To fucking hate feeding my one year old

[cruffin]

She's so picky, throws it on the floor, what she will eat one day the next she doesn't. It's such a fucking chore and the food waste is awful. I absolutely hate it.

Since having my son I’ve realised that yes, having kids is the greatest single thing to harm the environment. The food waste is mega. One bite and “don’t like it”.
But I want him to eat so I end up giving a mix and see what he’ll eat.. and that is more food waste. I’ve just accepted it now.

A fussy 1 year old doesn’t mean a beige eating 7 year old. Put plastic mat under her chair. One of those plastic bibs with arms. You must be eating just give her the same with some of bits she likes. She’s a baby. She’s having milk. She has a small stomach. It will be fine.

@romanroy don't feel bad - he's got norovirus! I had food poisoning this weekend and all I could manage for 3 days is apple juice and a tiny portion of bran flakes. don't be so mean to yourself!

My kids are only now coming out of the fussy stage and they are teens. It's the one bit of parenting I would like to rewind and do differently. If I had my time again, it would be eat what we eat from the start, no separate cooking way fewer snacks, and all eat at the table where possible. Would also serve from dishes so everyone can try things /help themselves.

I just wanted to reply directly to this - my little girl is 2 and 3 months. A memory from a year ago came up on my Facebook today from a year ago, when I was rejoicing over her actually eating something I’d cooked. Now she’s really good!!

Just because your 1 year old is hard doesn’t mean they still will be at 2.

I got through it by caving, pushing carbs at the evening meal (for full tummy sleep), pushing vitamins in her, and sometimes shipping her off to someone else (grandparent etc) as she’d eat amazingly for others and it removed the stress for me.

I've given up trying to keep things clean now and use the spoon. So at meal times he's in his high chair in a nappy and he's just given bits of whatever I'm having. He even has curry last night!

He'd refuse if it was on a spoon but he loves to grab stuff and mush it into his mouth himself so that's how I'm getting through OP. Solidarity though, it's rubbish!

@cruffin But you are exposing her though : you're putting the food in front of her. She can see it, smell it, touch it, eat it. All that is exposure. If she doesn't want to touch or taste stuff, treat it as a "not your problem" thing, I'm serious. This is really not a big deal. She's getting her calories and nutrients from the milk. She doesn't rely on solid food.

Talk to your pediatrician to ease your concerns, I guarantee they'll tell you the same. I have a now 4 years old, who I reckon always liked to eat, but I never tried to get him to eat anything. I still don't. So sometimes yes, he will only eat the meat bits and applesauce out of a full well-balanced meal... But whatever. This is no ground for concern health wise and I don't want to pick unnecessary battles.

Don't make yourself miserable, seriously.

Mixture of stuff you know they eat and new stuff but just one thing. Eat with your child so you model behaviour.

Ds1 ate everything, Ds2 was more difficult but he was a poorly baby and toddler so I understood that he was going to be more difficult to feed. For getting veg in them any kind of hidden veg sauce that you can put on pasta or smear it on a toasted English muffin or a wrap for a mini pizza. Roll the wrap or cut it into strips. Eat the same food together. Even if you are half pretending.

I never really gave mine "children's food" so no potato smiles things but basically what we had, I would remove their portion and add more chilli or spices to it so they had a watered down version spice wise. I also froze some as their portions were so teeny so I wasn't cooking theirs every day for lunches etc.

I think the reason we get upset is because it feels like the most basic thing is to feed child. Ds2 went from a fairly limited diet but one that hit all the nutritional boxes to a child that eats salmon, Thai, Indian, Mexican style foods, so hang on in there. Make a list of what she does eat, it might make you feel better.

Oh and nothing wrong with cheese fruit and toast!

I worried too at first that he wasn't having enough veg and quinoa/super healthy low fat X Y or Z.

Honestly though, he's fed, he's alive, and he smiles and laughs daily so that's just what I'm aiming for now! Cheese is a staple for us as well in most lunches actually. The dentist even said it's a better snack to give them than fruit so 🤷‍♀️

I just do a packed lunch buffet style dinner- younger kids seem to prefer grazing rather than a full meal. Basically some sort of substance on bread/a wrap (has to be as flat as possible because my son is a lunatic), then an assortment of whatever is in the fridge- so fruit and veg chopped up, some crisps, a blob of humous, a biscuit and some yoghurt. The beauty of the fruit and veg is that when he lobs them on the floor I pick them up before they get stamped on, wash them and recycle for the next days dinner. I really don't have the money to waste on food and it's so hit and miss as to whether he will eat it or not. As long as it's clean and not half chewed he's getting it back again.

