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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my kids to open presents from family before Christmas?

102 replies

ALdc · 15/12/2007 20:53

In Laws will be away on holiday over Christmas so are coming to see DC this weekend before they go. They want DC to open their presents this weekend so that they "can see their faces". I don t agree with presents being opened before Christmas and have said no. Now getting the cold shoulder from in laws. DH while not being really bothered has said that if I feel strongly about it then its up to me and said that to his parents as well,he also told them they would not have allowed him and his siblings to open presents before christmas when they were kids.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
Emprexia · 16/12/2007 21:17

DP never bothered with Xmas. It was just another day to him. my Dads family was the same when he married my mom.

Both men are now more rabid about not opening presents than my mother and I. Having never had christmas as children, they're really into keeping the day extra special.

Lmao, my dad is so bad, he won't even let us discuss what we've bought each other infront of him.. he's a big kid and the worst of the lot of us.

madame · 16/12/2007 21:19

Totally agree with you Aldc, we are going to in laws this weekend and we will be standing our ground also.

You have to do what is right with you on this sort of thing imo

SelfishMrsClaus · 16/12/2007 22:20

My dd has a birthday on C'mas Eve.

Ds has a birthday on 27th dec.

I let them open all their presents as & when people give them to them

They will have enough stuff from santa on C'mas morning without having to open piles from other people too!

I do think the OP is being petty & childish.. I learned the hard way not to sweat the small stuff with the IL's, looks like she's going to have learn the same way as me....

Crunchie · 16/12/2007 22:50

To start with I thought YABU, but reading further I can understand your poisnt. Particularly that they would not have allowed it for their own children, so THEY are the ones with an issue. You have offered them a post chreistmas meet so they can still see the kids faces when opening pressies, so you have compromised a bit.

I totally understand both sides, BUT I am of the opinion they open when they get and I like staggering stuff, I never 'stash away' under the tree unless they are given really really early!!

Original poster
ALdc · 17/12/2007 10:28

Soapbox, was the post about "using" kids to score points against the in laws for someone else as well? Because I noticed you did not mention that one. Don t worry I would probably be embarrassed if I had made such an ignorant and unnecessary comment as well.

Hercules1, If you are not a controlling person as my in laws are then you will not have to worry about being a grand parent will you? Try reading the rest of my posts.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 17/12/2007 10:31

We don't open any presents before Christmas Day. No one has ever asked us to not expects us to. Our presents appear under the tree on Christmas Eve and not before.

When I give a present I don't need to see the recipient open it. the pleasure comes from giving IMO, not the reaction when opened.

And OP states "he also told them they would not have allowed him and his siblings to open presents before christmas when they were kids. "

So, would stick with this!

FluffyMummy123 · 17/12/2007 10:32

Message withdrawn

3JinglesandnoBells · 17/12/2007 10:59

Hm....I must say I think OP you are being a bit unreasonable...but, that is just my personal view.
But I do feel that you are so opposed to it mainly because of who is asking, and that is sad, imo!
Also....I must admit...PEOPLE Christmas is NOT about the gifts and opening presents...but if that is the message you want to give to your Kids...then of course, let them open a mightly pile on X-mas.
I can, tbh, not really see why it would be o.k. to let them open them afterwards and make a special day then, if you are so opposed to it beforehand...am really puzzled!
For what it's worth, as I am german, my Kids open the presents from my mum on Christmas eve and then the rest on X-mas day or whenever...however, if I wouldn't see someone at Christmas and they would like to give the presents in person, then I would accomodate it as and when! I really don't think that any harm is done by receiving presents beforehand!

izzybobsmum · 17/12/2007 11:06

ALdc,

I'm here to offer my support. My parents are going to Cornwall for Christmas, and have asked if my dd can open her present from them before they go. I have said no.

My dd is 2 and is just beginning to understand what Christmas is about, and I don't want to confuse her, or dilute the anticipation of the big day when she runs down stairs to discover that Father Christmas has been.

Teaches children a bit of patience, IMHO...

SelfishMrsClaus · 17/12/2007 11:10

Do you all wrap the santa gifts? do you tell your children that every gift under the tree os from santa?

As we get given C'mas presents & the dc's know they are from certain family members. Then on C'mas morn santa has left them toys in the livingroom, unwrapped.

I doubt very much that by opening one gift, given by loving grandparents will "dilute the anticipation of the big day"

But the great thing about this world is we all have free choice... & we all choose to do things differently. Personally I would choose to make my life a wee bit easier for myself & choose not to have the IL's offended or annoyed with me, simply be letting the kids open a gift a few days early, but hey, we're all different

EniDeepMidwinter · 17/12/2007 11:12

You are being unreasonable

I would definitely let them open them

and atually my dds would want to open them in front of the giver too especially dd1 who loves to say thank you in person

Hulababy · 17/12/2007 11:23

All presents wrapped up but all labelled from who ever has sent them - how else do you do thank you letters?

