To not display a photograph of my rapist in my home

[FreedomAnniversary]

I have been told off in court by a NYAS barrister because I do not have a picture of my ex husband in my home. This is a person who has raped me, hit my while I was holding my newborn and also put his hand on my throat and threatened me.

NYAS have accused me of not encouraging the relationship with their father on purely that basis.

Am I being unreasonable to not have a picture of my abuser in my home?

I’m struggling for words on this one.

I would complain in writing

Jesus Christ

Sorry, to clarify
With the rape investigation ongoing, is it information included in his demands for access?

I am so sorry OP.

@Fatherfintanstack

Who on earth voted YABU?

You're obviously not at all, OP. I don't know why you'd want a picture of even an amicable ex in your house (except maybe to allow your child one in their room). In this circumstance, no, of course no human being would want to be seeing that every day. There's even a case ongoing FFS. I know you have a lot on your plate already but I'd raise a complaint about this insensitive request in light of the court case.

I'm worried that if I make the complaint now, they will continue ignore what I say and my evidence and still say they recommend contact.

They're even recommending contact while suggesting they investigate my ex for child abuse. I did not suggest that investigation, they did.

@DaisyNGO

Sorry, to clarify With the rape investigation ongoing, is it information included in his demands for access?

I am so sorry OP.

Everything is detailed, the court have hours and hours of my police interviews.

I see the Family Court hasn't run out of new and delightful ways to punish women for leaving.

Women are the defendants in Family Court and we are seldom acquitted.

I'm so sorry, this is beyond awful. 😘

"If the court deems it necessary for me to have a picture of my abuser at home then I will have one, in order to show I am willing to comply with whatever requests the court makes, as I want the court to know my child is my priority. But I feel that having an image of my abuser at home is damaging to my child and me and would like that to be noted."

And I'm so sorry, it's so fucking depressing how discarded women are in the system. Awful.

OP

I see

For a minute I thought I might have misunderstood and the investigation wasn't disclosed

The NYAS lawyer should advocate this man be kept away from his children.

YANBU, the family courts and a lot of the system in general are awful to women/victims OP. xxx

OMG this is horrendous. I can only assume that the people who voted yabu either hit the wrong one, or are MRAs

I was told the same by Childrens Services that I had to let DD have a picture of her dad in her room and if I didn't I would be seen as obstructing their relationship.

My Ex also dragged me through court, it took over 2 years and the fact there was no picture was used against me in court.

My ExH also got unsupervised contact, EOW. And yes he still uses it to abuse me. And I am terrified of going back to court so I do everything he tells me to.

I am so sorry @FreedomAnniversary

@DaisyNGO

OP

I see

For a minute I thought I might have misunderstood and the investigation wasn't disclosed

The NYAS lawyer should advocate this man be kept away from his children.

They aggressively insisted contact should begin immediately, while saying that they should investigate him for child abuse and noting in their position statement that he is reluctant to admit he is an abuser.

This is also as the judge has ordered he have a full psychiatric assessment.

Tell her to fuck off and come back to you if she ever gets raped and see how she feels, why should he have the privilege of being able to have a relationship with his children, the bastards a rapist he should be hanged.

This sort of thing makes me absolutely despair.

OP "This is also as the judge has ordered he have a full psychiatric assessment"

If I used my real words for this, I'd get banned.

I hope he gets what he deserves.

for you.

I am so sorry OP. I saw this one pulled on a friend some years ago, where her abusive bastard of an ex had successfully groomed the CAFCASS worker and was pulling all kinds of alienation accusations regardless of all the evidence stacked against him. She put a picture up and did all the hoop jumping required because the court process and all involved were already completely fucked up and incapable of basic humanity towards her, they just had their tick list of what to demand or else and the issues of abused women weren't anywhere on their radar. I'd suggest the quote above. It's absolutely bloody awful and abusive, but the easiest way out for you is to grit your teeth and jump whatever hoops the bastards demand. It will end.

Yanbu. and I wish I could come and stand by you in court.

Since I experienced the family courts nothing surprises me any more. I trained as a solicitor and was proud of our legal system until I escaped my abusive ex and fell down the rabbit hole into the to topsy turvy world of the family courts.

How do they know. I have never heard of anything like this EVER

Why on earth would you be unreasonable about this. How utterly ridiculous the things they put women through still in 2021

This is one area in which I feel the US is more advanced than the UK.
Courts are open to the public -- all parents can have attorneys (solicitors) present and they are provided if the parents cannot afford them. The press can also report on the happenings in court. The only thing kept private is the names of any children involved.
If this had happened in the US the press would have reported it and the public would be demanded that the judge be removed from the case!!!

You need to follow The Court Said USA on Facebook @GeorgiaGirl52 ....

#thecourtsaid

@GrandTheftWalrus

Who the fuck voted yabu?

I bet we have some incels/MRA's on this forum. I don't even know why they would come here, but sadly it's a thing.

I'd be saying I wouldn't want to encourage a relationship between such a disgusting beast and my son.

Most of the time people in these types of careers have never had to live scared in the real world.