Do you get a birthday present?

[Nippyintheair]

Off your Dh/Dp & parents?

I rarely get from either, just wondering if this is normal..

Birthday a couple of days ago, card from parents with them writing inside that they owe me a present, usually give my money when they see me (I live abroad)

Dp got me a card and cake. Doesn’t organise or ask if i want us (and toddler) to go out or what I want for dinner. It’s more or less another, normal day.
For him, I plan what to buy a month or so before, cards, usually bake a cake with toddler Dd, or order a specially made one, never the same old one I receive from the supermarket. I put balloons up and usually cook something nice if it’s during the week or plan a nice lunch or at least a takeaway etc.

He knows how much it bothers/upsets me, some years he has a present, others not. I’ve spoken to him about making more effort now we have Dd and maybe including her in things..it never changes.
It’s not about what the present is, I can buy myself something if I like, it’s 100% the thought and effort.

As it was, I planned and went out for lunch with Dd and have planned to meet friends at the weekend. Always so embarrassing when they ask what he planned/what I got too.

Is this normal?

Always card and present from DH. My mum no longer with us. Always got card and present up until she started suffering from dementia.

@chocohoardersanonymous

My family usually forget my birthday and on the rare occasion they remember I might get a phone call a few days late. DHs family just send a message to him on WhatsApp for his birthday and the kids' birthdays. DH puts minimal effort in and will sometimes pick up some flowers from the train station on the way home from work despite me telling him for years that I don't like cut flowers. It's my birthday next week and I am dreading it as it always reminds me how little I mean to everyone.

This is sad...

It isn't just the forgetting of special days is it?

It's what the meaning is... That significant people in your life can't be bothered to make you feel special /valued.

Really hope stuff looks brighter for you soon @chocohoardersanonymous

DF - no presents since I turned 21
DM - present every year still
DH - present every year
Mil - money and a gift
Fil - money

@IamtheDevilsAvocado Yes, I feel the same, feel sad that I day I so loved has become a day I sort of dread because I know how disappointed I’ll feel.

@IamtheDevilsAvocado Yes, the part of showing my daughter not to expect much really bothers me too as it’s not just about me anymore. I’m the one who had to act all cheery when she was asking where my presents were etc

[quote Nippyintheair]@IamtheDevilsAvocado Yes, the part of showing my daughter not to expect much really bothers me too as it’s not just about me anymore. I’m the one who had to act all cheery when she was asking where my presents were etc[/quote]
This is so sad.

It just feels whatever you do, with your OH he either WONT beleieve you or just can't be arsed.

I couldn't tolerate this... Obviously it is totally up to him whether he wants to celebrate HIS birthday...

But, he's pushing you into a position where you not only can't celebrate your birthday, makes you feel rubbish about it and the dread leading up to it, with the additional aspect of trying to mask your disappointment in front of your daughter....

Would showing him this thread have any impact @Nippyintheair

I would be FUMING if my parents, siblings and husband didn't get me a present, and I'm 29.

@IamtheDevilsAvocado I thought of that, but he’d be all defensive and angry I’d posted about it.

Been texting him at work today trying to see if it’s written down and he actually hears it if that makes sense. He’s veered between being shocked and apologising and saying of course he doesn't mean to upset me etc and he didn’t realise-but after I’ve said it so many times. The other part of him then gets sort of angry and says the message I’m sending are over the top and so I understand how I’m making HIM feel 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm lucky, DH gets me lots of thoughtful presents and usually bakes me a cake. He either cooks a nice meal or we get a take away and at the weekend we usually go put for a meal.

For those saying stop sending him card and gift, he probably won't notice or care. My DH would not. And if you wish what younger daughter will see, presumably she will learn that some people love to celebrate birthdays big time( mum) and others don't really bother at all( dad) and that will prepare her for the fact that everyone is different in life, which may be quite a good lesson.
I do have one friend who always used to give give her husband£30 and a gift list and ask him to take the kids shopping to buy her something off the list. That worked for her and the kids used to get excited about it.

@vdbfamily That’s fine for her to see differences, but what if she’s able to sense (no matter how hard I attempt to cover it up, kids aren’t stupid) that it makes me unhappy and why daddy doesn’t do something that makes mummy happy

[quote Nippyintheair]@IamtheDevilsAvocado I thought of that, but he’d be all defensive and angry I’d posted about it.

Been texting him at work today trying to see if it’s written down and he actually hears it if that makes sense. He’s veered between being shocked and apologising and saying of course he doesn't mean to upset me etc and he didn’t realise-but after I’ve said it so many times. The other part of him then gets sort of angry and says the message I’m sending are over the top and so I understand how I’m making HIM feel 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
His own conscience is making him feel guilty.

I am sorry, I know you are hurt. He seems to not get it for some reason.

The other thing that goes thru my head @Nippyintheair

How is he when anyone else tells them about feeling angry/sad/disappointed?

Does he minimise /discount?

Or is it just you he doesn't believe you when you comment on your own emotional state?

DP gave up work to be a SAHD when the kids were small. I still finished up with a lot of work, and did not really want this. He did not enjoy work and never went back to it apart from a short stint where he walked off the job after a few months. I cannot remember the last time he brought me anything, and he has never arranged a day or evening out. It is always me. If I challenge this he argues that, as it is your money that pays for everything why do you not just get yourself something you would genuinely want?. Apparently now in his 50s he has retired...