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Original poster

My 7 year old came home in tears today

126 replies

DigOlBick · 25/11/2021 16:25

Because her boyfriend cheated on her.

Is this what 7 year olds have to deal with now??

Pretty sure I was still eating mud and being shoved down a hill in shopping trolley by my brothers at 7!

I’m trying to be supportive but jeez this seems all so grown up for that age! Is this what your 7 year olds are all like?

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 25/11/2021 17:01

I remember liking a boy at school when I was about 9! The main thing I liked about him was his dog!. I think that children mimic things they hear about .maybe a quick word with the teacher may help.being in tears over a bf is not appropriate at 7!

Hellocatshome · 25/11/2021 17:03

I may get bashed for this but I think it is a lot to do with certain parents. My 9yo DD class this is not and has never been a thing. My 7yo DDs class this has been a thing since reception with kids having boyfriends and girlfriends, cheating etc… the kids who started it have parents who actively encouraged & thought it was cute they were boyfriends and girlfriends. It rapidly spread through the class with other kids following suit.

I agree, some parents constantly comment on their kids being boyfriend and girlfriend or asking kids who their boyfriend/girlfriend is. Then if the kids do identifyba kid as their boyfriend or girlfriend they have them over for a 'date' not a playdate and encourage them to give each other gifts/hold hands etc. They think it is cute and I'm sure it's partially for the photos they can then put on Instagram.

PerfectlyUnsuitable · 25/11/2021 17:04

@PeterPomegranate seeing that some girls will have st their periods at 8~9yo, I can see why they would wear a ‘bras’ (which is more likely to be a bralette/crop top).

Make up though…..

HooverIsAlwaysBroken · 25/11/2021 17:07

Wow, never had that with my children. They are all in single sex schools though.

Oldest DD (13) still thinks that boys are short and stupid. Apparently they did some sport activities competing with a boys school and they won everything (I have told her that puberty will change that).

Youngest DD (6) at the time) really liked one of her brother’s friends for a while. He always was really kind to her and once gave her a ribbon for her hair. Very innocent and no talks about boyfriend.

DS (12) still treats girls like his sisters (teasing, insults, etc). They mostly think he is stupid. If they don’t, his sisters will tell them that he is stupid. He is genuinely kind to his cousins though. We talk a lot about being kind to girls at home.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 25/11/2021 17:08

Oh no DD is 6. I hope this isn't to come next year! Every boy is a boyfriend as in friend who is a boy at this moment.

I remember my first boyfriend, Andrew. The school bad boy. He was 9, I was 8. We bonded over trading football stickers. Ahh the good times. I heard he's in prison now. Confused

0palescent · 25/11/2021 17:09

I'm glad my DD's school clamps down on this stuff quite well! They're firm on "children do not have boyfriends and girlfriends". DD got a bit starry eyed at one little boy when they were 5, but was quickly discouraged Grin

Xiaoxiong · 25/11/2021 17:15

@Hellocatshome

I may get bashed for this but I think it is a lot to do with certain parents. My 9yo DD class this is not and has never been a thing. My 7yo DDs class this has been a thing since reception with kids having boyfriends and girlfriends, cheating etc… the kids who started it have parents who actively encouraged & thought it was cute they were boyfriends and girlfriends. It rapidly spread through the class with other kids following suit.

I agree, some parents constantly comment on their kids being boyfriend and girlfriend or asking kids who their boyfriend/girlfriend is. Then if the kids do identifyba kid as their boyfriend or girlfriend they have them over for a 'date' not a playdate and encourage them to give each other gifts/hold hands etc. They think it is cute and I'm sure it's partially for the photos they can then put on Instagram.

Agree with this. I was taken aback at DS1's old school to hear a parent say in a loud sing-song voice to their 6 year old son "ooohhhh, is she your GIRL-friend...." and the kid just looking confused. It's completely pathetic (and doesn't really help if it turns out later on a kid is gay or lesbian).
LittleMysSister · 25/11/2021 17:16

Yep, 7yo SD with a boyfriend over here! Not her first either....

gogohm · 25/11/2021 17:18

My Dd2 was a bit of a tomboy, played football with the boys etc and they all wanted her to be their girlfriend ... at 8 she would tell them not until after university! (She forgot about this once teenage hormones kicked in and was about 15.5 when she started dating)

flippertyop · 25/11/2021 17:18

I had a boyfriend at 6 - but then I've always been popular with the opposite sex 😂😂

Platax · 25/11/2021 17:19

I do remember DD's primary school would-be boyfriend saying he'd hit her if she became anyone else's girlfriend. I'm happy to say she told him he he had just put himself right out of the running.

