To fucking hate feeding my one year old

[cruffin]

She's so picky, throws it on the floor, what she will eat one day the next she doesn't. It's such a fucking chore and the food waste is awful. I absolutely hate it.

@thegreylady

With dgs I bought a divided tray and put tiny portions of different foods into each division. I also provided a sippy cup of water. I then sat opposite the baby across the table and pretended to read a book. Nine times out of ten a balanced meal was eaten.

Oh yes! The less attention you pay, the more they eat. I used to eat my meal, do the washing up etc all while not commenting on what they were eating, if they were messy etc. It’s hard, but really worth it - just try for a day.

Its astonishing how much they love any attention, especially if it’s mum tearing her hair out, and what they’ll do to get it

Solidarity from me too! My 16mo is just the same. Drives me mad but I’m trying to relax about it. A few things that have helped us:
We realised he hates being spoon fed, so try to offer finger foods or put a bit of yoghurt or whatever on a spoon and hand it to him to feed to himself. It does get messy!
He wants what I’m eating. So at most meals I just make one plate of food and give him bits off my plate.
He almost always wants the fruit and yoghurt before he’ll eat any of the savoury food, so usually has that first.
I’ve recently bought a couple of little suction bowls and he does seem to like taking the food out of them to eat rather than having it put on the high chair tray.

Fruit, cheese and toast sounds ok! Just chuck the occasional bit of what you’re eating over for her to try and she might go for it.

I hated feeding my kids from age 1ish and still get stressed about it.

Now they can ask for what they'd like it's always pasta and cheese which yes is nice but not many vitamins 🙄

As PP have said, give them something you know they like along with something they're less keen on or is new to them and ignore any throwing. Reacting to it fuelled mine more and as hard as it was, I left the mess until they were done eating. They grew out of it eventually.

Apparently toddlers food intake is measured over a week rather than a day. That knowledge kept me sane when all they'd eat was yoghurt or toast for a day but then have a day when they wouldn't stop eating. I just upped the milk on the bad days.

My DD went from eating anything to a really limited palate. I was the same growing up so I don't bother trying to force anything, once day she'll like it and until then there's vitamins. I remember being forced to try everything and it just made me worse.

Also leaps had a big effect. Even now at 2 & 3 I can see the difference in appetite when they're out of a leap and starting yet another growth spurt.

You've got this for the next 17 years 😃

@cruffin

I'm so fed up of thinking of new things to give her too. What is best to do, try new things and then cave and give her things I know she will eat? Or just think she will eat when she's hungry?

Let her eat what you know she likes. Happy meal times are THE BEST THING for her healthy development.

In the next half century or so, there will be plenty of time for both of you to introduce new recipes and discuss them together SHOCK HORROR you will like different things, have different tastes. This is just the beginning.

No need to cram a lifetime of different opinions into the next couple of months. Let her take her time.

Remember, DD has not yet learned to read so has no clue what books and MN want her to eat. But she is still a small real person with her own opinions.

DS is 7 now and eats most things but actually it's so nice to read this thread. I HATED feeding him. He was so hard to please, and so wasteful. I found it incredibly stressful, to the extent that I think it genuinely did me some mental damage - I hesitiate to self-diagnose PTSD but sometimes I do think I have some sort of trauma from all the negative emotions from feeding him as a baby. Everyone else seemed to love feeding their children and I felt like a horrible mum. It does get better though, I promise.

"picnics" helped here. Sometimes. Put a blanket on the floor somewhere and load food on it, excitedly talk about picnics, throw in a few dinosaurs/teddy's/Dolly's to "feed".
Bonus is whatever they spit out/throw can just be scooped up in blanket to shake outside.

Age 1 was the pickiest age for all three of my DC. They're great eaters now. Hang in there OP!

Just feed her what you're eating or a version of.

Eat all meals together. Offer off your plate if she asks. Make sure meals have 1 safe food she'll eat. Give her a small amount of everything and then more if she eats it.

Trust her that she'll eat what she wants. Childrens appetites at this age fluctuate so much. Illness, teething, tiredness etc. All impact hunger. It may be she's not so kuch rejecting it but simply not hungry.

Most importantly chill out! Getting stressed and pandering to her won't help anyone. Making meals a battleground causes issues all round.

With all of mine they were usually given a bit of whatever I was having. I had a few little bits and bobs in Tupperware for the occasions I was having something they couldn't eat, and I would also sometimes just give a slice of toast or a packet of Rafferty's Garden baby snack stuff.

It often meant they dug in with their hands and made a bloody huge mess of themselves and the dining area, but you have to just take a deep breath in and keep telling yourself that one day they will eat nicely and there won't be a huge mess to clean up afterwards. I believe that day comes at some point in their 30s.

I actually could have written this. I hate food time with my 13 month old. It's the worst parts of my day.

Genuine sympathy from me OP.

She's 1, she's still getting milk wether breast or bottle. Don't make yourself miserable and don't sweat it. At that point solid meals are still somewhat of a novelty/exploration thing, nothing critical nutritionally.

Serve tinier portions of simpler foods that require little to no prep. Just little things to pick and try from. Bits of fruit and cheese, peas, crackers, etc, so she can grab and play with without you holding the spoon. As long as it's not a choking hazard.

With soups, purees and such, what she doesn't eat, store away in a little container and give again the following day. Don't throw the stuff away after every meal !

See it as shared responsibilities : you're responsible for providing the food, she's responsible for what and how much of it she eats. It really doesn't matter if it's just a bite.

As for the mess and cleaning, you can get one of those plastic bibs with sleeves. I just ran it under the shower after to get the gross bits off and that was good enough for me. My son's nanny was laying a plastic cloth piece on the floor and rinsing it after.

