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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious and upset with friends- what do we do

496 replies

0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 12:10

I’ll try and keep this brief.

We (me, DH and DC age 4 and 2.5) were meeting friends (couple with DC age 8 months) at a Christmas light walk through thing around 1 hour 15 from where we live last Sunday eve at 4:30pm.
They booked tickets I transferred money (£62)
We get there at 4:25, message saying we are here will wait in car so we can all go in together as you have tickets
Response 4:35 ‘so sorry running late! We left about 45 mins ago won’t be long’
Rang x 2 eventually answer, asked if they will send us the e tickets so we can get in. ‘No no we are 10 mins away’
DC getting bored, wound up, want to go in. Text them asking to send tickets.
They Arrive 5:15. None of us allowed in as we have missed our slot.
We are raging, kids are crying we all take the bloody long journey home having to get a Maccies to cheer kids up.
We message asking for the money back, they say it’s ‘just one of those things, ridiculous they wouldn’t let us in’

They’re good friends but I am raging. It’s entirely their fault, they are v PFB and he woke up late from his nap then wanted a super long feed which is why they were late. How do I ask again, and firmly? They are unreasonable right??

OP posts:
RockinHorseShit · 26/11/2021 21:29

YADNBU & I wouldn't worry about upsetting them by asking again

Ie. "We disagree that it was "just one of those things when you could have sent us the E tickets as soon as you knew you were running so late, so that's a very disappointing response. DCs were very upset & so were we, the decent thing to do would be to refund our ticket money so we can rebook, can you do that now please"

Let's face it, if you don't, you will always resent them & feel like a mug, so the friendship has changed forever anyway, so you might as well stand up for yourself

Piglet89 · 26/11/2021 21:31

Are they close friends? I have basically binned off a mum friend who was constantly late by over half an hour or more for meeting up with me and my son. I hate it because she lets her twins run the show, they simply cannot leave anywhere near on time and ultimately it’s disrespecting me and my time.

Life is too short.

BSideBaby · 26/11/2021 21:34

Always make sure you're sent the tickets in advance if you're meeting up with someone. The kind of mistake that's only made once!

Glad you got your money back OP but I'd definitely be re-evaluating my friendship with people this selfish.

Yogaandcocoa · 26/11/2021 21:39

It's not ahout how their baby feeds

OP asked for the tickets and they should have sent them

It's still annoying that they're flakey but at OP could have gone in

I'm glad you got your money back OP

Lunaballoon · 26/11/2021 21:47

I’m raging on your behalf OP. I’d quite happily drop friends such as these.

Constance1 · 26/11/2021 21:47

My 4 year old would have been devastated if he'd been looking forward to christmas lights and we got there and couldn't go in. I think I would actually end the friendship over this. You can mess something up for me by being a selfish dick and I'll give you one more chance, but do it to my kids, then game over!

Beebababadabo · 26/11/2021 21:49

I'm pleased you got the money back but I really think it was selfish of them to not send the ticked over to you. Knowing your kids especially where waiting to get in and where all excited to see it. Really thoughtless of them. I've been there with bf baby feeding on demand no excuse, the should of offered to send the tickets over at that point,, but to not send when you ask is really thoughtless. I would ditch them but obviously that's just me Angry

MimiDaisy11 · 26/11/2021 21:53

I don’t think I could be friends with someone like that. Any decent person would be mortified at treating you that way.

BoredZelda · 26/11/2021 21:54

They should absolutely have taken the time to let their baby wake and be fed. It isn’t PFB to stick to a routine.

But they absolutely should have emailed you the tickets. Glad they paid you back. Enjoy the show.

ThousandsOfTulips · 26/11/2021 21:58

I don't get this. Whenever I've done something like this jointly with friends whichever one of us did the booking has forwarded the tickets to the other at that point, in case of contingencies like this, illness or whatever. Why did they not send you a copy of the tickets already well before the date? Hmm

As for what to do now, even them refunding you the cost doesn't cover it. DC all excited, 2.5 hours of driving there and back, all the upset and stress this has caused. If I'd done this to a friend I would be absolutely mortified, refunding them their money without being asked and taking them all out for a lovely meal as an apology.

There's absolutely no excuse for it and the fact they haven't immediately offered you the money back plus some other gesture of apology speaks volumes. To then respond with "it's one of those things" when you had to bring it up instead of them apologising and trying to make it up to you is beyond the pale. Shock

I wouldn't even bother pursuing the money. I'd simply cut contact and never speak to them again. These people are not friends and would probably sell their grandmother if they'd behave like this to people they call friends with no discernable remorse for it, even the horrible impact on your DC.

ThousandsOfTulips · 26/11/2021 22:01

@Battytwatty

READ THE THREAD THEY GOT THE MONEY BACK FFS!!
So? That isn't the point. It wasn't immediately offered, and even noow refunded it does nothing to remediate the DC looking forward to this then being disappointed, 2.5 hours of driving for nothing!
Kinko · 26/11/2021 22:03

I just can't get over the fact they weren't deeply apologetic, didn't take you all out for a meal on the day AND refund you the money!

