I’ve missed out on so much-men wise

[Pissingitdown]

Met dh at 17, had lots of flirty fun before that and slept with only one person, then Dh. Over the years until around 26, we were off and on sometimes and had a difficult, quite intense relationship. I slept with 3 more men in that time (when we weren’t together) not really one night stands, but also not properly relationships.
I’m now early 40’s and wonder how much I’ve really missed out on in life, having not been in more than one relationship all my life.
I also wonder about other men and how good sex may have been and how I might not really have experienced anything.

Aibu to feel that I may have missed out? Or is there not really that much to have missed out on…if that makes sense?

Does anyone feel the same as me at this age?

I feel all my hot body years and previous fairly good looks have gone. All those beautiful guys I missed out on 🤷🏻‍♀️

You're fine. I wish I'd met my husband sooner.

I can't even remember a lot of the men a slept with, they meant so little.

Settling down later in life usually means you’ve experienced heartbreak and disappointment. I don’t think anyone gets to their 30s and just thinks, right I’ll find my DH now and they click their fingers and settle down with their perfect match.

I'm confused as to what you think you've missed out on. What would you have gained from these other men?

Met DH at 23 and haven’t had any other serious relationships (maybe a couple of dates with people but nothing more). I’m really happy I found someone and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else - don’t feel I am missing out.

Do you love your husband?

I met my partner when I was 32 and he was the 40th person I had sex with since I was 17. Most of those were short term dalliances, a few longer relationships and one serious 4.5 year relationship. I won't lie, I had a lot of fun meeting new people, encountering different ways of looking at things and doing things I wouldn't have ever done if I hadn't have been single. I do feel all those experiences made me a more rounded person. I also got to indulge in sex with some gorgeous people! But it wasn't all rosy, dating life can be really brutal and I sometimes felt lonely, insecure and anxious that I wouldn't ever meet somebody to settle down with. Breakups are really awful too, I was very depressed indeed after the serious relationship ended. So although I don't in the slightest regret how things panned out and look back fondly on some of my antics, equally you should realise that the fun also came with a significant amount of heartache, which you would have avoided by finding somebody special early on. Also, such is the joy of the biological clock, we were together only 2.5 years before having kids and I do feel that there is a lot of relationship 'stuff' which is now harder because we don't have that longstanding foundation to support us through the tougher bits of child rearing.

I dunno OP.

I was attractive in my younger years and got my fair share of male attention but spent a lot of time feeling crap about guys who never returned my calls or feeling “ugly” on nights out (even though I look back at old photos and realise I was stunning).

Not all it’s cracked up to be

You've not missed out. I met DH when I was 31 - wish I'd met him when I was much younger, I wouldn't feel short changed if he was my only relationship. Our marriage isn't perfect but it's a lot better than any of my other relationships

Met my DH at 24, married at 28. Prior to him, I'd had one serious relationship, a handful of short term relationships and a few one night stands. Looking back I suppose im glad to have had those experiences, even though there was quite a bit of heartbreak involved!

I met my now DH at 18, met very traditionally during freshers week at Uni, and we have been together ever since. I do know what you mean. My friends who were single for longer had many more experiences over the years as dating has evolved - going speed dating, setting up their first OLD profiles, lots of high highs and low lows - whereas we we're always just steady. I think what seems exciting from a distance is probably much less exciting in practice. Overall I'm happy but occasionally I do wonder what might have been. That's normal, I guess

Met my DH at 27. Him 28. We'd both had two serious, long term relationships prior plus lots in between; our "numbers" are very similar. BUT we both wished we'd met sooner. The only thing I would say, is that he always says if he'd met me 5 years earlier he wouldn't be the man I love today because he had some good life lessons to learn before meeting me.
If you're happy with your DH then that's all that matters.

I’ll admit that the hot young, great body sex that I had before I was married (was 40 when I got hitched) was mostly great. A lot of it better than my sex-life with DH. Some of it terrible, as well... Glad I had those years!

