Or is this strange - PIL family photos

[Amelion]

So we’re low contact with PIL for good reasons. Maybe see them once or twice a year.

DH’s other siblings are the same - they all see their parents minimally.

We went to theirs recently and I saw on their mantelpiece, shelves etc lots of pictures of us that they’d got from social media. They’ve gone on to our social media and printed out photos to frame and put up.

If you went to their house you’d think they’d been there for all of those things - holidays, Christmas etc and taken the photos of us. But they haven’t been because they’re so incredibly difficult.

Part of me feels that they do it so any causal observer who comes into the house thinks they’re ‘normal’ nice parents who see their kids and grandkids and spend time with them.

I also felt a bit sad that they haven’t been there for all those things and they’ve missed out on so much.

But am I unreasonable to think it’s strange and a little creepy to print out people’s social media photos and frame them?

YANBU. Its weird

Could it be that despite their behaviour they do actually miss everyone?

I guess the reality of social media is that anyone who's able to access your profile can do this... But yeah it's creepy af, especially when when you're all having minimal contact.

If you are not sending them photos what else can they do? Sounds sad.

It's strange but perhaps they love all of you and want to display your photos as they don't see you often.

YANBU, both sad and a bit disturbing.

But what are the good reasons for LC?

Just very sad.

It may be strange, but at the same time if they are missing out on these things perhaps it’s one of the few ways they can still feel as close as they possibly can, by surrounding themselves by photos of good times you guys are having. Not questioning your decision to be LC, it could be very valid. But it doesn’t mean that they stop caring in their own way about their DC/ DGC.

I don’t think it’s necessarily creepy because of their age and potential lack of understanding of social media! They might genuinely think that because these photos appear on their screens they are acting completely normally in printing them out. One thing to consider is that if they found you annoying or disliked you, it’s unlikely that they would have photos of you displayed. Sounds like a very sad misunderstanding and maybe clashing personalities?

i actually don't think it's that odd at all. I mean, it may be because they love you guys (in their own way) and you don't send pictures so they download them off social media. Or it might be that they are weird narcissists, in which case downloading these pictures to demonstrate their love/involvement is totally in line with that.

Sounds like they want to appear they’re closer with you than they are

It’s not creepy. They’re printing and displaying photos of their closest family, not random Social media contacts. Yes it’s a bit unusual and yes it’s a bit sad but it’s not creepy or ‘wrong’.

My mum and PIL both do this with our pictures, we are close but live far away and see them minimal (not through choice) so maybe it's different but I don't find printing our pictures odd

YABU. You have minimal contact and they want pictures of their family, where else are they supposed to get them? OK you could try to get them done for breach of copyright, technically they can't reproduce images they don't have the right to, but I think you'd be laughed out of court because the judge would just see them as wanting a few photographs of their family. Plus I don't know what financial damages you'd be able to claim as reasonable.

I think this is incredibly sad. Photos are more likely for them than to manipulate the beliefs of random visitors.

I’m pulled between feeling it’s sad and feeling it’s for show considering there are good reasons for minimal contact

Take measures to ensure they can't spy on you op!!. Creepy and intrusive imo.

I think it’s sad.

None of the kids, for whatever reason what’s relationship with them, they don’t see grandkids

How else are they supposed to feel part of the family

Took my mum aaaages to understand that I wasn't 'sending' her photos on Instagram. 'Why have you sent me a picture of your dinner?' 'I haven't mum, it's on my story, just move past if you're not interested' etc etc.

Could be they think the same - that you are actively sharing these snaps with them if they are on SM? Especially if no one really speaks to them to explain these things.

My PILs are also extreme photo printers and it makes me laugh to see what makes the cut to be displayed in their house. Maybe just roll with it.

Creepy, I'd be changing my privacy settings and going no contact.

I am absolutely not asking you to explain yourself but I guess it could be an outcome of the LC.

I think yabu. You’re choosing to display your images online. Once an image is out there, it is no longer under your control. You are presuming this is for other people. Perhaps it is for them. Even weird, controlling people (if this is what they are to you) have the capacity to love their family at some level.

YANBU. I think until you’re in this/a similar situation then it’s hard to comment. We are LC with the in-laws due to their awful behaviour and they also use photos of us from social media. I realised the other day that they must have asked mutual friends to send them photos from social media as they are blocked on mine and DH’s accounts and the photos they have printed are recent. Knowing my FIL, for whom appearances are very important, a lot of this will be so that visitors to their home do not suspect that they only have supervised contact with their grandchildren once or twice a year.

I am sure you have valid reasons for limited contact but I would imagine this is the reason behind it. They are excluded from all normal parent/grandparent events so make the most of the access they do have and that access is via social media.

I think it's rather sad.

It very much sounds as though they'd love to be far more involved with family but don't know how to behave properly.

Or they might be being very manipulative (of their friends and acquaintances) and doing it purely for show.