. Mine (twins) could push stuff to climb onto to get higher before they could walk. I don't know if it's normal but it's bloody annoying lol. It really is about supervision, mitigating risks (kids chair often end up in the hallway) and accepting if they got up they can probably get down.

If you do have her, reins for walks, smaller soft play (the kind linked to pubs are good) and agree a trial period

How long would you be having her and where?

This. Reins. Ask mum to get her some if she comes to you. Explain your concerns. If she doesn’t agree then say then you can’t take the risk I have 2 DS. One as “normal” the other was an “obsconder”, he as my first and honestly I spent my life chasing after him and grabbing him. We always used reins to stop an accident . Second one who was “normal” never needed reins- held my hand, but wouldn’t get out of the pushchair🤣🤣. However, when they grew up the younger one is more risky in his exercise. Eldest just walks. A lot.

[quote oakleaffy]@Lizibetz
Sounds to me like. Child who is never told “NO!”
Loads of babies like to climb, and a case a long time ago where twin toddlers were crushed to death climbing up a heavy chest of drawers shows how utterly dangerous climbing can be.
She needs keeping safe and I’d not be happy looking after a child that is allowed to dictate terms.[/quote]
Disagree. There are babies that just won’t stop moving - see my response above. I had one of each

Reins. Reins. Reins.

And childproof their house.

You will have to make a decision that suits you though.

Completely normal. My 18 month old climbs a wooden box and front somersaults into his cot for fun. He climbs the dining table and sits on it multiple times a day. Some children are climbers

Both of my girls were climbers. (They still love climbing)
Our chairs lived on the top of the dining table til they were each nearly 3.

We gave them safe areas to climb (pikers triangle, a low balance beam and stepping stones) and spent forever teaching them how to get down stuff.
I found giving the stuff to hold or snacks then quickly buckling them into the pram worked. (I’ve also many times carried my then screaming toddler under my arm like a sack of spuds)

But if your not comfortable looking after her then don’t!

Absolutely back out. No money worth this.

I once found my oldest up in the pantry shelves.
I left for 2 minutes to wee and she had scaled the inside shelves and was just laying there on top of a loaf of sandwich bread “being bread” according to her about 1.5 metres off the ground.

I work in childcare and honestly you do need to weather the storm when it comes to tantrums when it’s important. So if putting her in a puschair / car seat is important to take her out then do it and if her tantrum means you can’t do that then keep her indoors and let her Mum know that. Only do activities that you can do safely with her & if her tantrums limit her to your house then that is her Mum’s prompt to try and set consequences for her at home.