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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My aunt doesn't want me to bring my dog to Christmas day

303 replies

onethickpony · 23/11/2021 16:56

My Aunt has told me that she doesn't want me to bring my dog on Christmas day. There are going to be 22 of us so I can understand maybe she is worried about it being overwhelming, but my dog is very clean and well behaved and has been at most large family gatherings without issue.

Should I just respect her wishes or AIBU to push back and least ask why? Sad to think of my dog alone on xmas day (yes i am a crazy pet parent).

OP posts:
Jibberjabberhutt · 23/11/2021 19:56

I do @Stressymcstress, I am lucky. That’s why I’m not passing comment on the OP’s situation, just sharing an anecdote about my own. Although saying that, my MIL is really allergic but she has a dog because she loves them too much not to. She used to have to take medication but she appears to have become more tolerant to her own dog over the years.

HoppingPavlova · 23/11/2021 19:58

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask why since you are upset enough about it to post. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t say why when she told you not to bring him.

Because it’s common sense. I wouldn’t tell someone why as I’d think they were mad for asking/assuming.

There are 22 people. Throwing a dog into that would add to the chaos. Also, not everyone likes dogs. I’m not sure when this trend of taking your dog to other peoples houses started but it’s extremely rude. The dog has no idea it is Xmas so is missing out on nothing.

Do you work OP, what happens with the dog while you are at work? What about things like hospital appointments, are you one of these people that front up with a dog and can’t comprehend why you are told the dog can’t be there because your dog is so special?

RattiesAndPiggies · 23/11/2021 20:04

I personally wouldn’t go if my dog wasn’t welcome but I also realise that’s my decision

MNFHD · 23/11/2021 20:26

I do not want anyone's dog in my house. If I wanted a dog I would have bought one myself.

Nightingalecollege · 23/11/2021 20:28

Don’t go, I avoid lots of situations where I know that screaming toddlers will ruin my day.

Nightingalecollege · 23/11/2021 20:32

@HoppingPavlova

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask why since you are upset enough about it to post. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t say why when she told you not to bring him.

Because it’s common sense. I wouldn’t tell someone why as I’d think they were mad for asking/assuming.

There are 22 people. Throwing a dog into that would add to the chaos. Also, not everyone likes dogs. I’m not sure when this trend of taking your dog to other peoples houses started but it’s extremely rude. The dog has no idea it is Xmas so is missing out on nothing.

Do you work OP, what happens with the dog while you are at work? What about things like hospital appointments, are you one of these people that front up with a dog and can’t comprehend why you are told the dog can’t be there because your dog is so special?

I wonder if it’s easier to get dog care outside of Christmas Day? Is that a possibility?
Nightingalecollege · 23/11/2021 20:33

The dog haters probably think you can lock it in a cage for eight hours while you gush over their dc.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 23/11/2021 20:34

I am all for taking pets places and having them visit me. But your dog doesnt care it is Christmas, so it is not going to be pining at home. The only issue I can see is how long your dog will be alone for.

PurpleDaisies · 23/11/2021 20:35

@Nightingalecollege

The dog haters probably think you can lock it in a cage for eight hours while you gush over their dc.
Aren’t most people out of the house for eight hours at work?
PleasantBirthday · 23/11/2021 20:36

Cannot understand the number of people who are determined that there's any equivalence between children and dogs.

XenoBitch · 23/11/2021 20:49

Aren’t most people out of the house for eight hours at work?

Yes, but most sensible dog owners would utilise a dog walker or doggy day care. A bit hard on Christmas day!

JustLyra · 23/11/2021 20:54

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask why since you are upset enough about it to post. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t say why when she told you not to bring him.

She did - she said she didn’t want the OP to bring him. That’s a reason and it’s enough of a reason.

This new trend of treating dogs like humans is just ridiculous. No-one would expect to take their car or Guinea Pigs to someone else’s house on Christmas Day.

We have 27 for Christmas dinner and not a chance would I have a random dog come to a strange house, with new people and all the noise and assorted chaos.

Mellowyellow222 · 23/11/2021 20:56

@onethickpony

I also think push back was not the right thing to say as well, it was more if it was ok to ask why.
But is the reason not obvious?

She is hosting 22 people and doesn’t want a dog in the mix?

And in any case she is the host, you either attend in her conditions or you don’t attend.

I am sure you have gone for a meal before without your dog, or to a doctors appointment or to work?

The dog will be fine for a couple of hours.

XenoBitch · 23/11/2021 20:58

@JustLyra

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to ask why since you are upset enough about it to post. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t say why when she told you not to bring him.

She did - she said she didn’t want the OP to bring him. That’s a reason and it’s enough of a reason.

This new trend of treating dogs like humans is just ridiculous. No-one would expect to take their car or Guinea Pigs to someone else’s house on Christmas Day.

