Or is this strange - PIL family photos

[Amelion]

So we’re low contact with PIL for good reasons. Maybe see them once or twice a year.

DH’s other siblings are the same - they all see their parents minimally.

We went to theirs recently and I saw on their mantelpiece, shelves etc lots of pictures of us that they’d got from social media. They’ve gone on to our social media and printed out photos to frame and put up.

If you went to their house you’d think they’d been there for all of those things - holidays, Christmas etc and taken the photos of us. But they haven’t been because they’re so incredibly difficult.

Part of me feels that they do it so any causal observer who comes into the house thinks they’re ‘normal’ nice parents who see their kids and grandkids and spend time with them.

I also felt a bit sad that they haven’t been there for all those things and they’ve missed out on so much.

But am I unreasonable to think it’s strange and a little creepy to print out people’s social media photos and frame them?

If youre minimal contact for good reason why do they still haccess to your social media? Why not just block access to certain posts or block them?

One of the reasons I came off social media was this. We have similar issues in the wider family and the same thing was happening. From the outside I can see they don’t see the harm in it and I can also see how others may feel they aren’t doing anything wrong (especially if they haven’t experienced family dysfunction). But I think being on the receiving end of it, it is extremely creepy so I completely understand how you feel. I think it is partially a keeping up appearances thing, but I also think there is an element of control involved in it. It’s like a message that you can’t escape from them even if you want to.

Do you think that they like the photos they have put up?

If they like the photos, maybe that’s why they put them up.

I don't find it creepy, a little sad though given the LC situation.
My parents have pictures framed from my social media, no backstory, I just live several thousand miles from them.

But the OP does have a backstory.

I’d adjust my social media security settings so they didn’t see the photos.

But I also feel there is an element of ‘keeping up appearances’ for their friends/neighbours who come in to their home.

That's probably very much part of it. My father used to trawl social media looking for photos of his children and grandchildren, even though he hadn't seen any of us for many years and had never met any of his grandchildren.

We only realised after he died how leaky one relative was as he had a few odd photos that we couldn't work out how he got, then realised he had every photo ever taken at a certain relatives occasions (their wedding, their children's christenings etc).

My parents had to do this for their grand daughter. As my arse of a brother won't send them any or invite them to things.

@Shoxfordian

Sounds like they want to appear they’re closer with you than they are

Sounds like they want to BE closer to OP than they are.

I find it really sad actually. They might be crap parents, but still.

Ah. Sorry. Missed your update, OP.

It does put another perspective on it.

I appreciate I know nothing about them or your situation, but it just sounds very sad to me.

I appreciate I know nothing about them or your situation, but it just sounds very sad to me.

Did you read the OP's post about why they are LC?
in a nutshell, issues around bullying and controlling behaviour, alcohol abuse, sexism, racism and xenophobia. DH and his brother have both seen therapists because of issues stemming from their parents.

But somehow it's sad they don't have a glowing and happy relationship with their children and grandkids?

It was probably sadder for the OP's DH and his brother needing therapy from having shitty parents.

@SleepingStandingUp

Could it be that despite their behaviour they do actually miss everyone?

I agree,they clearly miss and love you of they have done this.

**if

@JustLyra

I appreciate I know nothing about them or your situation, but it just sounds very sad to me.

Did you read the OP's post about why they are LC?
in a nutshell, issues around bullying and controlling behaviour, alcohol abuse, sexism, racism and xenophobia. DH and his brother have both seen therapists because of issues stemming from their parents.

But somehow it's sad they don't have a glowing and happy relationship with their children and grandkids?

It was probably sadder for the OP's DH and his brother needing therapy from having shitty parents.

I missed ops response about the reasons why. Sometimes that happens on here...is that ok?

I missed ops response about the reasons why. Sometimes that happens on here...is that ok?

And sometimes people reply to what you write and can't read your mind to know that you've missed one of the OP's 2 posts...

Could well be to manipulate and create the image all is well …I obviously don’t know them but you do.

Is this likely ?

All sounds very sad to me

I can actually imagine my (very strange, low contact) dad doing this. He likes the idea of us but in person he'd rather be on his laptop or asleep or being downright disinterested. He probably tells people about his lovely kids and grandchildren and can see the pics online are well composed with everyone in them and smiling which he can never achieve with his camera when he's here as no one wants to be near him and forced to grimace for a photo.

Nowt as queer as folk

It's not as creepy as going to my mil's friend's house (who I had never met until that day) and finding a picture of my baby in a frame on her hall table apparently she just liked the picture and took a copy off mil's computer

At least your pils have some claim to pictures of their ds!

But yes op they want to look like decent peoe to their friends and perhaps be part of the family to my fil did similar, DH and he never had a good relationship and yet to go round his you'd think he was a proper family man with pictures of DH and the kids all over the place!

My mil reposts pictures of my children from social media as though she was there, I find it a bit odd and uncomfortable but she has a lot of issues and it's the tip of the iceberg so roll my eyes inwardly and ignore.

Thanks all. Good to get some different perspectives.

I do find it sad, I think there’s an element of they wish they were more involved and miss everyone. However the onus is on them to change and build better relationships with their kids - and so far they haven’t made any effort to. I don’t feel sorry for them - they’ve brought it on themselves - but I do feel it’s a sad situation all round.