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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit wtf at this home bargains christmas jumper?

341 replies

Effinell · 21/11/2021 18:33

I seen this when I was in store today and it just didn't sit right with me. I do have a neurodiverse DD so that might be colouring my view slightly.

To be a bit wtf at this home bargains christmas jumper?
OP posts:
Saladcreamormayo · 21/11/2021 20:07

oh ffs why do people have to be so offended by everything these days. Its just a bit of humour and clearly the snowman is melting down and the jumper is for an adult not a child. perhaps a snowflake on a Christmas jumper will be more suitable for you.

Porcupineintherough · 21/11/2021 20:09

@nohouseyet

The word ‘meltdown’ isn’t exclusive to those with autism even though it’s common in that context.
^^This cannot be stressed enough. There's no point appropriating a word in common usage then getting an arse on because other people keep on using it.
EdgeOfTheSky · 21/11/2021 20:10

Didn’t the phrase originate as a term for a disaster in a nuclear reactor when it overheats and melts itself?

I have always understood it to be a metaphor for any out of control collapsing sort of situation, and seen it used to refer to everything from financial collapse to human behaviour.

I am aware that it is used to describe a major crisis or overload for an autistic person but never thought it exclusive to autism or a replacement for any technical term for a neuro-diverse incident.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 21/11/2021 20:12

This is absurd. The term meltdown predates modern autism lingo and is not owned by ND communities.
I say that as someone who is autistic, the daughter of someone who is autistic with a daughter who is also autistic.
I would think it a tacky jumper but not because of the word meltdown.
Finding offence here is nuts imo (now come pile on at my use of the word nuts)

NatriumChloride · 21/11/2021 20:14

@zurala

Not just you op but a lot of people in here are very ableist, perhaps without realising. It's an awful jumper that makes light of being autistic.
Really? So only autistic people can have meltdowns? This is really silly. Hmm
Raindancer411 · 21/11/2021 20:15

When I look at it I just thought planning Christmas is the reason behind the snowman melting

CampagVelocet · 21/11/2021 20:16

@BurntO

Meltdown is not a medical term and does not exclusively exist for ND individuals
This. It's completely different from people flippantly saying 'a bit OCD' because obsessive compulsive disorder is a diagnosis. Meltdown is a term which can apply to NT people as well as ND people.
Darkpheonix · 21/11/2021 20:17

I remember a thread on here a while ago (a good few years) where the mother of an autistic child aimed meltdown was a medical term only to be used people who are ND.

Its absolutely not medical term. It has not been 'appropriated' by the NT community at all. It was common usage for a long time before it was used by the ND community.

I don't think it's good to peddle the myths of it being appropriated or a medical term only for the ND community. Because then offence is taken by people who believe those things are true, where there's no offence to be had. Why would anyone spread falsehoods, that would cause people to believe someone is being offensive?

Lovemusic33 · 21/11/2021 20:19

I agree with you OP. A meltdown is associated with Autism or ADHD. For those saying ‘there toddler have meltdowns’, toddlers have tantrums, there’s a huge difference 🤔. It kind of pisses me off when people say their child’s having a meltdown when in fact they are having a tantrum. The difference is…a tantrum is to get attention, someone having a meltdown is experiencing something totally different and they are not wanting attention, they are in sensory overload and trying to get away from a situation. So next time your child throws a tantrum because they don’t want to leave the park or because they want a toy in tesco, please don’t say ‘they are having a meltdown’.

I wouldn’t buy the Christmas jumper but each to their own.

MissKeithsNeice · 21/11/2021 20:23

Meltdown doesn't mean tantrum though?

Somebodylikeyew · 21/11/2021 20:23

The word meltdown predates it’s use by the autism/ND community. As has been said, it can refer to a nuclear event or any system being overwhelmed/overreacting and collapsing at its core so while i can entirely understand you using it, i do think you’re being unreasonable, sorry OP.

thisplaceisweird · 21/11/2021 20:25

@sonjadog

Is the expression "having a meltdown" particularly related to autism? I had no idea. I thought it was a widely used expression.
It 100% is... Reactor meltdown before it related to humans surely
EdgeOfTheSky · 21/11/2021 20:27

Actually @Lovemusic33 I don’t think a child / toddler’s tantrum is to get attention. I think it happens because they are not at a developmental stage to manage their emotional responses. And they are often quite frightened by the force of those emotions and feeling consumed by them.

yourestandingonmyneck · 21/11/2021 20:27

When I looked at the jumper before reading the thread the only thing I could think that could have caused offence was some sort of menopausal hot flush / meltdown.

saraclara · 21/11/2021 20:28

@Lovemusic33

I agree with you OP. A meltdown is associated with Autism or ADHD. For those saying ‘there toddler have meltdowns’, toddlers have tantrums, there’s a huge difference 🤔. It kind of pisses me off when people say their child’s having a meltdown when in fact they are having a tantrum. The difference is…a tantrum is to get attention, someone having a meltdown is experiencing something totally different and they are not wanting attention, they are in sensory overload and trying to get away from a situation. So next time your child throws a tantrum because they don’t want to leave the park or because they want a toy in tesco, please don’t say ‘they are having a meltdown’.

