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AIBU?

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Original poster

My 7 year old came home in tears today

126 replies

DigOlBick · 25/11/2021 16:25

Because her boyfriend cheated on her.

Is this what 7 year olds have to deal with now??

Pretty sure I was still eating mud and being shoved down a hill in shopping trolley by my brothers at 7!

I’m trying to be supportive but jeez this seems all so grown up for that age! Is this what your 7 year olds are all like?

OP posts:
5329871e · 25/11/2021 19:27

@StaringAtLightbulbs

This is absolutely bonkers, I'm going to hazard a guess it's a regional/ class/ cultural thing. Yes I did say class, unashamedly. Little children wearing makeup, pretending to have boyfriends and knowing what 'cheating' is all sounds pretty trashy. How do they know what cheating means? They must be watching or hearing things aimed at teenagers.
It’s not just class, but I do agree it’s cultural. And I massively judge any parents who instills that in their young kids.

When puberty hits and hormones take over, I understand. (13 is still too young to date though, IMO). But pre-pubertal kids don’t have a natural desire to be romantic, so it’s all coming from their parents and wider society. They need to switch off that trashy TV and watch what they say in front of their kids.

Moonwatcher1234 · 25/11/2021 19:30

@DigOlBick

He has cheated on her by getting another girls friend behind her back apparently. I’ve told her at her age it isn’t real and to not worry about boyfriends. Makes me quite sad. They’re all paired up in her class apparently.
Sounds utterly bizarre. Not happening with my 7 and 9 year olds class.
5329871e · 25/11/2021 19:30

@DigOlBick

Because her boyfriend cheated on her.

Is this what 7 year olds have to deal with now??

Pretty sure I was still eating mud and being shoved down a hill in shopping trolley by my brothers at 7!

I’m trying to be supportive but jeez this seems all so grown up for that age! Is this what your 7 year olds are all like?

I’m trying to be supportive but jeez this seems all so grown up for that age! Is this what your 7 year olds are all like?

No need to be supportive. Be judgemental. That behaviour is not ok.

And no, my 7 year old likes reading, crafts, baking, watching TV about dinosaurs and playing with her little sister. She thinks that bras and makeup are only worn by mummies.

StaringAtLightbulbs · 25/11/2021 19:31

No. I don't think 'working class' is synonymous with trashy. I know huge numbers of people who would call themselves working class and not let their children date or wear make up. However I don't know any middle class people who would let their little children act like this. It is not synonymous, but it is correlated.

I am also aware that there are variations the way different people use the terms middle class and working class.

The fact that large numbers of people here are shocked and have never encountered children like this, whereas other posters, including the OP, think its normal, suggests it is an issue of demographics.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/11/2021 19:44

"At age 7 surely she has boys that are friends, and therefore they can't 'cheat'?"

When I was last in contact with kids that age they weren't even friends with their boyfriends/girlfriends and didn't spend time together. It was just something they said eg x is my boyfriend.

HikingforScenery · 25/11/2021 19:51

I’ve one in ks2 and she’s been telling me stories about her classmates similar to this since year 2. She observes them and analyses their behaviour to me. I couldn’t deal with her having those kind of things now.

iklboo · 25/11/2021 19:55

I know a lot of working class people. They'd no more let their 7-9 year old girls wear bras & make up than anyone middle class.

Keepitonthedownlow · 25/11/2021 20:10

I think it varies from school to school and child to child.

ldontWanna · 25/11/2021 20:15

DD had a "boyfriend " in y2. How it happened? The boy(who has some issues and difficulties )was sat crying because no one liked him. DD sat next to him trying to cheer him up and when he said that she said that's not true because she did like him. And that was that, they were bf and gf. The "relationship " consisted of them playing together, and him getting added to her group. It ended at the end of y2. They're all still friends now in y5.

So trashy! Hmm

GreenSeaGlass · 25/11/2021 20:30

It’s not unusual or even a modern thing- I remember having a ‘boyfriend’ back in primary school when this song came out!
m.youtube.com/watch?v=TWte2_oDsX0

GreenSeaGlass · 25/11/2021 20:31

In 1986!

StaringAtLightbulbs · 25/11/2021 20:50

It's not 'totally incident misuse of boyfriend and girlfriend' that I meant was trashy, rather the knowledge of 'cheating' and the wearing of makeup.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/11/2021 20:52

My Ds 7 purports to have a girlfriend. This apparently consists of her passing him notes in class, and nothing else.