Seriously though, I get how it can be boring and annoying. Best advice I can give you is to not strongarm your child into eating/trying. Let her deal with the actual eating part.

my daughter basically just eats plain porridge, cheese toasties, cheesy pasta and all the fruits she can get - I plugged her diet into my fitness pal for a week and tbh her nutritional input was ok, it really put my mind at ease! we do have brown bread and brown pasta, and try to go low sugar and salt on things.
altho - she used to eat baked beans as an easy lunch, then I gave her the low sugar version and now she hates them! won't touch a bean if you paid her 😭😭
youre doing fine OP, like my mum says, the guilt never stops as a parent :)

I remember feeling the same way op. The mess and waste was awful. In the end I fed them the same as us (it meant no salt added during cooking but it was a small price to pay) which meant less work overall. It does get better but at the time it’s relentless. All I can say is try to let it wash over you (literally in some cases) and know that it will end eventually.

Cleaning up the high chair multiple times a day kills me

BUT I always give my 1 (and 4 year old) what I’m eating (or a version of) cause at least then I know one of us will eat it and I’m not cooking multiple things all the time. Think it sets the tone for family meal times nicely too. Does mean I eat dinner every night by 6 though 😂

Mines the same. I don’t look at any of the instamum shit now because I just feel like I’m doing it all wrong. Lots of us feel like this I think.

The grannies knew what they were doing, just feeding them mush and then at 1, just mashing up normal food and scooping it in

I hope for young mothers everywhere that the fad of baby led weaning disappears again soon.

My cousin had her baby over and he just threw food everywhere for an hour, it was chaos (the dogs loved it though)

@cruffin

I tried to do everything right and followed the how to wean your baby, started with veg blah blah blah. All she wants to eat is cheese and fruit and toast.

Sounds fine to me. My son was early 2 before he could cope with anything lumpy. I wondered if he would ever learn to chew. He threw up so often, it was good we have tiles in our kitchen/dining area and no carpet!

Feeding infants is impossibly tedious, from trying to establish breastfeeding (or having to sort out bottles). But it does not last. It will pass. My son magically ate lumpy things 3 weeks before his second birthday and he never threw food around. I have to confess I did just give him stuff I knew he could and would eat. And yes he's quite fussy now but so am I and I was a child of the eat everything on your plate 1970s - I don't think it makes a difference.

I wonder whether a change in perspective might help. I always find it odd when people say they’re feeding their children. I prepare a meal, yes, but then it’s my DC who eat (or don’t eat) it. The onus isn’t on you to do something to them. You can’t make children eat. My children can be fussy and refuse food but they won’t starve themselves to death. So I let them get on with it, and it’s on them. No power struggles, no angst. I don’t mean that in some sort of hard core authoritarian way. Just in a ‘it’s not a thing’ way, if that makes sense? Might help.

What worked for mine was scooping in food (lots of mashed potato, mashed veg) whilst they held a floret of cooked broccoli to occasionally munch on. A sort of hybrid form of self-feeding, and parent-feeding

My parents put a plastic sheet under my high chair and would hose it off, and we ate what they ate. I found from feeding niece/nephew, the more relaxed and less attention I gave to what they were eating, the more they would eat. Also never to take away the bag of dried Cheerios from my nephew or there would be h* to pay. Good luck!

I just worry if I only give her what she wants she will have a diet that's too limited, everything you read says how important it is to expose baby to new flavours, textures etc.

My DD is 20 months and has been ill. For the last few weeks she refuses almost all foods. Everyday I make her 3 healthy meals with food that she used to eat, she just plays with it. I am throwing away so much food and I’m getting desperate for her to eat anything.

This drives my husband up the wall. He doesn’t like to waste food. And he doesn’t like bad table manners. It took some time for him to realize that toddlers need to play with their food before they eat it and that exposure to food is still important even if a disheartening quantity ends up on the floor. My philosophy is that it’s my responsibility to provide my 2year with a balanced diet, and if he doesn’t eat the dinner in front of him, he’s probably not that hungry. I have foods that I’m prepared to offer in whatever quantity my kid wants - wholemeal bread, plain yogurt, fruit. And things that I limit like chocolate and biscuits. Overall I think it works out fine and his diet is ok. Some days he lives off of apple compote and toast. And sometimes he will eat a huge plate of chilli or spaghetti bolonese packed with minced beef and vegetables.

I can relate to this so so much. Eldest has been a particularly picky eater and like you, I followed all the advice with weaning, let her feed herself so she could judge when she was full, introduced it all in the right order, ate broadly same meal as her. Also spent hours in the kitchen making so many lovely home made, healthy snacks for her to graze on which were mostly untouched. She just did not get on with food and preferred milk for a long time.

Every mealtime was exhausting trying to get her to eat; I either spent ages trying to get her to have something without spitting out/throwing on the floor etc or I left her to it, had a huge mess and an extremely grumpy and irritable child because she had not eaten well. I just could not win! I tried following the approach dieticians recommend where we decide what to offer, they decide what to eat and she hardly ate and was grumpy (we persevered for several months when she was around 2).

All I can say is it does improve, I can't put my finger on exactly when, certainly did not happen overnight, but she is 5 and much much better. Now in school and actually trying new foods - my jaw drops when she happily tells me what she enjoyed eating. Meal times can be a bit tiring at home but nothing like they were

OP you can mix up foods you know she’ll eat with new things to try. So plain pasta plus a little piece of salmon plus broccoli and don’t worry about it if she only eats the pasta. Or toast for breakfast but new vegetable to try for snacktime. Favourite dinner then new taste to try for dessert. New tastes can also be things you’re eating but that yoy haven’t put on their plate.