We have 27 for Christmas dinner and not a chance would I have a random dog come to a strange house, with new people and all the noise and assorted chaos.

Cats and guinea pigs are different to dogs. You could go away and let a neighbour pop in and feed your cat and guinea pigs. Dogs are different.
luckylavender · 23/11/2021 21:02

Her house, her rules. You either go or you don't. But your dog isn't invited.

Hormonehelp · 23/11/2021 21:06

Surely most people don’t go to Christmas Day “for a few hours”.

I would perhaps say, that’s such a shame could I ask why? Or just quickly start the search for someone to have your dog for the day- neighbour, friend having a quiet Christmas, dog sitter.

I couldn’t leave mine for more than four or five hours and those suggesting they leave their dogs (unless perhaps elderly) for an entire working day annoys me an endless amount. Don’t get a dog if you are going to leave it all day five days a week!!

I have a very small dog, very well behaved who sleeps most of the time - some friends don’t usually allow dogs but always allow mine. That being said I still check. I have had to miss some events or nights out as I wouldn’t leave my dog.

Porcupineintherough · 23/11/2021 21:11

Since when was taking your pet with you to visit people a thing?

XenoBitch · 23/11/2021 21:12

@Porcupineintherough

Since when was taking your pet with you to visit people a thing?
If OP lived hours away from her aunt, then she might not have had much choice.
Fros · 23/11/2021 21:13

@onethickpony
"Because the dog usually comes to all our family gatherings without issue (I always text to ask beforehand) and has done since I had her."

In this case then, I would ask.

I'm a dog owner (can't stand 'pet parent') and anyone who knows me well enough to invite me overnight/for xmas/on holiday, knows that either the dogs come with me, one of two trusted people would need to be available and willing to dog-sit, or I'm not able to go for more than a few hours - and honestly that's always discussed/agreed before I'd accept the invite.

Asking why things have changed isn't a problem (if someone in the family has discovered/developed an allergy or phobia you'd want to know for the future), pressuring the person to change their mind about dog being invited is.

Regarding the number of people - I realise most families are smaller these days, but our 'family' gatherings are easily 25 plus, and dogs are almost always welcome so long as they are reasonably well behaved and managed

lollipopsandrainbows · 23/11/2021 21:14

I have two dogs and we always go to my mums for Xmas lunch. She's not a dog fan, but knows we will bring them along as we are out of the house for a long period and it wouldn't be fair to leave them. Mum has full length folding doors which the dogs love to lick, and I just know she spends most of Boxing Day wiping them down...and she's never said don't bring them. BUT...this year there's a new baby in the family who's now crawling. She's asked us not to bring the dogs as she wants to keep the area clean and our dogs have never seen a crawling baby which is a fair point. All good. We will be heading to mums later and coming home earlier so dogs aren't left as long. I would never push back. It's not my house and I have to respect my mums wishes. You need to do the same OP.

Mellowyellow222 · 23/11/2021 21:15

I think the compromise here is to consider how ping your dog can be home alone and go for that length of time.

Most adult dog should be able to cope for four or five hours as an occasional time - it will probably sleep most of the time.

That is long enough to enjoy your meal and spend some time with family.

But please remember you are a guest in this house, most people understand they can’t brig a dog with them to social event in peoples homes. We have a large family gathering every year, lots of families have dogs. No one have ever brought their dog, and I would be shocked if they did.

fiasco2021111 · 23/11/2021 21:18

@DarlingFell

Don’t leave your poor dog alone all day on Christmas Day. Really pisses me off when people leave dogs, social creatures, who all suffer some degree of separation anxiety (no matter how ‘easy going’ you try and tell yourself your dog is) for longer than 4 hours. It’s bloody cruel. Don’t own a dog if you cannot commit most of your time to that dog.
Aye? It's one day for a couple of hours? You can't be there very second of every day! Id hardly say leaving a pet for a few hours in the day is not committing to it.
Billandben444 · 23/11/2021 21:28

If it's a mild day could you leave it in the car and walk it every couple of hours? Favourite blanket and chewy?

Branleuse · 23/11/2021 21:38

Is there any chance you could host a more relaxed christmas dinner at yours and see if any of the family want to come to you if its a bit more laid back and pet friendly.
22 for her is such a lot, and it seems a shame if you have to stay home with your dog but she has already bagsied the whole rest of the family, but youre apparently not even allowed to question anything

JustLyra · 23/11/2021 21:44

@Branleuse

Is there any chance you could host a more relaxed christmas dinner at yours and see if any of the family want to come to you if its a bit more laid back and pet friendly. 22 for her is such a lot, and it seems a shame if you have to stay home with your dog but she has already bagsied the whole rest of the family, but youre apparently not even allowed to question anything
Bagsied the family?

It’s the end of November. It’s not like she’s bullied people into committing to attending in January.

It would be a cracking way to throw a strop and be rude to try and persuade people to ditch the aunt’s dinner at this stage.