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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very very petty - sibling warfare/binned post

119 replies

Yesiknowhowpettythisis · 26/11/2021 13:25

I have NC for this because it really is extraordinarily petty and I’m a little bit ashamed of myself but still want to ask the question (just not to be associated with my normal username!):

For context, my older brother is the golden child and really is a very nasty, nasty piece of work. He gets away with murder. We haven’t spoken in nearly 2 years because of a fight we had when I was heavily pregnant and he got drunk and bullied me quite badly and verbally attacked my husband. Despite this when my son was extremely ill with sepsis I reached out to him for familial support. Nothing. So I’m pretty finished with him and frankly I am furious. His girlfriend goes along with all of this.

Anyway, we used to rent the same flat they are currently in. We moved 2 years ago. Our postal redirection ran out a year ago and they have just been binning our post (Which my mother refuses to accept as he’s the golden child).

We did not change the address the car is registered to as we just didn’t realise. 100% our fault - lesson learnt. DH received a speeding ticket and due to this and the post being binned, it’s now a court summons. Which we only realised because another neighbour saw some of our post in the bloody communal bin and brought it round!!!!

I know it’s ultimately our fault but MN I hate him so much now and I just want to know if I can be the pettiest person alive and somehow get him into trouble for binning our post. Yes, I’m awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yesiknowhowpettythisis · 26/11/2021 14:20

@Collaborate

I’m sorry that’s really really awful. It’s amazing what people can’t push to the side when there is illness or emergencies.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yesiknowhowpettythisis · 26/11/2021 14:22

you had 12 months to change your postal address. So yabu

We changed it absolutely everywhere else. For everything else. We genuinely just didn’t realise about the car as we had changed our licence addresses and thought that was it! Ignorance isn’t an excuse but we weren’t being lazy or doing it on purpose.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yesiknowhowpettythisis · 26/11/2021 14:22

@AnFiadhRua

Gaslighting is the word!

OP posts:
PerfectlyUnsuitable · 26/11/2021 14:26

@lanthanum

Step back from it being your brother who lives there. If it had been anyone else, they would probably have binned the post too.
Nope I woud never have binned the post. After two years, I would have either send it back to sender or send it to the person if I knew where bthey were. At the evry least, I'd have told them they were still receiving suff.

I think binning the posts would have been petty for anyone. Binning the post when iuts a family memebre is taking revenge and trying to hurt the person in any way possible.

@Yesiknowhowpettythisis, I'd reset a 6 months redirect from that address and review what you are receiving. Check again that you have made all the changes you need.
And do NOT in any shape or circumstances rely on your dbrother to behave like a decent person.

AnFiadhRua · 26/11/2021 14:26

No it's not the same! You want your brother to treat you like his sister and thats not unreasonable.

People saying but would you expect a stranger to do that miss the point. If a stranger owes you nothing and gives you nothing, it doesnt HURT.

My brother and I arent speaking but if some post of a legal nature came to my house, id pass it on. WouldNT send biscuits with it though. or a note.

emmathedilemma · 26/11/2021 14:30

@Dozer

YABU. You went no contact - fair enough - but still want him to ‘be there for you’ in times of need and to do you favours.

Your and your H’s admin: your responsibility.

this!!
julieca · 26/11/2021 14:33

Oh for god sake I wouldnt dump a strangers mail in a communal bin never mind a relatives. I would put it back in the postbox with not known at this address.
MN has shown me how horrible a lot of people are.

unname · 26/11/2021 14:34

Why are you talking to your mother about this at all?

diddl · 26/11/2021 14:38

To a point your mother has created this by setting the two of you against each other.

He's not a decent person though so can't really be surprised that he bins your post.

Beckert · 26/11/2021 14:41

He sounds horrible op. He should have given it to your mum but he didn't. Make sure your admin is in order now to stop him doing anything like this again. And have nothing more to do with him.

