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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my kids to open presents from family before Christmas?

102 replies

ALdc · 15/12/2007 20:53

In Laws will be away on holiday over Christmas so are coming to see DC this weekend before they go. They want DC to open their presents this weekend so that they "can see their faces". I don t agree with presents being opened before Christmas and have said no. Now getting the cold shoulder from in laws. DH while not being really bothered has said that if I feel strongly about it then its up to me and said that to his parents as well,he also told them they would not have allowed him and his siblings to open presents before christmas when they were kids.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 15/12/2007 20:56

Can you open them together after Christmas?

Lazylou · 15/12/2007 20:57

I would be ok with this tbh. They tend to get sooooo much over Christmas that staggering it out would appeal to me. In fact, DD has presents on CD and then Boxing day and the rest tend to drift in up until New Year. Not my choice, just the way it works with relatives visiting and wanting to see her face when she opens their presents. Plus it means that DD has a proper chance to play with everything, rather than her favourite present on the day iyswim.

Saturn74 · 15/12/2007 20:57

It's up to you, of course.
But part of the joy of giving presents is seeing the excitement of the children, so I can see your IL's pov.
As long as your children will have a few other pressies to open on Christmas Day, I can't see the harm.
Or rather - if it was a matter of rowing with the inlaws, or the children opening a present early, I'd choose the former for an easy life!

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 15/12/2007 20:58

Do a little post Christmas gathering with the inlaws after Christmast with the inlaws, let your dcs open the presents, it will be something to look forward to.

Scotia · 15/12/2007 21:01

Yes, it wouldn't bother me either. If you'd rather they didn't, ask your in-laws to keep the presents at their house until they come home and bring them round after Christmas. That way the dcs don't open anything before Christmas, and the in-laws get to see the children's faces when they open them.

Original poster
ALdc · 15/12/2007 21:01

Have offered the post Christmas gathering and it has been agreed but still getting the cold shoulder.

OP posts:
Scotia · 15/12/2007 21:02

Cross posted there

NappiesGaloriaInExcelsis · 15/12/2007 21:02

id prob have been easier about it, but them giving the cold shoulder would totally get my back up tbh. and im most unresonable when my backs up, so any advice id give, you wouldnt want

moondog · 15/12/2007 21:05

You are being ridiculously mean spirited AL.

Magrat · 15/12/2007 21:07

are you actually religious? not that that would make a difference to be honest as it's not like 25th December was Jesus birthday or anything

I think you're being a little precious here to be honest .. let them open the presents .. bet they'll have loads on christmas day

HabbiChristmasToBu · 15/12/2007 21:07

We do a "fake" Christmas before or after with whichever family we're not with on the day. Turkey, presents, the works - is fine for us, and keeps everyone pretty happy.

cat64 · 15/12/2007 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheGeesearegettingFat · 15/12/2007 22:10

I think it depends on the age of the dc's. I would not want mine to becasue they still beleive in Santa and we put all the presents out under the tree on Christmas eve and they come down and look with awe and wonder; having them staggered would take that away from all of us.

However, if they are older and no longer beleive in Santa I think I would let them.

Emprexia · 15/12/2007 23:41

YANBU

presents are for opening on christmas day. My dad was so anal about that i wasn't even allowed to open the ones from school friends, they went under the tree.

Tell inlaws you'll take photo's

SelfishMrsClaus · 16/12/2007 00:00

Oh FGS.

You are being petty.

let the GP's get the pleasure of seeing their faces!! You will have many more years to lay down the rules.

I always let my dc's open their gifts from my parents a few days before C'mas, they don't see them on C'mas day & they love seeing their excitment

Go on.. relax the rules.. 'tis Christmas!

kd73 · 16/12/2007 00:02

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable.

Are the grandparents retired? if so money may be an issue and if they have had to save hard and thought hard about their purchases, it must be difficult to not feel your gift may not have been appreciated and will simply get lost in the excitment of so many other presents.

Can you not tell dc that their grandparents had some special gifts delivered to the wrong address early, after all Santa is terribly busy!?!

On a final note, it seems that the christmas message is being lost on the finer points - it is about love, families, sharing and religion.

turquoise · 16/12/2007 00:05

I think you are being unreasonable. Why do you feel so strongly about it? Surely wanting to see their grandchildren's faces when they open the gift is not too much to ask? They're not asking you to have the whole of christmas early for their benefit.

AngharadGoldenhand · 16/12/2007 00:31

Agree with Kaishay. YANBU

Presumably they ran Christmas their way when their kids were little? They should allow you the same courtesy.

Post-Christmas gathering good enough. They chose to go away for Christmas. Why should grandparents get to dictate Christmas to others?

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 16/12/2007 09:33

YAB terribly U! You are being really unreasonable in that you have not invited to one big mega Christmas Presents Opening Galore for all the people who have given gifts to your children and would like to see their face as they open the gifts! Hey, you can sell tickets to the event, and donate the money to a good cause, or a holiday fund.

Shouldnt every aunt or uncle, distant relative or close family friend who has given the children gifts be allowed the same pleasure?

roisin · 16/12/2007 09:50

How old are your children? We always encouraged the boys to open presents when they received them, so that they were aware who they came from and could say and appropriate thank you at the time.

Otherwise it's far too easy for everything to get lost in the blur of Christmas Day.

My boys are 8 and 10 now, so there's no issue of them not realising/remembering what's from whom: but we would still encourage them to open their presents from rellies as they receive them (usually after Christmas).

MummyDoItUnderTheMistletoe · 16/12/2007 09:55

I personally would allow the GPs the pleasure of seeing their gifts opened. Your DCs will still have plenty of presents to open on the day and I don't think it's worth causing bad feeling over. We're having a big get-together of my in-laws on the 22nd and we'll let our DSs open their presents then, if that's what everyone wants.

FrannyandZooey · 16/12/2007 09:57

I think you are being unnecessarily uncompromising on this. Allowing them to have some presents in advance would do no harm and would allow the givers to see the enjoyment of the children,

tbh when you give a gift I think it is up to you and the recipient to decide when it is opened and very little to do with any third party

HonoriaGlossop · 16/12/2007 10:00

I feel the decision is up to the gift giver, not the parents really. This happened yesterday, my aunt came with a bag of goodies for ds - bless her heart, she had really put loads of thought into it and obviously enjoyed all the choosing and wrapping; it would have seemed so rude and dismissive to just stick them under the tree! And when ds started delving, I asked HER "Is this ok if he opens them now?" rather than feeling it was up to me.

I feel when someone does put all this thought and love into christmas presents, it's a matter of courtesy to ask them whether they prefer them opened now or not.

So I do think YAB a bit U.

HonoriaGlossop · 16/12/2007 10:01

great minds, franny

oljam · 16/12/2007 10:06

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I can remember the excitement and anticipation as a child of seeing the parcels from family under the tree before Christmas and then opening them on Christmas morning, seeing if all my guessing etc had been right.

We always leave Christmas pressies till Christmas morning regardless of when they're given. Although to be honest I think family on both sides must share the same feelings because they've never asked the kids to open gifts early.

I think if anything if they want to see the kids faces I think I would say hang on to the gifts until post Christmas when we're together rather than hand them over pre Christmas.