Switch82 · 26/11/2021 22:28

Selfish twats glad you got your money back. Personally I would have gone to the desk and said friends on way with tickets and unable to send to us - can yoh let us in - most places would

Cornishclio · 26/11/2021 22:36

Glad you got your money back but they do not sound like good friends at all. They had no regard for the fact you drove for 2.5 hours with 2 young children for nothing and had to put up with their disappointment. Even if you have managed to rebook that is down to you and not them. They should have emailed the tickets when first asked. As you say no doubt they wanted you all to go round together but just did not think that timed entry means just that. Most places will turn you away if you do not turn up when you are supposed to. They should have apologised profusely at the very least. If they are upset I would not worry about it. It is not you who was selfish and entitled.

Gazelda · 26/11/2021 22:38

@gamerchick

Tell them they underestimate how much the kids were looking forward to this and you would like the money back to rebook. The second they refused to send the tickets was the second they took the responsibility.

I'd stake the friendship me.

I agree with the sentiment of this suggestion.

They should be made aware of how their lateness and refusal to send the tickets has upset your DC. It's not just that you didn't get to experience the activity, it's also that you were sat in the car park trying to keep your DC patient while they looked out at other people going in to enjoy the lights.

You booked and paid for it because it would be a magical experience. Your two DC ended up having the opposite.

Gazelda · 26/11/2021 22:43

Gah! Sorry, I wrote that post above hours ago and then went out to see House of Gucci. Came back and must have pressed send as I opened up the app. I have RTFT, honest!

twopennerth · 26/11/2021 22:50

YANBU.

On the ticket thing I alone.

I also absolutely ABHOR the "my child is more important than yours nonsense".

They should have woken their child from his nap and got on with things in order to meet you on time, you have a four year old and a toddler and their needs are just as important as their baby's.

twopennerth · 26/11/2021 22:53

@BoredZelda

They should absolutely have taken the time to let their baby wake and be fed. It isn’t PFB to stick to a routine.

But they absolutely should have emailed you the tickets. Glad they paid you back. Enjoy the show.

And it's not precious to want to stick to a promised outing with your 4 and 2 year old either. There was more than one child in this mix with needs to cater for.
LynetteScavo · 26/11/2021 22:54

Even if they did have the lovely idea of walking around with you , and you could have gone in at any time,your small DC were fed up of waiting. Your friends selfishness is totally astounding. This is why I have so few friends, I just couldn't be friends with people like this.

WimpoleHat · 26/11/2021 22:54

Sometimes people show you who they really are under a nice veneer, and I think you got a glimpse of the real people there.

This is spot on, likely as not….

ThousandsOfTulips · 26/11/2021 22:57

@LynetteScavo

Even if they did have the lovely idea of walking around with you , and you could have gone in at any time,your small DC were fed up of waiting. Your friends selfishness is totally astounding. This is why I have so few friends, I just couldn't be friends with people like this.
Yep. Pathetic and completely narcissistic.

I could not stay friends with somebody who'd done that to me without seeing heartfelt remorse. Having to ask for the money back - which should have been just the basic first step of the apology - would mean I'd never have that person in my life again. It's appalling and if they can't uunderstand why then they would not be people I'd want in my life.

cakecakecheese · 26/11/2021 23:06

The audacity the gall and the gumption to try and pass this of as 'one of those things' when it was their fault. I just can't fathom how people can act like that, most people would be mortified, well most people would have just forwarded the tickets when asked.

At least you got the money back but you absolutely shouldn't have had to ask for it once let alone twice.

Mary46 · 26/11/2021 23:09

Same piglet lateness drives me crazy! Op they were so rude upset your day too. I suit myself going forward

chaosrabbitland · 26/11/2021 23:34

id rather lose the friendship and get the money back , they were selfish and thoughtless and i wouldnt be seeing them as a great loss , id be firmly telling them i wanted my money back so i could rebook for my family

ThousandsOfTulips · 26/11/2021 23:49

@chaosrabbitland

id rather lose the friendship and get the money back , they were selfish and thoughtless and i wouldnt be seeing them as a great loss , id be firmly telling them i wanted my money back so i could rebook for my family
She has the money back. That's not the loint though, is it? It's the attitude and lack of respect: why weren't the tickets forwarded in advance like everyone else does? Why did she have to ask for the money back (twice!!!!)? Where is the remorse, the acknowledgement if how they ruined this for their friends' DC? Where is the gesture on top of paying back the tickets, to do something special for the family that makes up for their DCs' disappointment, the pointless 2.5 hour car journey there and back, the wasted evening and stress??

The gesture of apology required to rectify this is pretty significant and does not appear to be forthcoming.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe tomorrow the family will receive tickets for a free week in a luxury cottage in Devon for Feb half term. Or a weekend away in Barcelona. But I fucking doubt it.

Restitution is setting the parties back in the situation they were in before the problem. Even that has not happened, and that is the minimal base of justice. As a friend (apparently) more than this minimal base for human to human treatment could and should be expected. And "sorry" is meaningless without any kind of gesture to show that you mean it. In this case - by just refunding the tickets - they are nowhere close to a proper apology.