He gets whatever we're having for tea. I went through the whole hating feeding the kids with the two eldest so now they just get what they're given which is usually some variation on what we're having. Can't be bothered with making effort and the stress for the world's worst food critics. 😂

I just wanted to say thank you for this. I am a long time lurker but threads like these are the reason I love mumsnet - they seem to pop up and make you feel better you aren't alone with a problem at exactly the right time. I feel like all my friends' toddlers honk down huge portions of whatever is put in front of them, while I spend all my time making dear little fish pies and the like which get thrown on the floor. I started giving her pasta every night because i knew she would eat it...and then that stopped! she is also a fruit and cheese diet baby so i will cling to that for now! Anyway, thank you, I felt a rush of relief reading this x

Are you worried about her weight, or just her nutrition/variety of foods?

If no weight concerns I would dial the pressure on yourself and her right back. Give very small quantities of a range of foods to minimise what goes on the floor. Try to eat with her whenever you can, always the same foods. As a family is even better. You can almost always give the same as what you're having, as long as you watch the usual things like salt, fiery spices or choking hazards. If she doesn't like being spoon-fed just let her feed herself. They can even manage soup with their hands if it's thick enough (or mine did anyway), and no it doesn't mean that they won't use cutlery or have any table manners when they're old enough! Don't focus on what she's eating or not eating, just try to let her associate mealtimes with an enjoyable, relaxed atmosphere if you can.

If you're really worried about her eating enough and think the food-throwing is a form of protest against having to eat at all iyswim then I would simply ignore the food throwing/dropping. Pay no attention to whatsoever. Otherwise, I would tell her neutrally that dropping food means we've had enough and want to leave the table. Remove her plate and wipe her face. That way, if she is actually hungry and just trying to wind you up/get a reaction with the food throwing then she will soon learn that the food disappears if she throws it.

When you say she won't eat vegetables, is that literally cooked any way at all? Thinly-cut raw veg sticks with dips, in soups and pasta sauces, vegetable stews, mashed, as vegetable sides in a bit of sauce or gravy? Sometimes they just don't like particular textures or shapes - it isn't always the taste, so worth trying different approaches.

We used to do a bit of what we were having and then something else on the plate that we knew she would eat. So cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, rice cake were always eaten, one of those and a bit of our chicken salad sandwich for example.

Sometimes she ended up with really weird combinations like half a chicken taco with a side of scrambled egg, but she always ate something on the plate.

See I find food fine, I don't get stressed about it but I really struggle with discipline/boundaries/cooperation (without shouting) and I don't really like playing with them. Watching them play is great, joining in is awful. :o

Everyone has a nemesis in parenting. Whether it's sleep, food, playing, illness... don't beat yourself up about it. It is highly unlikely to be as important as you fear. Any time you catch yourself with the mum guilt, ask yourself "Does my DH worry about this? Did my great-grandmother worry about this?" Chances are the answer will be NO. And that means that you probably don't need to either.

For food some useful (guilt free) approaches to follow are Division of Responsibility - which basically says it's your responsibility to provide food, it's your child's responsibility to decide how much of it they eat (and zero is fine). Also Kids Eat in Color is an instagram a lot of people I know recommend.

There is a lot of crap talked about kids and food, those two are OK IMO. Forget healthy vs unhealthy, specific numbers of foods to eat a day, whatever she wants is probably fine. Fruit, bread and cheese is a pretty balanced diet TBH! It has protein, dairy, carbs/grain and plants. That's a brilliant base so even if she only eats that, that's OK. See anything extra as a bonus. I had one child who would barely eat anything and one that inhales everything, so it's really just down to the child and it's totally fine to follow their lead.

I used to do baby led weaning with absolutely everything, even if it doesn't seem finger food-y, there is usually a way. Pick some pieces out of a stew to try, offer bits of pasta with sauce on, at one they are also pretty good at dunking so you can do sticky foods like yoghurt, porridge, etc with a spoon. Soup with toast fingers. Chilli and rice can be eaten with fingers, they can pick out a kidney bean or chickpea or chunk of mince, roll rice into sticky balls or let them have a pile and smoosh it. Bigger foods like jacket potato can be cut into strips.