I wouldn’t buy the Christmas jumper but each to their own.

You're wrong. A tantrum is not to get attention. My younger child had tantrums for the same reason that ND children do. She'd be over-tired, overloaded and no longer able to cope. At between 2 and 3 years old, she had the same sort of response to life overloading her to a point that she couldn't manage, as the 5-8 year old (and older) severely autistic kids that I taught did.

There is absolutely no official definition of the word that applies only to ND children.
And again, until relatively recently, those of us working professionally with ND children would have used the term 'tantrum' for them too, in the knowledge that we didn't mean they were after attention at all.

The term meltdown started being used informally in our specialist school because parents started using it, maybe 10-12 years ago? But we still didn't use it professionally, and I still wouldn't use it in any kind of report or assessment on a child.

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/11/2021 20:28

It’s awful, a play on words that represents the distress of a child or adult with asd is not appropriate.

Sirzy · 21/11/2021 20:28

Ds is autistic and personally I don’t see a problem with it. It made me titter.

But that doesn’t make you wrong not to like it.

Darkpheonix · 21/11/2021 20:30

@MyDcAreMarvel

It’s awful, a play on words that represents the distress of a child or adult with asd is not appropriate.
That's not what the word means.
Wingingthis · 21/11/2021 20:34

A meltdown is v different from a tantrum. I worked with autistic children for years and I agree OP

Mandarinsatsuma · 21/11/2021 20:34

I agree with you. A proper meltdown is incredibly upsetting. People are just a bit ignorant, like how it would previously be seen as acceptable to have a tshirt saying "I'm mental."

They'd probably appreciate the feedback tbh.

saraclara · 21/11/2021 20:36

I do understand why parents and Autism groups found having a word other than tantrum to describe their children's reactions to sensory overload. It is actually helpful to distinguish them in some way from some kinds of tantrum.

But even the Autism groups now refer to 'an Autism meltdown' rather than just a meltdown. Because the word was around for decades before it was appropriated to describe a loss of control in a person with autism. And when you appropriate a word and it never makes the official dictionaries with your own definition, you can't prevent its expansion and growth into other areas.

Rachie1973 · 21/11/2021 20:45

@Lovemusic33

I agree with you OP. A meltdown is associated with Autism or ADHD. For those saying ‘there toddler have meltdowns’, toddlers have tantrums, there’s a huge difference 🤔. It kind of pisses me off when people say their child’s having a meltdown when in fact they are having a tantrum. The difference is…a tantrum is to get attention, someone having a meltdown is experiencing something totally different and they are not wanting attention, they are in sensory overload and trying to get away from a situation. So next time your child throws a tantrum because they don’t want to leave the park or because they want a toy in tesco, please don’t say ‘they are having a meltdown’.

I wouldn’t buy the Christmas jumper but each to their own.

This isn’t necessarily true. My toddler has a ‘meltdown’ when she’s emotionally overloaded and doesn’t know where to go with it. Attention is the last thing she wants! She wants space and to be left alone.
BiBabbles · 21/11/2021 20:45

I can get why some might dislike it even if I don't (I see it as a nice option for a seasonal jumper without it being specifically a Christmas one), but personally, I think pushing meltdown or overload to be a ND-only term falls too much into the social shift where people's distress is ignored without a diagnosis, and even then it's often not enough so there is sometimes a push for more diagnosis until we've 'enough' to be taken seriously. NT people can get overloaded or 'meltdown' - there is research on it particularly in relation to during and after trauma and as emotional vocabulary, it's a useful term, just like anxious doesn't always mean medical anxiety but can just mean really nervous or just those physical sensations while still processing the feeling.

so now, the neurodiverse community have no language that expresses the biological phenomena that they actually experience during a “meltdown”

I've always used overloaded - because that's what it feels like physically to me, that my senses are too overloaded for my brain to process. If it's sudden, I might use set off. Those might be an Americanism or just older language though, as that was the language used by professionals helping me when I was a kid. I've only heard meltdown used in that way in the last decade or so (and at first more by parents than ND people). I actually don't really 'get' the meltdown as a metaphor for what's going on for me.

Toddlers having "tantrums" are also often overloaded as they're still building their capacity to process. Same with teenagers as they rebuild. I've use that language as I was taught with my kids, whether they're ND or NT. I thought it followed the whole 'vital for some, valuable for all' concept that is often an important part of inclusive activism.

Darkpheonix · 21/11/2021 20:45

What exactly is a 'property meltdown'?

Because a a nueat meltdown is a 'proper meltdown'

There's definitely a difference between a tantrum because the toddler has to leave the park and an autistic meltdown.

But toddlers who are distressed aren't always just having a 'tantrum' either.

SpringCrocus · 21/11/2021 20:46

I have two ND (adult) children, I think the jumper is horrible, for all the reasons pp have said.

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