Reaction to bum touching

[FuckingFabulous]

I had headphones on listening to music loudly, zoning out painting the walls, really cracking on with it and my husband snuck up behind me and stroked my bum. I obviously didn't hear him coming and my knee jerk reaction was to loudly snap "DON'T TOUCH ME!!"

He is all disgusted that I would snap at him like he was a perverted stranger in a bar. I am annoyed that he cannot grasp that women are almost always on alert for this and that I had headphones on and was engrossed in a task so was acting on instinct, not a personal insult. He's all hurt and sulky though

AIBU?

Eh? That's why I said if you SCARE you're spouse, apologise out of courtesy.

No, in response to a post which (quite validly) asked if it would be ok if her partner had hid and jumped out at her, or if it’s just ‘surprise’ sexual touching women need to accept at all times, you asked how anyone initiates sex with their partner, ‘ever’.

And the answer is, without scaring the hell out of them. It really isn’t difficult.

That's the whole point of the op, weinerdog, that he startled her... and then instead of apologising, complained that she shouted

Don't think anyone has suggested you can never touch your partner's bum? Except all the people saying "omg it's like you can't touch your partner's bum now!!!!"

I can understand that he startled you op but I think you overreacted,he's your husband is it completely unusual for him to touch you in any way spontaneously ? I only say that because me and my husband are always cheeky squeezing each other in an affectionate way when we are busy so its not something I'd shout at him for even when I've got headphones on and he sneaks up I might playfully shriek and call him a daft git but it would be in fun .

How is anyone supposed to initiate sex with their partner, ever? I suppose that's also sexual harassment 🙄

I think your technique needs a lot of little work, TBH.

Do people initiate sex with their partner by frightening them out of their skin?!

Well takes all sorts!

I think it is significant that OP's partner chose to touch her when

• she was 100% absorbed in an activity
• not thinking about him
• doing something that was once a traditionally male activity
• the touch was explicitly sexual ie not touching someone on the arm before offering to brew tea.

So there's an element of the man choosing to remind the OP that she is a female, his sexual partner who is available to him precisely because she is enjoying herself independently. The best case scenario is that he was thoughtless in this one instance. But an apology and a promise not to do that again is in order.

@JennieLee

You really believe his bum touch was an attempt to assert his dominance over her because it happened while she was painting a wall?
Are you serious?

So there's an element of the man choosing to remind the OP that she is a female, his sexual partner who is available to him precisely because she is enjoying herself independently.

Fuck me, did you put your back out with that stretch?