Chuck a muslin diagonally under the highchair and it catches most things, then just fold it and tip them into the food waste bin (or collect up to recycle into an omelette or something). I used to bring a spare plate/bowl and ask them to put food they don't want on there, which is surprisingly effective. Also, just end the mealtime if it turns into food-throwing-time. Not a punishment, just an OK, you clearly don't want to eat right now, we'll try again later. Experiment with timing meals/snacks before, after, directly between naps in case tiredness is a factor.

As long as you are offering food regularly you never need to worry if they eat nothing at a meal, as they will have another chance to eat soon. Keep breastfeeding, if on formula speak to GP/health visitor about whether to continue or swap to cow's milk, but a child with no health issues will not starve themselves. And with tummy bugs it's really OK for them to eat little to nothing for 2-3 days. Keep the fluids up.

You're doing a great job :)

@romanroy

I can't wait until my son can tell me what he wants.

But then they can refuse, loudly

Yeah, when they just sit and bellow 'I want a biscuit' over and over while throwing their healthy dinner around it's much easier 😩

I’m struggling a bit with my 8 month old. She prefers finger foods but just mushes and throws most of it. Dd1 on the other hand was great at weaning and ate everything but is quite fussy now at 4. If it’s any consolation, as a small child I ate nothing but cheese, chocolate and cornflakes for a while and now I eat pretty much anything!

How old is she?

Absolute same here. I hate it so fucking much. Fed up of making food and it all going on the floor. Or refusing to use spoon/fork even though he knows how. We have the occasional nice meal where I think we are through the worst of it, and then next time it’s back to shit. I try to be calm but end up in tears most of the time.
Sorry no advice, it’s just good to read that other people are going through it too and finding it tough.

Don’t worry- totally normal. Just try different approaches til one works for you. There are lots of suggestions on this thread.

Oddly you might find that she’ll eat raw but not cooked veg. A health visitor suggested this to me and I didn’t believe her but tried it and now my best way of getting food into my 3yo is offering her a plate of raw carrots or cucumber before dinner (ie when she’s hungry and there isn’t anything more interesting on her plate) and she usually scoffs the lot.

Yes keep trying her with new things but give yourself a break some days and just have a dinner that you know she likes.

Don't get worked up about it. Even by the time they are teens they change their minds about what they like from one week to the next. I always found that they liked anything that was on my plate !

Hell yes, it can be absolutely bloody awful, I remember throwing the whole lovingly prepared fresh meal in the bin complete with bowl & spoon once!
My dd was very picky & absolutely hated my homemade efforts.
I was also surrounded by friends with babies who ate every fruit & veg imaginable, dd ate none.
I was pregnant with dd2 & started sitting her in front of the TV to eat. Sounds awful but it took the tension out of the situation & she'd eat a bit while distracted!
She's 21 now & has for many years eaten a varied diet. She's also vegetarian which is quite funny given our early mealtimes.
Hang on in there, it all gets better in the end.

I was a problem eater as a child. But it was made infinitely worse by my parents' attitudes, shouting and grief. It was actual abuse in my case (hitting/ head pushed in the plate/being told if I vomited my food I would eat it) - but there's a spectrum of behaviour you don't want to get anywhere near. So chill out.

@BertieBotts I didn’t realise what I described had a name (Division if Responsibility)!

OP another thought - apologies if I’ve missed that you eat together - but are you hungry when she eats? My SIL used to give her DD lunch early (they never ate any meals together) and her own hunger contributed to her stress (and therefore DD’s stress about food) as she was hangry whenever her DD ate.

@cruffin

I tried to do everything right and followed the how to wean your baby, started with veg blah blah blah. All she wants to eat is cheese and fruit and toast.

I know someone whose child was like this. Only ate bread, cheese and fruit.

She gave a variety of each, obviously not all at the same time but at different meals.

This is no different nutritionally than eating meat (cheese/protein), carbs (bread/potatoes) and veg (fruit)

I sympathise but felt totally different. I used to love mealtimes. Wait until they’re teens like mine. Then they can vocally refuse everything apart from chicken nuggets! I loved that age and we used to have great fun. Put a mat under the high chair. Don’t give anything too expensive. I used to give bits of my lunch so for example, I’d have a fish finger sandwich with salad/veg and some fries..I’d then give him bits of mine so it’s not huge waste. Another thing I’d do is save a bit of previous nights tea. So beef casserole for example. Warm up in microwave then let him go for it. If you’re not going to loads of effort then the waste is less a ball ache. Always finish with a yoghurt and some cheese biscuits so somethings going in.