Fluffycloudland77 · 25/11/2021 17:20

Schools sound like a long training course for love island now.

I would not be happy if it was me either.

DelurkingAJ · 25/11/2021 17:24

None of that from DS1 (Y4) and his mates.

DS2 however seems to have spent all of YR playing ‘Mummies, Daddies, Dogs and Hairdressers’ and came home early this year (Y1) asking how many people he could marry. He was put out at the response ‘one at a time’ and enquired how he was going to have ‘a wife as well as Mummy’ then. Having unpacked that one slightly and explained that he might no longer wish to live with Mummy when he was a grown up…apparently two of the girls in his class have decided they’re going to marry him. Hence his question.

But interestingly no discussion or question of being his girlfriend…they’re jumping straight to marrying him when they’re a grown up.

I confess (after trying no to laugh in his face) I was very matter of fact about it as it was clearly so innocent. If I thought he was playing with their feelings I would stamp on it very hard.

incognitodorrito · 25/11/2021 17:24

I remember throwing a carton of milk over my boyfriends head because of cheating, I was in nursery (I’m 45 now)

3scape · 25/11/2021 17:26

I kind of had a "boyfriend" at 7. I told him he would stop being so if he ever beat me in a bike race though. No girls would play with me at that age after one girls mum got really cross with me and shook me and called me a liar at the school gate (she thought I'd lied about packed lunch). All of the mum's told their daughters to stay away from me after that. So I used to play with an older group of boys. But we were all bike rides, daring each other to go through drainage tunnels and eating snacks in trees. Nothing really mature

3scape · 25/11/2021 17:29

My parents were very young who thought it was brilliantly hilarious if I called boys my boyfriend's and were weirdly keen on me kissing them etc. So I do judge parents hard who encourage children to think in this way.

PeterPomegranate · 25/11/2021 17:35

[quote PerfectlyUnsuitable]@PeterPomegranate seeing that some girls will have st their periods at 8~9yo, I can see why they would wear a ‘bras’ (which is more likely to be a bralette/crop top).

Make up though…..[/quote]
Ok. I’ll allow bralettes if needed. But I’ve seen little girl bra type tops for sale which are as flat as the vests my son wears so very much not needed. And make up no way …

oneglassandpuzzled · 25/11/2021 17:36

At seven, my daughter was in a menage a trois with two boys in her class. She liked them both and said they would all get married when they left school. Didn't see why she had to choose between them as the boys were best friends anyway.

By ten she had decided that boys were a bit smelly and silly but made life fun, so wanted to keep them as a bit of a sideline for when she was bored.

HaroldSteptoesHorse · 25/11/2021 17:36

My erm boyfriend in primary cheated at hopscotch and that was that end of that friendship

LondonWolf · 25/11/2021 17:37

@TeenMinusTests

tbh I'd be suggesting to the teacher that 'pairing up' at that age wasn't appropriate and should be discouraged/diverted.
This.
rrhuth · 25/11/2021 17:39

Where is this coming from?

That's a shame really, at that age mine were just playing with whoever they liked of either sex and no thought of boyfriend/girlfriend stuff until secondary.

Lovemusic33 · 25/11/2021 17:41

Not had this issue with my dc 🤔, Dd1 is now in year 13 and has only had one BF (whilst in year 10). She had boys that were friends all through primary school because kids that young don’t really understand about gf/bf relationships? Pretty sure it’s not the norm for a 7 year old to come home crying because her boyfriend cheated.

MerryMarigold · 25/11/2021 17:42

It's basically role modeling, depending on what's going on in homes or what they're watching on TV. Remember 3 year olds like to pretend cook and phone people, well older kids role model relationships. My DS did this in Y7 but they never actually went out anywhere let alone kissing! The drama of breaking up though.

7 years old is a bit young though. Not sure what she or others are watching but I'd squash it.

Santaischeckinglists · 25/11/2021 17:45

When my dd was 12 she dumped her same age bf..
At 6pm his dm came to OUR DOOR!
And told dd off for making her ds not want to go to school because dd made him cry in front of his mates!!
Grin

LoveGoldberg · 25/11/2021 17:46

It’s hard because we know it’s not “real” boyfriend and girlfriend but their emotions are still real and the hurt is real to them. I think it needs to be handled sensitively rather than being told how they feel isn’t valid because of their age. Children play what they see and learn from others, to me it’s no different from mums and dads!