Dating when female and tallish is hard

[AprilKepner1987]

I'm 5ft9. Not super tall but not short either. I don't ask men about their height before I go on a date with them because I don't really care, but weirdly I've developed my own insecurities around being fairly tall. I always find it awkward going on a date with a guy even slightly smaller than me, not because I give a shit (really, I don't) but because I feel like they might not be attracted to ME. I feel like men tend to like shorter women and I'm suddenly all insecure about it. AIBU? I should just embrace my height. Essentially, I have a date on weds with a guy I've never met before and I KNOW he's shorter than me and I feel unattractive and nervous about it. Help!!!

I'm not in your shoes, but I can tell you that shorter men regularly have the problem that women won't date them because they are taller and find shorter men unattractive.

The bloke will be very happy that you do not feel that way! Go and just be your best beautiful, tall self and all will be fine.

My loveliest friend who swore she’d never date shorter than her is married with two kids. He is visibly shorter. Neither of them give a fuck. Have fun! None of this matters when you are lying down ;)

Would it be easier to set W minimum height requirement? I don’t think there is anything wrong with that and might be easier all round. I think than men generally do prefer to be taller than women they date, the opposite tends to be true as well.

I am about a half inch shorter than you, so I do have experience similar to yours. Whilst I have been taller than a clear majority of women I have ever come across, I have generally never found there to be a shortage of men that are taller than myself. That said, I ended up marrying one that is about the same height as me. 🙂

I think that men generally do prefer to be taller than women they dat

I think it's understandable you might have this worry, but the point of dating is to figure out if you like someone else... don't waste your energy worrying if they like you back... that's their job to worry about. Just focus on getting to know them and seeing what you think of them.

I’m 5’11 and when I was single I never had any issues with my height. In fact, it acted as an excellent insecure sexist dickhead filter. If a man had an issue with my height I knew he wasn’t worth my time. Only real men who didn’t have issues about my height need apply.

I’m 5 foot 7 my late dh was 5 foot 4, both of us didn’t give a shit.

I find men my height and shorter incredibly attractive.

An ex of mine was also an inch shorter than me, he didn’t care either

What I’ve noticed is if you are confident and don’t bang on about your height and this goes for women as well as men then you will come across as more attractive anyway.

I'm 5ft11 and I used to swan around London claiming I could simply never date a man shorter than me. Dated a series of colossal bores who were all well over 6ft.

Until, um, I met the love of my life. He's 5ft8, gorgeous, clever, funny and self-assured. It never bothered him. Reader, I married him, and now he says that walking into a room with his tall, beautiful () wife makes him feel like a million dollars.

It just doesn't matter at all when it's the right person. Plenty of men love taller women. It's all in the confidence.

I remember feeling exactly the same as you describe and I used to hunch and feel awkward right at the beginning but just go on your date with a spring in your step and have fun! It could be the first day of the rest of your life...

I’m the same height as you op and I agree with pp it’s a dickhead filter. It’s sexist stereotyping crap that a woman needs a taller man, presumably to protect her?

Anyway, you don’t care and hopefully your date won’t either.

@Givemecoffeeplease Maybe I'm your friend, haha!

I’m the same height and know what you mean. I was dumped and had my heart broken for being ‘too tall’

I’m 5ft8, so not tall tall, but I used to feel self-conscious about dating shorter men. I don’t know why, I just assumed they’d see me as being unfeminine. But then I got chatted up in a bar by some 5ft4 bloke who was hilarious, cocky, and gave me the best sex I’d ever had up to that point, so since then I’ve seen the charm of short guys! I then had a long relationship with a guy the same height as me, and it was an excellent excuse to always wear flats.

I’m 5 7 and had relationships with men ranging 5 ft 6 to 6 ft 3. I don’t understand why anyone cares about height. In fact I prefer under 6 ft because you don’t have to look up at them.
Is it not hard enough to find a partner without excluding people for being a bit shorter than you?

Again I think it’s one of those things that has been influenced by the movies. It’s seen as romantic for a man to lift a woman in his arms and carry her off. Even marriage traditionally includes carrying the woman over the threshold. Not saying short men can’t do that but it doesn’t look the same.

I feel your pain. I’m a smidge under your height and I do feel unfeminine next to a shorter man. Like you, it’s not their height that bothers me, but my own. Add to that I have long arms and big feet. Which only serve to make me feel even more of a big lump!

Whenever I hear women who hit the lower end of 5ft claiming they’ll only date 6ft plus I do get a bit annoyed inside and think “leave them for us that need them!”. But I am aware it’s my own insecurity talking.

I’ve had the opposite problem. I’m 5’ 11” and found that lots of men practically fetishised my height.

My DP is the same height as me - 5ft 5". We find it works. I tell him he's the right shape and size for cuddles.

My husband is short and before me he had some taller, gorgeous girlfriends.

He's self confident and if I may say so sexy and lovely.

As a pp said, think of it as your dickhead filter

I'm 6ft1, so very tall for a female. Never had an issue with anyone saying I'm too tall (not to my face anyway!) Guys I've dated have always loved having a tall girlfriend and my husband likes having a tall wife

I love having the "dickhead filter" of height!

I also have a big birthmark on my shoulder that I rarely even remember I have, but if it's put off some dickheads over the years then that's no loss.

I am also 5 foot 9 and I would say it definitely is 'averagely tall' as you say - not even note-worthy really. I doubt it's a factor for any of the men you've been on dates with.

6ft 3 here and any man who had a problem thankfully never asked me out. Their loss. Hubs is shorter and doesnt care.

5ft 9 isn’t that tall these days. My DD is nearly 6ft.

I'm 5ft10 and slightly taller than dh.I was married once before and I've had lots of relationships and flings in my 41 years.Ive never found my height to be a problem ever.

I'm 5'10 and have never really had problems dating. I really don't mean for it to sound egotistical but that's just my experience. Most of my partners have actually been a couple of inches shorter than me and its never been a problem to them.

I'm the same height as you, I loved dating men the same height or shorter, some have the whole angry short man thing going on but lots are funny/considerate/witty because some women just point blank won't date shorter than they are so they develop the additional skills.... Also never had to wear heels. To be fair I still don't and DH is 6'4

I'm 5ft 10 and only had one boyfriend have a problem with it. I can't help but feel like Big Bird sometimes 😂 but at 49 I'm passed giving a shit.