To not allow my kids to open presents from family before Christmas?

[ALdc]

In Laws will be away on holiday over Christmas so are coming to see DC this weekend before they go. They want DC to open their presents this weekend so that they "can see their faces". I don t agree with presents being opened before Christmas and have said no. Now getting the cold shoulder from in laws. DH while not being really bothered has said that if I feel strongly about it then its up to me and said that to his parents as well,he also told them they would not have allowed him and his siblings to open presents before christmas when they were kids.

What do you all think?

In my ever so humble opinion christmas day is about opening presents that santa brings and if my dc get presents given from family then they open them in front of them and thank them there and then. Unless you pretend ALL presents come from santa then would it be really that bad to allow them to open them from IL's with them? LIke a previous post said you dont want to end up the same as them as you obviously dont agree with the way they are (understandably) but in X amount of years time would you want to see your grandchildren open their presents in front of you if you couldnt be with them on xmas day?

I actually tend to always allow the dc's to open presents as they come in from dp's anuties, granny whatever. For one it makes christmas day less manic for them rather than the ripping off of loads of paper etc then it staggers them a bit, gives them a chance to thank the people themselves and it is an awful lot for them and can be quite overwhelming on christmas morning when they get so much.

My IL's are quite weird in their ways as well and like things their own way but over the years I have had to try and take a step back and as myself if it was someone else that was making the request would I say yes?? Often the answer is yes and I have let my feelings towards them cloud my judgment a bit and I try and be a bit more rlaxed about things.

"I cant believe there are actually people who think its not up to the parents to decide when the kids get to open their presents."

Why should it be up to the parents? The givers are giving to the child. So why should the parents necessarily call the shots?

because the clue is in the word "Christmas presents"

They're for Christmas, for opening on christmas day, or whatever day you celebrate it (i know some people do it xmas eve)

Its not up to the rest of the family to dictate how you run your christmas, they can do christmas their own way in their own house.

I think it is very sad that you are using your children as pawns in a battle of wills with your ILs.

You are behaving in exactly the same way as you accuse your ILs of behaving.

Still, it is the season of goodwill and all that

YABU we had a 'christmas day ' here today with my sister and her family because they live 2 hours+ away and we wont see them till new year. We all opened the presents from each other. Kids loved having crackers and dinner etc too. TBH my DCs get SO much at christmas from all the family wh live nearby it is lovely to see them actually playing with the toys!!

kaishay, that just sound sso selfish and bitter

So its selfish and bitter to actually want to make christmas day special by saving all the anticipation for the kids, having all the presents under the tree, or hidden away so "santa" can bring them christmas eve so they can wake up to them to open them on christmas morning?

Sorry, but its always been done that way at my parents house and always will be done the same with my children, Christmas is special and i believe it makes it less special if you open presents beforehand.

The few times i did ignore my parents and open present before xmas day, i felt bad because half the fun of christmas IS the build up and anticipation of wondering what you've got and looking forward to sitting around the tree opening them with your family.

whats the point in having a christmas day at all if you're just going to open presents whenever??

I'm dreading being a gp when I read posts like the original one.
I agree with the poster who said you are using your children as pawns.

Perhaps the grandparents should put "Happy Un-Christmas" on the labels, then they wouldn't be Christmas presents and they could give them (and have them opened) when they wanted!

yes. you are not even considering that other adults and, more importantly, children might have a completely different opinion to your own and it wouldn't hurt to consider their opinions

Oh ok.. so i'll allow everyone else to have an opinion about how i run my life and my house, because goddess forbid i upset them because i think something should be kept sacred and special about one day a year.

Merry Christmas.. i'll just go be selfish and bitter and enjoy a spectacularly special and traditional family christmas sitting around the xmas tree with my parents, husband and son and open ALL our presents, enjoying the excitement and anticipation of not knowing what everyone in the family has bought us and him.

Perhaps if you didnt want a range of opinions you should have posted in aibu on the world wide web.
Tbh I think it's about the kids and the giver rather than the parents excitement.

A classic 'it's all about MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee' post!