My number is 2 if that makes you feel better.

Previous boyfriend lasted 3ish years, but he turned out to be a mess and we never really clicked. Took a break on having a relationship for a number of years and then met my now fiance. He is lovely, we have our arguments of course, what couple doesn't, but we work well together and I can't imagine my life without him. Plus he's amazing in bed.

You missed out on having sex with random guys. You also missed out on not getting a call back, feeling shit about yourself like maybe you weren't pretty enough or good enough, feeling lonely and wanting someone to love you, not shag you and run. It's not all like that, but it is for many people. They just don't want to admit it.

We often laugh and say we wish we'd met at 16 , not 30.
But we'd probably have ended up with 10 kids. (We have 4).
Seriously you missed out on nothing - bad sex, heartbreak , loneliness and depression.
I guess it makes me totally grateful that I found dh and I appreciate him so much

I’m similar age to you but it stops there.

I’ve enjoyed life and many partners with some lovely friendships along the way; no regrets but we are not a herd and one lifestyle does not fit all.

I've haven't had a active sex life until I met dh and tbh after doing it with DH, I'm glad I only did it with him because all the films, all the secret talk everyone goes on about isn't all that after experiencing it. Everyone's different, I'm different and I can honestly say this that there is no way in hell I could ever do it with a person that I don't love let alone not care or fancy just for the fun of it.

@Pissingitdown

17 was very young to settle down

Thinking of my Dd, I wouldn’t want that for her, I’d want her to live a little first, ideally 30 plus before settling

30 plus??

You haven't missed out. The grass isn't always greener. I've had one night stands before and they were average at best, some were absolutely grim and not worth it in the slightest. It's not what it's cracked out to be. Meeting my husband and being in a loving relationship trumps it all. It might be worth looking deeper at your relationship and seeing where you could spice it up if you are generally happy?

An old friend of mine met her ex dh at 18. They split up when she was 38 as she felt she'd missed out on all the 'fun' the rest of us had had. They were also having fertility issues.

He moved on incredibly quickly and she is 5 years single now and can't find a decent man (her words!)

She does regret the breakup but also knows she would have always wondered.

I met dh at 28 and married at 30. I had a lot of fun before we met but I'd trade that if I could have met dh earlier and skipped over a few life lessons I had while having all this 'fun'.

Yes you have missed out. Sex, flirting, thrill of the chase, is one of life's great pleasures, so to limit yourself to one or just a few partners at a young age does mean you've missed out. But I'm sure your choices brought other benefits, stability, etc

Most of them really aren't anything to write home about.

I hear you OP. I am very similar. Met DH when I was 16. Only slept with 2 people before him.

I think, on balance, I've had more good sex than someone who's played the field with ONS or mediocre rubbish sex with numerous partners. I'm so thankful that I've never done online dating or Tinder or any of that stuff...

DH and I have had a lot of sex over the past nearly 30 years and some has been a bit rubbish, but some has been mind-blowing. We've really grown together.

Doesn't stop me wondering about others tho. And as I've hit my 40s, my hormones have gone into overdrive and I find myself looking at other people wondering what it would be like to have sex with them. I'm not planning to do so but I think it's normal to imagine

My best sex came in my 40's with men in their 40's, you haven't missed out. They aren't in a rush ha ha and have skills. There's always more to explore sexually but you can do that with your DH. Shake it up.

I honestly don’t think you’ve missed out on much. I had ‘fun’ when I was younger, and when I look back I wish Ihadn’tslept with some of the guys I did. The one night stands I had were at best, average

Same. I had two short term boyfriends before I met dh at 25 (44 now)

But I did have a ton of meaningless sex. All very mediocre. At the time, I thought it was great and I was an empowered young woman. Hindsight I wish I hadn't given my body so freely to knobhead men and sex with dh is definitely better that the one night stands from my younger, more attractive days.