I’ve missed out on so much-men wise

[Pissingitdown]

Met dh at 17, had lots of flirty fun before that and slept with only one person, then Dh. Over the years until around 26, we were off and on sometimes and had a difficult, quite intense relationship. I slept with 3 more men in that time (when we weren’t together) not really one night stands, but also not properly relationships.
I’m now early 40’s and wonder how much I’ve really missed out on in life, having not been in more than one relationship all my life.
I also wonder about other men and how good sex may have been and how I might not really have experienced anything.

Aibu to feel that I may have missed out? Or is there not really that much to have missed out on…if that makes sense?

Does anyone feel the same as me at this age?

I feel all my hot body years and previous fairly good looks have gone. All those beautiful guys I missed out on 🤷🏻‍♀️

*Proper relationships

I think it is sad that you feel like that, and perhaps you feel there is something lacking in your relationship?? Everyone is different.. I met my DH at 14 and have never been intimate with anyone else but he still makes me flutter and I'm very attracted to him after 32 or so years! I know that is not the norm, but equally you are not inexperienced in terms of other men so 🤷

I honestly don’t think you’ve missed out on much. I had ‘fun’ when I was younger, and when I look back I wish I hadn’t slept with some of the guys I did. The one night stands I had were at best, average.

Honestly, I would project these feelings back into your own marriage and try some new things with your DH, if you’re still happy in your relationship and these feelings are just on the surface, not deeper.

Are you happy in the relationship you're in and with the sex you're having? It's sounds like you're not if you feel like there are things you've missed out on experiencing. Is whatever's wrong in your relationship fixable? Or have you just got FOMO? If you're in a perfectly happy, loving relationship then I would stop worrying that the grass may be greener elsewhere, if you're not then you should consider if it can be worked on or if it's always going to make you unhappy.

I don’t think you’re missing out! I slept with loads of people when younger and I really regret it, wish I hadn’t, the only person I don’t regret is my ex, I’ve now been single for 5 years and haven’t had any sex at all, the thought of having casual sex with men I don’t care about or don’t care about me makes me feel sick tbh though I realise everyone is different but I don’t feel like I’m missing anything.

I had lots of "fun" and a handful of serious relationships before I met my DH. I'm glad they happened because they were part of my story and growth therefore leading me to my current life, but I'd trade it all in a heartbeat for more years with DH

I’m not unhappy, but I’m wondering if I did miss out on a few more flings or actually relationships and if that would have enriched my life. Nearly all my friends have a much higher number, back mainly from being number and 5 seems so small in comparison

I guess I wonder about all the different lives I could have lived, if that makes sense?

*Being younger

17 was very young to settle down

Thinking of my Dd, I wouldn’t want that for her, I’d want her to live a little first, ideally 30 plus before settling

I think most people could look back on their years and choices they’ve made and wonder what different paths they could have taken. Other experiences may have not been any better or worse, just different, but I think it’s quite normal to wonder about these things, I certainly do.

What has got you thinking about this now OP?

I met dh at 14, got together at 17 and have never slept with anyone else. I don't care about the sex, but I do sometimes wonder if I might be better at relationships if I'd had more practice before this one. But I'd never trade it, we're (mostly!) really happy and I feel lucky to be married to him every day. I think the grass always appears greener, whichever path you've taken. I feel some regret over choices not made which I'll never get to make now, but more "what if" rather than wishing for different experiences, if that makes sense.

Trust me, you haven’t missed out on much!

@Eleganz I’m not sure really. When I was younger I often went through stages of feeling too tied down and tried to break it off, but we always stayed together.

I suppose now I’m getting to this age and thinking back of all the fun times I could have had in my 20’s/early 30’s, not really sex related, just having fun, being with different people. That’s not going to happen now

I mean, if you were single and settled down later, how was that? Do you have a really exciting life to look back on, full of stories, in that respect? Or is it really nothing like that?

You have probably not 'missed out' on anything to be honest! - I've been with DH since we were 22 (now 50+!) I had a lot of 'experiences' but none measure up to what I have with DH- although we started as a random hook up as well that just kept going.

Be careful what you wish for is a saying for a reason. If you are happy you are where you were meant to be.

Its not really like that. At least for most women. However hot your body is, you don't get a string of beautiful man to sleep with. For a start beautiful men are like hens teeth, and beautiful ones who you can sleep with without issues, are even rarer. In reality its a lot of ordinary (seen one you've seen them all) men who are interested, most of whom you reject. If they are amazing then you probably end up in a relationship anyway. You've missed less than you think.

I am in a similar boat to the you OP, and can understand the pondering - even though I’m happy with my DH, you can’t help but wonder.

Reading mumsnet has been an eye opener. Ok I might have missed out on some fun, but mainly I’m relieved I’ve missed out on STIs, ghosting, cheating, abuse, dodged someone with a hidden addiction. I could go on.

OP: count your blessings! If you’re pretty happy in your relationship (which does have its downs and boring moments) you’re one of the lucky ones!

You really haven’t. Honestly

I met my DH at 24. A few men before that and some fun experiences, good and bad sex but generally it was a lot of being let down by men! I’m happy with my DH and our family but I do sometimes think about my early 20s and some of the fun I had! It’s nostalgia though and me looking back with rose tinted glasses, there was a lot of falling for the wrong men and being unhappy on my own inbetween.

Nothing to see most men suck at sex anyway it's all about them

My husband was the only man I had slept with. Lost my v to him. After 13 years I went on to sleep with 3 other men and in all honesty I didn't enjoy any of it. One I had a fwb thing for a while but there were 0 benefits. Dreadful and I ended up feeling shit

you missed out exactly nothing

You aren't missing out. I slept with quite a lot of people when I was younger and the majority were shite. DH is the best I have been with and sex gets better with him the longer we have been together.