I have of course told him 7 is a bit young!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/11/2021 20:54

I do remember when I was in primary school everyone claimed to have a boy or girlfriend from time to time, but it was just saying “they’re my boy/ girlfriend” and that was it.

SammyScrounge · 26/11/2021 00:11

My DD , aged 6, wandered round the playground hand in hand with her bfn. At Hallowe'en they both dressed up as trees. His Dad was in the Army and was posted to Germany. The day he left school my DD and her BF stood holding hands at the school gates with the tears running down their faces. It was made awful by the fact they were silent tears. BF just means pal and my girl was heart broken.

Mum0509 · 26/11/2021 00:14

Not normal at all where we are. Relationships from around age 15 here.

MuguetRose · 26/11/2021 00:27

There's always been a minority of kids into having boyfriends and girlfriends. It was the same in the 70s, but it was a minority. Same as now. If all kids in the school who are 7+ have boyfriends and girlfriends it's a very unusual school

Bosky · 26/11/2021 02:47

I can still remember the "boyfriend" I had at school when I was five. We used to sit in the Play House going through a Littlewoods catalogue, choosing the furniture we would have in our house when we got married Smile

It was a small, village school and the Head allowed my brother to start (unofficially) not long after when he was four because he missed me and it would give my mum a break (we lived on a remote farm). After that, I abandoned my "boyfriend" and played with my brother.

No idea if my "boyfriend" was bothered, he was basically invisible to me from then on, heartless, fickle creature that I was! Grin

I don't know if any of the other children had "boyfriends" or "girlfriends" but I am pretty sure that in my case the "boyfriend" was a "brother substitute".

I had hardly ever met any other girls before I went to school and they were all much noisier, boisterous and more confident than the boys and I found them rather scary.

Although I did make one "best friend" who was similarly shy and quiet and I seem to remember that I also had a bit of a crush on her twin brother. This was all before I was seven and children's pre-sexual emotions and attachments at that age don't have the same meaning that "boyfriend/girlfriend" and "crush" have later on.

MizzFizz · 26/11/2021 04:30

I had a "boyfriend" when I was 5 as I was obsessed with being like a teenager 😂 when he "broke up" with me, I was devastated.

Marvellousmadness · 26/11/2021 04:32

Wtf is going on in that class ? Make up. Brahs and boyfriends??Confused

elenacampana · 26/11/2021 04:40

@LazyMareofEastown

Nope, wasn't a thing for my 13 year old at any stage in primary school. She's now Yr 8 and still no boyfriend chat. She's always been very sensible and independent though and would've given short shrift to anyone pushing that kind of behaviour

DS is 7 and just heads off to play football when any silly girlfriend/boyfriend chat starts.

It's a real bugbear of mine when parents encourage children to mimic adult relationships and consequently adult dramas. Sends such negative and potentially harmful messages to our kids and shows really poor judgement.

Get over yourself.
TarasCrazyTiara · 26/11/2021 04:40

@LazyMareofEastown

Your year 8 girl doesn’t want a boyfriend and would be giving “short shrift to anyone pushing that sort of behaviour”? You sure she just isn’t telling you what she knows you expect to hear? Not to many 12 or 13 year old girls that have zero interest in boys (if straight).

TarasCrazyTiara · 26/11/2021 04:46

At 7 “cheated on” could mean almost anything or nothing. Who knows this little boy may have only been your daughters “boyfriend” because your daughter informed him of it and that was the extent of it. Then maybe he talked to another girl and “cheated on” her.

Girls are usually a little more into saying this kind of stuff at a younger age even though they haven’t a clue what they’re talking about lol, maybe they hear it talked about more from older girls and women? Boys usually haven’t a clue and just go along with it or are embarrassed by the attention.

I really wouldn’t worry.

ldontWanna · 26/11/2021 07:24

@Marvellousmadness

Wtf is going on in that class ? Make up. Brahs and boyfriends??Confused
A lot of my littlies wear sports bras type things because they're uncomfortable changing in front of everyone for PE. It's mostly the dance/gymnastics girls because I presume they already have the kit. A few others wear vests instead.
Yournamehere007 · 26/11/2021 08:43

My friend's ten year got "dumped" and declared herself a single pringle!
My 5 year old has already declared that he wants to marry his two best friends bu this is the same kid that wants to be a horse when he gets older.

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