3scape · 26/11/2021 14:42

Yeah it's annoying. But it's consistent . If you'd moved and forgotten then any other new tennant would have done the same. Your brother has already demonstrated there's no connection there. A shame, but I wouldn't be even raising it with someone who's not part of my life in that way

Chasingaftermidnight · 26/11/2021 14:46

It’s really annoying and he’s an arsehole for binning it. But equally you did commit an offence by not updating the address (and this is why it’s an offence!) So if I were you I would really wouldn’t try to take this any further because you’re likely to come off worse.

Original poster
Yesiknowhowpettythisis · 26/11/2021 14:51

Why are you talking to your mother about this at all?

I don’t understand this question.

@Chasingaftermidnight

We are going to raise it we are happy to accept a fine or similar as it’s our mistake; DH wants to explain to them that we haven’t deliberately avoided paying but thst we didn’t change the address/didn’t realise. If we get in trouble then we get in trouble - our fault. I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to bin someone else’s post though if I can get my brother in trouble somehow then bonus.

OP posts:
Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 26/11/2021 15:05

YANBU - If you see an official letter for someone you know, even if you dont speak to them, you have to be a complete a-hole to bin it. If it is official and you dont want to get in touch with them, you write not at this address and stick it in the post box. It is not hard. The fact your brother is an arse is bad enough, but the constant defence of his by your DM is awful. Sorry.

lockdownalli · 26/11/2021 15:07

YABU - you should have done the mail redirect.

PinkWednesdays · 26/11/2021 15:08

I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to bin someone else’s post though if I can get my brother in trouble somehow then bonus

You have lost any sympathy votes with this and in fact, judging by your pettiness, I suspect there is a lot more to the story.

EIIa · 26/11/2021 15:10

Well I bin post now after two years of faffing about.

You should have updated your details by now!

fabricfanatic · 26/11/2021 15:14

It's amazing to me that anyone is defending your brother in this situation. Of course he should have given your mail to your mother! You're not some random stranger, and it wouldn't have taken much effort for him to do the right thing.

He's annoyed to be receiving your mail? Understandable, but tossing it in the bin won't fix the situation. Sending a message through your mum, on the other hand, would! It seems clear enough that he did this to be deliberately spiteful.

I don't think there's anything you can do about it, though. Don't let it eat away at you, if you can help it. You already hate him and have cut him out of your life; this is simply another confirmation that you're better off without him.

PheasantsNest · 26/11/2021 15:17

100% your fault. No sympathy at all. It's infuriating getting other people's post. You just couldn't be arsed to sort it out.

Original poster
Yesiknowhowpettythisis · 26/11/2021 15:17

You have lost any sympathy votes with this and in fact, judging by your pettiness, I suspect there is a lot more to the story

How have you gotten this far into the thread and are surprised by my pettiness?! I’m not hiding it; it’s everywhere! There isn’t more to the story I’ve just finally had enough of being bullied my whole fucking life and I’ve snapped.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yesiknowhowpettythisis · 26/11/2021 15:18

The thing is also if he had forwarded the post we would have realised our error re not changing the car address a lot sooner and he wouldn’t hVe had the inconvenience for so long 😬

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 26/11/2021 15:21

Both you and your brother sound like a couple of spoilt children. You both need to grow up.

He bins your post but you want to report him and don't care if you get a fine as long as he gets in trouble as well.

Where will it end?

Original poster
Yesiknowhowpettythisis · 26/11/2021 15:25

@Mamamia7962

I don’t mind if I get a fine because we are in the wrong and we want to tell the truth about why we didn’t pay the ticket. That’s why. It’s separate from the issue with my brother.

OP posts:
Penistoe · 26/11/2021 15:29

Two years is plenty of time to figure out what needs to be changed, I am struggling to believe you forgot to update your car.

diddl · 26/11/2021 15:36

@Yesiknowhowpettythisis

The thing is also if he had forwarded the post we would have realised our error re not changing the car address a lot sooner and he wouldn’t hVe had the inconvenience for so long 😬
Are there no online sites with info like this?

Well if your old neighbour hadn't spotted the post by now-who knows where this would have ended up?