Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Dating when female and tallish is hard

86 replies

AprilKepner1987 · 22/11/2021 17:29

I'm 5ft9. Not super tall but not short either. I don't ask men about their height before I go on a date with them because I don't really care, but weirdly I've developed my own insecurities around being fairly tall. I always find it awkward going on a date with a guy even slightly smaller than me, not because I give a shit (really, I don't) but because I feel like they might not be attracted to ME. I feel like men tend to like shorter women and I'm suddenly all insecure about it. AIBU? I should just embrace my height. Essentially, I have a date on weds with a guy I've never met before and I KNOW he's shorter than me and I feel unattractive and nervous about it. Help!!!

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 22/11/2021 21:54

I bet you have legs for days.

SockFluffInTheBath · 22/11/2021 21:57

Not sure why you feel unattractive going on a date with a shorter man? I’m a smidge taller than you OP and it never bothered me, never had a shortage of offers, dated blokes my height, taller, and a little shorter. I once turned down a man who was a good 8” shorter but it was because he was twice my age! DH is about 6” taller than me so he’s still taller when I’m in heels. We do get some looks though

ChinstrapBobblehat · 22/11/2021 21:58

@Iheartbaby

Can I ask other tall woman, if you can remember how tall you were when you were age 11 or 12 ?

Weirdly I was quite little - 4’10 ish - at that age. But a full foot taller by the time I turned 15. My sister was noticeably tall, though, from a young age - much taller than her classmates by age 8 or 9 - and was 6 ft by 16 and probably more self conscious growing up as a result.

Being surrounded by 6 ft + women I’ve always felt my height was pretty average and I’ve never been bothered by it. My sister is very confident and happy in her own skin, but our mum was much more insecure. She always felt ungainly and unattractive because of her height, but that was partly driven by personality and partly by unfortunate timing. Back in the 50s it was more unusual for women to be very tall, and in the 70s and 80s people (particularly men) didn’t hold back on the twatty remarks, and she was often really upset by the comments of total strangers. It’s easier nowadays as I think people are taller in general and it’s much less noteworthy.

Chely · 22/11/2021 22:09

Only a big deal if you allow it to be.

I'm 5ft 8, I was involved with shorter and taller men before meeting dh. Dh was the same height as me when we met but wasn't done growing so now a little taller.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 22/11/2021 22:21

There’s short and there’s short though isn’t there. Obviously looks are only part of the parcel but I’ve dated a guy who was 5’ 7” who looked after himself and had a lovely bod from lots of sport…and one who was 5’7” and who’d abused his body with drugs, alcohol and binge eating and as a result looked like a saggy balloon with twigs sticking out of it and brown teeth.
Guess which one was convinced I wasn’t attracted to him because of his height?!

ThanksItHasPockets · 22/11/2021 22:24

I'm 6', OP. You've internalised the idea that femininity equates to being small, as if taking up less space made you more of a woman. I highly recommend strength training as a way to get over it.

Understatedcarriage · 22/11/2021 22:27

Thank you for posting this. I sometimes feel unattractive with shorter guys (or the same height) but know that this is mostly in my head! (I'm about 5 ft 8 and a half btw) I think it's partly what you see in films etc. but isn't really important.

MsTSwift · 22/11/2021 22:28

I thought men were supposed to seek out tall women so they have taller sons or something

Notashandyta · 22/11/2021 22:34

5.10" here. Husband 5.9".

I found lots of men are drawn to height especially if you hold up straight and walk tall. Head turner!

MrzClaus · 22/11/2021 22:35

I'm 6"2 and I felt the exact same way OP! I did end up putting my height in most of my profiles - men either didn't believe it, or saw it as a challenge to convert me to shorter men!

IMO I was the only person who had a problem with my height, I thought it made me less dainty, more of a lumbering lump (I was a size 12 at this point so definitely not a lump!) and unattractive. My DH said when he first saw me he thought I was a long legged goddess - I have never ever felt like that in my life 😂

I spent so many years subscribing to the idea that a "beautiful" woman was small, delicate, dainty, etc etc all of these things I never thought I was. It turns out that being beautiful is way more subjective than my teenage / younger 20s self thought! It took a lot of reprogramming, a loving DP and several of my shorter friends telling me they'd always dreamed of long legs to turn me around.

If the guy you've got a date with makes you feel unattractive, that's his issue. If he's the right one he'll worship you whether you're 4"2 or 6"8!

OldTinHat · 22/11/2021 22:42

I'm 5'8" and when I go on dates I wear the highest heels I can walk in. Personally, I don't like to be taller than my date and if I'm 5'10" in heels and he's below my shoulder it's a no go. Yes shallow I guess but that's my preference. No judgement from me OP.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 23/11/2021 10:08

Both teen daughters are 5’10 and probably not finished yet. As their parents have a combined height of well over twelve foot, it was always on the cards.

When they started to grow, they weren’t happy about it (“…OMG! When’s it going to stop?…”) but as they’ve got older they’re less self-conscious and more self-confident.

But we did notice some hunching and trying to look smaller for a while, and there was conversation about how their height severely reduced the pool of potential boyfriends - though they were never clear whether that was because they thought boys wouldn’t want to date taller girls or that they wouldn’t want to date shorter boys. Neither of which makes sense, as we told them.