All about your excitement and your perfect family christmas - sod everyone else - your ILs and your children as long as you have what you want...

Not really soapbox. Is nothing to do with me. If it was then I would probably allow it and not really care to give myself an easy life. As said in a previous post my In laws are extremely controlling. I just don t want to allow them to have excess control over my DC, which has happened in the past when I just sat back and tried to relax about things. As for me using my children and it being all about me I find that rather a surprising not to mention completely inaccurate comment and wonder how you reached that conclusion from the basic information given. You sound rather angry in your posts, perhaps you should step away from your keyboard and calm down for a moment.

I do also think that this enormous focus on a huge pile of presents on Christmas Day perhaps gives the wrong message to our children

I must say I am prone to buying huge amounts of stuff at Christmas for ds because I get such enjoyment from it, but this insistence that the day will be spoilt if even a few presents are opened beforehand, gives me the message that you think the most important part of Christmas is to Get a Lot of Stuff

ALdc - Whilst I can understand that your inlaws want to see your kids open their presents I can also understand your viewpoint

After all if they really wanted to be part of your family celebrations they wouldnt go away at Christmas and your ds birthday next year.

I can also understand how you feel when you post asking for an opinion and it feels like a big % of MN seems to want to tear you to bits. I know from personal exp - its horrible isnt it

Do what you and your dh think is best - It is your family

ALDC

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

We all have our family traditions we don't open present before christmas day, I won't even have present bought around before christmas put under the tree.

But by the same token my sister is coming around on the 27th Dec and is bringing dd's presents then because she wants to see them open them. I don't have a problem with this.

I also have to ask if it is so important for them to see your dc open their presents why have the booked to go away at christmas.

A few people have said "When they are gps" so as a GP I thought I'd comment. We are going away for Christmas to see our grand daughter in the US, so dd and I decided jointly that we would have a 'Christmas Day' when we got back with grandson here. Did consider doing it before, but it's such a hectic time this week and he'll be glad of more presents in January
Think it's a shame that your ILs couldn't have discussed this with your family instead of all this upset.

I'm amazed by the strong opinions on here... I don't think you are being selfish, or unreasonable in the slightest. If anyone were to give me a gift for my dd before Christmas I'd thank them and put it to one side. When people give presents they are exactly that - presents. No strings attached about how and when they should be opened. I don't think there is anything unreasonable about waiting either until Christmas Day, or until a get-together some time afterwards. Of course it is your decision. You sound more than reasonable to me. If my IL's told me they wanted to see my dd's face I'd tell them to make sure they were here on Christmas Day! I understand that seeing the recipient's face on opening a gift is part of the joy of giving, but some people are just a bit too pushy with their present-giving behaviour and it can smack of competitiveness and one-upmanship. Life is too short to spend trying to please all the people all the time. If they are 'offended' that says more about them than about you. Don't worry about it. Happy Christmas!

We are staggering them, for less overexcitement. I, and dd, open whenever the giver would like us to. Because I do think that 'it is more blessed to give than to receive'. Not really a Christian. But the Bible's got it right, on this occasion.

Thanks Yurtgirl, was beginning to develop a migraine from all the negativity .

Some posters on MN seem to really want to see the worst in everyone I have found. I don t mind honest opinion even if negative at all but some are just so completely inaccurate and some just plain nasty and all this on the strength of such basic information given. Telling someone they are using their kids to score points is a very harsh and insulting thing to say and I am unable to see how someone might have reached this conclusion from the information given unless they are that sort of person themself.

Also Christmas to me is not just about Getting Alot Of Stuff. Dont Have Alot Of Money and therefore I am trying to make it special for DC and not dictated by inlaws hectic holiday schedule.

The all about me post was to Kaishay - unless you and she are the same poster?

soapbox.. if it was an "its all abount me" post, then my parents, grandparents, greatgrandparent and whole family must think everything is about them too, because NO-ONE in my family opens presents before christmas day.

Well perhaps it's about time for a different family tradition that takes account of your DPs family traditions as well as your family's.

Or perhaps you slavishly follow the traditions of one side of the family, ignoring the other's. Tempting though that might be at times it isn't really that fair!