I’m a lady don’t you know ...

[PinkLadyFriday]

I have a name that is gender neutral but prob more men have it than women, I’m female and always have been!

Today a colleague was asked by a supplier what I identify as after receiving an email from me. I’m not sure why he didn’t ask me direct embarrassed I guess.

AIBU to feel a bit put out that the growing acceptance of trans means those of us who are feminine are assumed to be trans just because we have a gender neutral name!

Trans issues aside, why should it make any difference to him at all?

Depends what your name is. Is it Chris or Sam? Or are you called Peta or Toni?

I don't think he assumed you were trans? If I were you I'd be glad he checked rather than assume default maleness.

Why would he need to know how you identify? Presumably you're on first name terms, in which case it doesn't matter?

I don’t know perhaps he was looking for some excitement in his life 😂
What difference does it make what my name is?

His question was “what do they identify as”.

Yanbu I also have such a name - the shortening of which is unisex
So far I haven’t been asked but I shall scoff if I am. “Identify as” what a load of cobblers

@PinkLadyFriday

His question was “what do they identify as”.

He sounds like he might have his pronouns in his signature

@PinkLadyFriday

I don’t know perhaps he was looking for some excitement in his life 😂 What difference does it make what my name is?

Because some names may sound much more like a man's.

I do agree it's daft though, if you're obviously a woman.

Everything has gone to shit. The Brits going gender neutral for the singers was the final fucking straw for me!

Could it be that the supplier is asking everyone they deal with, not just you ?

@Siameasy

Yanbu I also have such a name - the shortening of which is unisex So far I haven’t been asked but I shall scoff if I am. “Identify as” what a load of cobblers

I agree! I laughed when I first heard but then got to thinking why would he assume?

@GoodnightGrandma

Could it be that the supplier is asking everyone they deal with, not just you ?

He didn’t ask my colleague?

Sexist, but woke.

In the old days you could say are you male or female or ask for title

What did your boss reply, more to the point?

Not boss - colleague. He said I was a woman, just a normal woman and laughed - he was a bit knocked out I think.

I think that he was just worried about not putting a foot wrong.

@PinkLadyFriday

Not boss - colleague. He said I was a woman, just a normal woman and laughed - he was a bit knocked out I think.

Good answer from your colleague - particularly like the use of "normal" and the laugh , the more people scoff at this crap the better.

@PinkLadyFriday

Not boss - colleague. He said I was a woman, just a normal woman and laughed - he was a bit knocked out I think.

Great answer.

Oh sorry colleague. It matters more what your colleagues and boss say/ do/ assume - a supplier is probably tying themselves in stupid knots trying not to offend (and thereby causing offence) thinking they'll score points and therefore business.

But yes its eye roll inducing and would be very difficult not to respond flippantly with "a penguin", "an immensely wealthy and very beautiful alien" or something equally facetious.

I have a"unisex" name too - originally a male name, given to women more probably by the time I was born, but probably almost exclusively male the generation before. I hated it so deeply as a teen, though as a child I liked it being unusual locally. I've been ambivalent since - its my name and probably has shaped who I am, but I'm sometimes mildly embarrassed by it and never mind at all when people get it wrong or mispronounce it.

I live in a country with a gendered language and sometimes get emails with the greeting oddly writing with a / "dearwith masculine/feminine ending First Name" which is weird. Nobody's ever asked what I identify as though!

Why does he need to know though? Is he going to treat you differently now he knows that you're a woman?

@PinkLadyFriday

Not boss - colleague. He said I was a woman, just a normal woman and laughed - he was a bit knocked out I think.

Well done your colleague. Loved to have seen his face at "normal" woman.

Did he think you were a man then?

Fadette that's actually a very good point indeed!

If the emails/ contact is on first name basis in English there is absolutely no need whatsoever to know the biological sex nor the gender identity of the person who is your contact for supplying whatever commodity to a company!

At the most there might be grounds for asking how to address someone (Ms/ Mrs/ Mr) if you hadn't yet been in contact.

So you have a unisex name and someone asked a colleague if you were male or female, agree not any of their business but other than wanting to do some trans bashing not really sure why you think it has anything to do with “the acceptance of trans men” 🙄🙄

My DH has a more commonly female name and regularly has comments when he talks to people on the phone for the first time that people were expecting to speak to a woman. People just like to have a bit of an idea of who they are talking to.