Very very petty - sibling warfare/binned post

[Yesiknowhowpettythisis]

I have NC for this because it really is extraordinarily petty and I’m a little bit ashamed of myself but still want to ask the question (just not to be associated with my normal username!):

For context, my older brother is the golden child and really is a very nasty, nasty piece of work. He gets away with murder. We haven’t spoken in nearly 2 years because of a fight we had when I was heavily pregnant and he got drunk and bullied me quite badly and verbally attacked my husband. Despite this when my son was extremely ill with sepsis I reached out to him for familial support. Nothing. So I’m pretty finished with him and frankly I am furious. His girlfriend goes along with all of this.

Anyway, we used to rent the same flat they are currently in. We moved 2 years ago. Our postal redirection ran out a year ago and they have just been binning our post (Which my mother refuses to accept as he’s the golden child).

We did not change the address the car is registered to as we just didn’t realise. 100% our fault - lesson learnt. DH received a speeding ticket and due to this and the post being binned, it’s now a court summons. Which we only realised because another neighbour saw some of our post in the bloody communal bin and brought it round!!!!

I know it’s ultimately our fault but MN I hate him so much now and I just want to know if I can be the pettiest person alive and somehow get him into trouble for binning our post. Yes, I’m awful.

[quote Yesiknowhowpettythisis]@Penistoe

Yes you are right we deliberately decided not to update it in order to irritate my brother and we then purposefully got a speeding ticket in order for him to receive several letters and then for DH to get called to magistrates course! What a master plan 😆🤦🏻‍♀️ Bloody hell, MN sometimes![/quote]
🙈🙈🙈

If you have not changed the address for the car do so online asap, where have Tax reminders, insurance renewals etc been going?

Tax and insurance have been coming to email! We changed it as soon as we got the letter and realised what colossal twats we had been.

*He I very nasty, nasty piece of work.
I told him to fuck off.
I hate him.

I wonder why he wasn't falling over himself to do you a favour*

@Saucy99

Yeh yeh, and if you select only the quotes about his behaviour and post them completely out of context you’d probably say the same I would think. 🤦🏻‍♀️

@MaskingForIt
Bahahahahhaah!!! Unfortunately that would involve boxing up a poo and that’s more trouble than it’s worth.

you all need to grow up

Yes, yes we do. But who can honestly say there’s nothing in their life that brings out the extremely juvenile or petty in them?!

@Wheresmywoolyjumpers

YES!!!!! IT IS NOT JUST US 😆😆😆 pleased to have been of help!!!!

@ThinWomansBrain

Insurance and tax all done via email

Who do you imagine you might get him in trouble with?

My mummy? The post police? I don’t know - I just think he’s been exceptionally petty and wanted to retaliate in equal measure. Maybe I will sign him up for the catalogues a PP mentioned.

The thing is, being honest with yourself it's not going to play out how you think is it?

Your fantasy - you report him to the police for binning your mail. Police arrest him and charge him.

Your DM is not going to come grovelling. She will be absolutely raging at you for doing this to Golden Son and everything thereafter will become your fault. It will be even worse.

You need accept who he is, and who she is, stop expecting reasonableness from them, drop the rope and get on with your life. How old are you and your brother?

@Cavagirl

I am 30. He is 40. You are right, it’s just quite difficult to have reached a point where I’ve had enough but nobody cares that I have had enough if you see what I mean 🙈

Unfortunately though, nothing you do can make them care. You'd need them to be different people.
Indifference is what you should be aiming for in your feelings towards them.
By jumping up and down to your mum, pointing and saying "look, I've got proof he did a bad thing! Look!" you're not helping yourself gain the acceptance you need. You'll just be disappointed all over again.
They will never be who you want them to be (or who you deserve). Sorry.

When we moved, we had a redirect for a year. I thought that was long enough for everyone, every organisation, every single thing that used our address to contact us in the normal way of things, and as the letters arrived I contacted whoever and changed our details.

So I sympathise with you, OP. I'd've expected a year to be long enough to get everything that mattered via the redirect. And yes, your brother could have given all of the stuff that came for you to your mum to pass. He should have.

I'd have no compunction at all about dobbing him in it, if I got the opportunity.

[quote Yesiknowhowpettythisis]@ThinWomansBrain

Insurance and tax all done via email[/quote]
But you have told insurance of your new address? Your premium may change as a result.

I'm 7 years into my address and still get post from the previous tenant and it's absolute hell, debt letters and bailiffs have knocked here countless times I have to prove with ID & my each time once I was almost arrested over Unpayed council tax for her, she was getting catalogue orders and not paying them when I'd been here 3 years used this as her billing but the delivery was a different address it's so so annoying I can't tell you.

Having said that she's no relation to me if it was a family member I was NC with id probably let them know through some form of contact wether it's your mum or whoever that they need to sort out there post as I'd effectively start binning it in the hope it would give them a kick up the backside to sort out there affairs.
You are both unreasonable.

I think that you have a ‘ brother-shaped’ hole in your life, but he, being a total arsehole, isn’t going to fill it. Unfortunately, he’s never going to be who you want him to be.

In terms of you taking revenge for his pettiness, I’m not sure it would make you feel any better. It’s like taking a poison yourself and expecting him to vomit.

However, I’m very petty, and I LOVE the catalogue idea. 😉😁

Look, he was a massive arse and you want revenge, even though it’s petty.

Right then, what will piss him off the most?

You being untouchable by him. Out of his control and unaffected by anything he says or does. Sailing along living a great life with no concern or interest in his existence. What brother? Do nothing. Ignore. Disengage.

Living well is the best revenge.

@Yesiknowhowpettythisis

The thing is also if he had forwarded the post we would have realised our error re not changing the car address a lot sooner and he wouldn’t hVe had the inconvenience for so long 😬

You really should have realised when your car insurance was due for renewal. Part of the price of car insurance is based on your postcode so if you're not in the same one, any claim would have been invalid.

But you have told insurance of your new address? Your premium may change as a result.

It's not just the premium - insurance contracts are ones of "utmost faith" - if you've not told them your correct address, if you make a claim the Insurance company could say that your insurance is invalid.

It was nasty of your brother to bin your post. It was horrible of him to have a go at you and insult your DH, and nasty to maintain his passive aggressive response to you telling him to fuck off and be so heartless when your child was ill.

So. That’s how he is.

It won’t make you feel better to get revenge, it really won’t. And could make things worse overall.

Concentrate on your own family, your DH, DC. Know that you are the happier person for not engaging in nasty petty maliciousness.

Rise above, walk forwards.

you knew he was nasty and went NC and still expected him to forward your mail? can you hear my eyeroll?

@Yesiknowhowpettythisis

you had 12 months to change your postal address. So yabu

We changed it absolutely everywhere else. For everything else. We genuinely just didn’t realise about the car as we had changed our licence addresses and thought that was it! Ignorance isn’t an excuse but we weren’t being lazy or doing it on purpose.

We got caught out by this. We thought we had changed all the details but forgot that one thing. We only found out when a debt collection agency found us at our new address and contacted us. We def won't be caught out again, should we ever move again.

I didn't think you were allowed to bin other people's post. I've never heard of anyone being arrested for it or anything though.

The car insurance has our new address!!!!

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3687109.stm

@godmum56

I didn’t really expect him to forward it, no. I thought we had changed everything important. Turned out we hadn’t but I hadn’t realised he was such an epic twat he would bin clearly important DVLA letters.

Any catalogue suggestions welcome. You know, just in case.

@longtompot

Yes - not a mistake either of us will make again I’m sure!

It's an offence to interfere with the Royal Mail.