I’m a lady don’t you know ...

[PinkLadyFriday]

I have a name that is gender neutral but prob more men have it than women, I’m female and always have been!

Today a colleague was asked by a supplier what I identify as after receiving an email from me. I’m not sure why he didn’t ask me direct embarrassed I guess.

AIBU to feel a bit put out that the growing acceptance of trans means those of us who are feminine are assumed to be trans just because we have a gender neutral name!

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

He didn't ask her sex did he? He effectively asked her where she stood on a highly contentious and debated ideology and whether she believed that women ever deserve any protections if it might upset others.

Plus your need to visualise someone is not more important than people's desires to not tell you whether they are a member of the group of people who are treated less seriously once their sex is known.

Sorry, I don't know what your first paragraphs about. He asked what the op identified as. Which is just asking what sex she is. He never asked or implied anything about 'protections'. These are your suppositions and nothing to do with the operation of his mind which you know nothing about.

I was replying to someone asking why anyone would need to know. I said I liked to know and stated why. No one has to tell me. But I'm not ashamed to tell other people. You might feel that you're treated as a lesser person but I don't and I'm not.

If someone has a baby, do you never ask if it's a boy or a girl? Or is that somehow doing baby girls down?

Maybe he's sending out Christmas presents to customers and giving men whiskey and women wine?
I communicate with people on email daily whose names I can't link to man/woman as they are in languages I don't speak and am unfamiliar with.
So I am just friendly and try to be as clear as possible with what I'm asking/telling.
I've never bothered going out of my way to find out what they are as it doesn't affect the job.

AIBU to feel a bit put out that the growing acceptance of trans means those of us who are feminine are assumed to be trans just because we have a gender neutral name!

You believe that every woman called Chris or Jo is assumed to be trans? Yes, that's an unreasonable belief. Furthermore, if you have that belief, why would you assume men called Chris or Jo aren't assumed to be trans as well.

From your OP i got the impression he was wondering if you are male or female but added the 'identify as' in case it was taken the wrong way in this ever so woke new world?

Maybe he's sending out Christmas presents to customers and giving men whiskey and women wine?

There's an assumption in itself.

He asked what the op identified as. Which is just asking what sex she is.

Nope. Sex is fixed. To say people can only identify as the sex they were born is transphobic. As everyone else has pointed out, he was trying to find out whether op considers herself to be a man or a woman.

If you think that's the same as sex then you haven't been paying attention!

@MonsignorMirth. He was just trying to be polite and find out where he was writing to a man ir a woman. And because everyone is so touchy, he tried to use the term companies tell their employees to use. (Ie when they say write down your pronouns.) Geez the guy can't win. She's a customer, he's a supplier. He might want to have a rapport so she'll buy more.
Why are people so eager to berate someone who hasn't done anything to deliberately offend someone?

I'm not berating anyone. I don't think the man worded it incorrectly if he was trying to find out what gender op is.
My post was pointing out that you are incorrect to say that what someone identifies is is the same as their sex. It isn't.

If they were discussing you or your work it's normal that he woukdn have wondered what pronouns you use. "I emailed Sam today he/she said..."

He worded it oddly but that's the world we live in. He was trying to use the "right" language.

I think I would have to say 'an actual woman'. Hope the word 'cis' was not used.

@MonsignorMirth

I'm not berating anyone. I don't think the man worded it incorrectly if he was trying to find out what gender op is. My post was pointing out that you are incorrect to say that what someone identifies is is the same as their sex. It isn't.

@MonsignorMirth My post was pointing out that you are incorrect to say that what someone identifies is is the same as their sex. It isn't.

Not to you because you're interested. But it doesn't matter if you or I understand it, most people have been brought up with sex and gender being interchangeable so don't always state it correctly. Especially as most things you read bang on about using the word gender.

Not to you because you're interested. But it doesn't matter if you or I understand it, most people have been brought up with sex and gender being interchangeable so don't always state it correctly. Especially as most things you read bang on about using the word gender.

Absolutely, I agree, and the confusion is causing lots of people to assume all sorts of things, like you can change sex etc. It would be incredibly useful if the definition of gender could be circulated, as well as the new definition of "man" and "woman" that we're all supposed to be using now that isn't linked to sex.
I've been asking for several years for these new definitions and so far, no-one has been able to provide one, beyond things like "woman is a feeling".

Thanks for the responses, except the one calling me a dick!
I couldn’t give a flying fig what gender or sex someone is provided they do the job asked of them.
I don’t care if someone is trans, gay, black, disabled or over the age of 60! It doesn’t matter. So I’m irritated at being asked by a man to a male colleague what I identify as.
To those who responded rudely to me then that’s up to you but I genuinely don’t see why he should have asked.
Thanks all.

Dd is similar.
She was born female and identifies with it happily. But she works in a predominantly male field often dealing with the foreign market.
The first incident was in her previous job. All correspondence was via email and then when they met and they assumed she was the secretary ( dd was not amused) she informed that she was such and was dealing with them.

We assumed her name was feminine back then, but apparently it a footballer's name and common for males but not in UK.

She just finds it amusing now. I doubt if she has thought she is trans.

She still works in a male dominated field and has moved further up the ladder.

She refuses to sign a prefix in front of her name.
Funny old world .

My name is gender neutral. People often think I'm a man before meeting me. I've yet to have anyone ever think I'm trans. My DC (20s, progressive work environments) also have gender neutral names. Just checked if anyone ever thought they were trans, and...never. And if I'm reading correctly, its only happened to you once. So maybe a bit early to think its a thing?

Yabu. He was just trying to not be presumptuous. Given you might be trans or identify as anything else, I think it's a good thing to do. Even if your name is Kevin, you were born male and are a 6'3 rugby player but prefers to be called Karen on Tuesdays at work.

Sorry I can't work out what this thread is about. Are you upset because of the terminology he used? You'd rather he'd asked what sex you are?

He was presuming you identify as either male, female, non-binary or some other category which gender ideologists believe in. That is being as presumptuous as thinking you must be either male or female, isn't it?

@PilesEdgeworth

Exactly - is she mad about this? Is it an ideological thing? Who the f knows? Had he seen her and asked for that reason? She never says.