FC is a delivery service in this house.

Nothing unreasonable IMo with OP. Just therir way of doing Christmas. Everyone has different ways of celebrating Christmnas from what we read, no one way is right after all.

SelfishMrsClaus · 17/12/2007 11:25

We say thank-you in person

soapbox · 17/12/2007 13:53

No Aldc that post was for you.

It is neither ignorant or unnecessary, as you asked the question and I answered it.

If it wasn't the answer you were expecting then bad luck.

I would assume by the fact that it rattled your cage so much, that you feel it is pretty close to the truth!

Having been on MN for many years, I can say that when it comes to reading threads about PIL relationships, when it comes to a battle of wills no one ever wins.

FrannyandZooey · 17/12/2007 14:34

May I suggest to the OP that she sticks to the 'nod and bustle' section in future, and doesn't stray into the cruel world of AIBU again

OrmIrian · 17/12/2007 14:37

YABU I'm afraid. For all the reasons previously stated.

If they givers have carefully chosen the present it's not surprising they want to see it opened.

Original poster
ALdc · 17/12/2007 16:00

Again as I posted previously soapbox for you to have even come up with that idea from the information given I have to assume that is possible projection on your part. Also amused by the way you mention,in passing, the many number of years you have been posting on Mumsnet.

FrannyandZooey, as far as I was aware at no time did I ask opinions on if it was acceptable to use my children as pawns against their grandparents and so found this to be an utterly unnecessary and irrelevant opinion from Soapbox. So do actually think I was on the right board all along. The GP were upset and I didnt like or enjoy that even though I thought I was right so I came on here to check out what others might think.

Have been very appreciative of the responses given to my original post and I did actually let my children open a small present each from their GP yesterday on the strength of some of the more rational comment on here. Still don t like it but everyone else was happy.

Thanks to all responses where the poster managed to maintain control and not project all their negative ideas and insecurities about themselves onto my genuine post. . Merry Christmas all.

OP posts:
izzybobsmum · 17/12/2007 16:01

SelfishMrsClaus, in our house, Father Christmas acts as a delivery service, and delivers all presents from family, friends and Father Christmas alike, so my dd would be confused if he somehow managed to deliver some presents early.

Once one lot of relatives had asked for my dd to open her presents early it wouldn't be long before the others started asking, and then it would be difficult to draw the line.

As you so rightly say, we all have free choice, and in this instance I have chosen to stick to what I want rather than roll over for an easy life.

hercules1 · 17/12/2007 21:06

Sorry but lol at your reaction to posts you didn't agree with!

SelfishMrsClaus · 17/12/2007 21:37

insecurities about themselves...

Hello???? YOU posted AM I BEING UNREASONABLE... & in my book if you have to ask then you bloody well must at least question yourself on what you're doing.

If you don't want to be that, "Actually you are being unreasonable" then don't ask

And imho there was no need for such bad manners on your behalf to the posters who took time to answer your question...

Original poster
ALdc · 18/12/2007 09:04

No bad manners intended towards those who took the time to answer my question, only defence of myself to the posters who accused me of using my children - something I would never do. Surely I am allowed to defend myself against such an unpleasant accusation? I got the answer to my inital query and thanks for that but not going to allow someone to accuse me of using my children. Please please read all my posts before you come steaming back in. Thought there was a great deal of overreaction TBH. If you read all the posts you would see that I am not alone in thinking the way I do.

If you are going to go around accusing people of unhealthy behaviour like "using" their children on no grounds whatsoever then you need to expect something back. It is ridiculous to call it bad manners. Seems that some are quite happy to dish it out on MN but not so happy to take some back.

OP posts:
SelfishMrsClaus · 18/12/2007 09:47

I have read all your posts.

And I didn't accuse you of using your children, I don't think you tbh.

I do think that you hold a grudge against your IL's but that's for another time.

I wish you a happy & peaceful C'mas & lots of fun on C'mas morning opening all your gifts xx

LoveAngelGabriel · 18/12/2007 11:29

YABU.

FluffyMummy123 · 18/12/2007 11:30

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ALdc · 18/12/2007 13:55

SelfishMrsClaus

I know that you didnt accuse me of using my kids as pawns but you did tell me I had bad manners for reacting badly to the opinions expressed on here. Only reacted badly (understandably I feel) to that one opinion. Valued the rest and really took them on board.

Thank you for your Christmas greetings and they are very much returned xx

OP posts:
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