I do think tall women get some grief though, because of (as a PP said) the societal notion that women should be ‘dainty’. That’s a horrible word, isn’t it? It smacks of embroidery and Beatrix Potter mice.

Fuck that. Stand up, stride out and never crouch except on the top deck of buses.

AlbertBridge · 23/11/2021 10:14

Watch a few series of Americas Next Top Model (currently my binge obsession) and you'll soon love your height! Then walk into a date like you're strutting to the death on the runway challenge.

BarkminsterBlue · 23/11/2021 10:26

This thread just shows how arbitrary perceptions of height are - a PP who's universally described as tall at 5ft 6 1/2?!

I'm 6' and work with young people. I've really noticed how much taller girls are getting and it's unusual for me to be the tallest person in a room by much, if at all, these days. As a PP has said, spend five minutes thinking about how fucked up it is that the supposed ideal of femininity means being tiny, weighing very little, taking up very little space, being vulnerable and weak, and I think you will start to re-evaluate your relationship with your height.

LeicesterIntheMorning · 23/11/2021 10:26

I am only 5.1" so I don't think I have ever come across a shorter man than me. On the whole, I feel attracted to tall men (DH is 6.2"), but I like to believe that if I was single, I'd be attracted to the whole person, and not put barriers because of height. I sometimes wonder if this is naïve of me to think, as it's unlikely I'll ever be in that position (because of my height).

Two of my best friends are 6" and will not consider dating a man that's shorter than them. I feel this is a bit shallow but at the same time, there needs to be an attraction there for a relationship to develop.

For example on the fact of it, I don't feel particularly attracted to bold men, but I know that I could 100% fall in love with one if he was the right person. Does that make any sense?

GiantHaystacks2021 · 23/11/2021 10:44

YANBU.
Generally I find the taller the man, the shorter they woman they are after.
Seen plenty of 6'4" guys with 5'4" (or shorter) women.

OatALot · 23/11/2021 10:57

As a PP has said, spend five minutes thinking about how fucked up it is that the supposed ideal of femininity means being tiny, weighing very little, taking up very little space, being vulnerable and weak, and I think you will start to re-evaluate your relationship with your height

Strange isn't it that some tall females worry about men not liking them because they don't fit a feminine stereotype, while as someone very petite, I have to fight to prove I'm not vulnerable and weak, and that I don't need looking after, and that I am capable. Stereotypes are harmful.

RogueHair · 23/11/2021 11:01

I’m 5’9” too. When I was a teen(about 5’7”)I guess I felt more self conscious but as I grew older and had lots of male attention, it didn’t bother me and was more of a positive. I was slim though. I haven’t had issues with dating, so not sure 5’9” is that tall for a woman. For the record, I’m attracted to tall men and only date men over 6ft. DP is 6’3”.

Coolwaterscoolcool · 23/11/2021 11:01

I’m 6ft and have dated guys taller and shorter than me - height is an excellent dickhead filter as PP said.

Heights not something you can change so I say embrace being tall and don’t let anyone make you feel like you can’t wear the 5inch heels (if you want to)! 😊

CactusLemonSpice · 23/11/2021 11:13

I am 6ft and think it's a good dickhead filter, too.

Would you really ever want to date someone who wishes you were smaller? Someone with boring, conventional ideas about what women should be?

It sounds like you've internalised that nonsense a bit.

I've dated people from 5'5 to 6'5. Just go for people you like, they might well like you too.

And no, I'm not a willowy supermodel, either

MaskingForIt · 23/11/2021 11:26

@Libertaire

I’m 5’11 and when I was single I never had any issues with my height. In fact, it acted as an excellent insecure sexist dickhead filter. If a man had an issue with my height I knew he wasn’t worth my time. Only real men who didn’t have issues about my height need apply.

Ditto!

Same height, happily married to a short-arse!

WeLovetoBoogieonaSaturdayNight · 23/11/2021 11:29

@Iheartbaby

Can I ask other tall woman, if you can remember how tall you were when you were age 11 or 12 ?

I'm not tall, but my Mum was 5'8" at 11 years old. She remembers being very upset one time, when she was refused the child-rate admittance at the cinema.

Oneforthemoneytwo · 23/11/2021 11:38

I’m 5ft 8 size 10 and feel like a big elephant next to shorter men. My partner is 5ft 10 and Even though it’s a small difference I feel so much more comfortable next to him than I did with shorter men

MotherOfAllZipFiles · 23/11/2021 12:07

I'm 5ft 10 and i have always loved being tall ( if thats classed as tall these days)
It was only a problem really when i was younger and well fitting clothes were alot harder to find, thankfully that's not an issue these days

I have had men call me 'intimidating' but my response has always been "thank you very much " and tbh I have always felt uncomfortable in how some men treat petite women in a child like manner.

My DH is 5ft 11 but its never been a problem

Greenhand · 23/11/2021 12:08

@GiantHaystacks2021

YANBU. Generally I find the taller the man, the shorter they woman they are after. Seen plenty of 6'4" guys with 5'4" (or shorter) women.

Me too. I knew someone that was a touch under 7ft and all his partners were under 5'2.

Flip

1 2 3 4