My 7 year old came home in tears today

[DigOlBick]

Because her boyfriend cheated on her.

Is this what 7 year olds have to deal with now??

Pretty sure I was still eating mud and being shoved down a hill in shopping trolley by my brothers at 7!

I’m trying to be supportive but jeez this seems all so grown up for that age! Is this what your 7 year olds are all like?

My school REALLY clamps down on this sort of things hard. If any of us adults hears the slightest whisper about "girlfriends/boyfriends" it's a 'straight to the headteacher and a phone call home' thing.
It wastes SO MUCH time (with fall outs and so forth), let alone the facts that it's just plain inappropriate, despite some parents thinking it's just harmless fun.

God no. DD is 7, in year 3 too. Her and her friends all think boys are gross.

When I was 5 I had a boyfriend. I got a row for holding his hand in the Sunday School class. I loved him (like I would any close friend at that age) and we were best friends at school. There was no kissing or anything, all sweetly innocent.

Then, on his 8th birthday, he also invited Rosemary from next door to his party (and her brother). I was very upset and we stopped being girlfriend and boyfriend. But we stayed in the same friendship group throughout our teens.

This was in the 1960's

I had a boyfriend at 7. It consisted of him letting me set his caps off (the ones in the red paper tape, basically small explosives) and he giving him the bubbly out of my 10p mix.

I do think kids are growing up a lot faster these days.

Not my experience at all, 3 DC. It's way more open, in terms of heir knowledge & self-awareness.

However, none of mine have ever spoken about boyfriends / girlfriends, and I wouldn't be happy at all if my 7yo talked about 'cheating'. I would definitely talk to the teacher.

There are girls in her class who wear bras and wear makeup

While girls get their periods earlier, 7 yos wearing bras? Find it really hard to believe, and as for makeup, that's insane.

I really don't think this scenario is as common as you think OP.

I work with 7 year olds daily and that is not usual.

@CallmeHendricks

My school REALLY clamps down on this sort of things hard. If any of us adults hears the slightest whisper about "girlfriends/boyfriends" it's a 'straight to the headteacher and a phone call home' thing. It wastes SO MUCH time (with fall outs and so forth), let alone the facts that it's just plain inappropriate, despite some parents thinking it's just harmless fun.

Agree so much with this.

I'm so happy all my kids have friends of the opposite sex, and that's it. My 14 yo is still happy to be part of a mixed group of friends & she & friends have no interest in relationships (or anything) with the boys in their school.

7 year olds wearing bras is also not a thing. Do you mean crop tops as vests? More likely fatty tissue than breasts ime.

I agree that any ‘boyfriend’ chat is nipped in the bud. Only today I had to speak to two in year 1 that had reportedly kissed( a peck) on the playground. No telling off but a chat about what is appropriate and what is not.

Year 4 daughter here. Not heard of anything like this so far. Am dreading the day ...

I remember when we were in primary a boy and girl had been boyfriend and girlfriend for years, then in year 6 he dumped her to go out with a girl in the year below. I distinctly remember us all comforting her when the boy and his new gf were holding hands in the playground and saying "well it will never last with the age difference" 🤣, and this was in the 1980s so it is not necessarily a sign of the world going to shit.

Aww that's awful. My 8 yo isn't bothered. She told me two girls are girlfriend and girlfriend. She doesn't like boys anyway. When she was about five she went through a boyfriend phase. Think one girl in her class has a boyfriend.

No the girls don’t have breasts obviously. But some are wearing little bras and it’s so pointless and now my daughter wants them and I’ve said no.

It just makes me sad, she’s trying to grow up too fast.

My eldest DD is in Year 5 and literally there is no talk of boyfriends or girlfriends!

DS is 8 and he likes to play with the girls in his class and with the boys but there is NO talk of boyfriends and girlfriends. Thats nonsense and you need to speak to your DD and instill a bit of reality. You do not have a boyfriend and be cheated on at 7

Bras and make up at 7?! mine is older and no talk of boyfriends or bras and make up is only for a wee bit of daft pink eyeshadow if going to a party!

It just makes me sad, she’s trying to grow up too fast.

You're the parent. She is 7. Talk to her & make it clear there are no boyfriends & girlfriends at 7, it's not possible to cheat on anyone, and she needs to focus on being 7. Shut it down.

Of course I’ve spoken to her, but peers at school have so much influence on them at this age!

@Listenkid sending a 🤗 to the 9 year old you!

I don't think it's unhealthy or that it means adults have been meddling or labelling their relationship.

My son made best friends with a girl at school age 5, let's call her Ellie. By 6, he had decided that he wants Ellie to be his wife when they're older, and she said so too. We didn't encourage it, they came up with th we ideas themselves. They're now 7 and still say that they love eachother. My son has mentioned that he likes another girl at school but he doesn't want her to be his wife because that would make Ellie sad! He didn't use the word "cheating" but I do think that they have a basic understanding of loyalty and monogamy at this age already, just from seeing what the majority of adult relationships and marriages look like.

So I don't think it would be a big deal for a 7 year old to be upset if they felt that their special "boyfriend" had been disloyal to them in some way. It's barely any different from feeling betrayed by an ordinary "best friend" when they ditch you for another friend.

@DigOlBick

Of course I’ve spoken to her, but peers at school have so much influence on them at this age!

They really don't

She is 7. Honestly her biggest influence is you (and her other immediate family).

It's still the case with teenagers! They'll be influenced by their peers but parents set the boundaries & values.

You need to keep engaging with her about this. And stop thinking it's normal. It's not.

Wearing a bra at 7 year old? Do they actually have anything to put in there? It’s very young.

Makeup isn’t for children… this all sounds scary to me. I’m pregnant and I wish and hope for my child to be able to remain a child for as long as possible.

The innocence of children is so often ruined these days by what seems like a world not allowing childhood anymore.

@Snowisfallinghere

It's obviously your call but I'd be having none of this.

Children aren't meant to model adult life choices. Sure, in playing they often will, but it stops with the game.

They shouldn't worry about letting someone else down.

My two boys have had 'crushes' on older girls usually at various stages but so innocuously. They'll mention they think they are pretty or something & we'll chat about it.

But any talk about marrying someone, I'd be gently saying sure, you really like them & they are your pal, but no, at 7 we don't talk about marrying someone & worrying we are hurting them. It doesn't need to be a big deal.

My Canadian friend’s 5 year old came home and declared his love for the prettiest girl in the class. They were going to get married and everything.

Three days later he went off her because she couldn’t spell “bag” when the teacher called on her.