I was embarrassingly underdressed

[Peridotty]

We had a Christmas photo shoot for our class (I am a graduate student). We had photos done in front of a nice building. I turned up in an old jumper, black jeans and converse shoes whereas everyone else was dressed in corporate gear (suits, ties, nice dresses and heels or brogues). I stuck out like a sore thumb and I am so embarrassed! I saw the photos and because I am wearing white and everyone else was wearing grey, navy, black I was also very eye catching. I keep cringing inside. The memo was to dress nice but I thought wearing a suit would be overkill for the Christmas photo so I wore a jumper and jeans instead.
Do you think you would be cringing ?

Oh, what is a graduate student? I read that to be work placement type thing

No, it’s a student still. One who has their degree, but is studying for more advanced qualification. So kind of like the difference between a gcse and an a level student. Same deal, more advanced.

Generally for grad students the dress code is no different than for any other student. In my day we had all sorts! In fact anyone overdressing would be considered to be worrying too much about appearance when their mind should be in academia!

You need to go and buy some good (not formal) interesting clothes- a really good pair of boots, a dress, a top or two, or good Jeans, a couple of decent jackets

Why? When I was a student that would have been an utter waste of money and never worn. Academia is very different to the working world. I was in the lab every day and many of my clothes were ruined by chemicals, no way was anyone wearing anything decent.

It’s a bit embarrassing but don’t let it get you down for long. You live and learn.

You’re studying and parenting a 1 year old so I’m going to take a wild guess that you’re pretty tired out, and that makes everything seem worse. So try not to give it too much more thought.

FWIW, ‘dress nice’ is a really unhelpful instruction.

The memo was to dress nice so you wore an old jumper, jeans and converse? I wouldn’t have opted for that choice based on what you were told. It’s awkward enough to stand out in something like that but worse when you were given the heads up so it was avoidable. Pretty sure it’ll all be forgotten by everything apart from you in no time though.

Why? When I was a student that would have been an utter waste of money and never worn. Academia is very different to the working world. I was in the lab every day and many of my clothes were ruined by chemicals, no way was anyone wearing anything decent

But surely you did something outside of work/study? When I was doing my masters I still needed clothes for general living/evenings out etc.

Is there any reason why you have so few clothes… I find only 2 jumpers rather limiting if I were to try and manage throughout winter.

No idea what you are asking if YABU or not about so haven't voted, but I have no sympathy for you here.

Two massive clues :

1. The e-mail telling you to dress up
2. The fact you were there the year before when you saw that people wore suits or dresses.

Plus, most people would say "what do they mean in the dress code" to their friends or peers, if they weren't sure.

Even on the day, you could have moved to a back row to hide your jeans and converse and perhaps borrowed a jacket for the class photo rather than sticking out like a sore thumb on the photo everyone will have to keep forever.

I love this OP. Id own it and do it every year. Make it a 'thing'!

I love this OP. Id own it and do it every year. Make it a 'thing'!

We all get things wrong sometimes - “dressing nice” is open to interpretation and anyone that is nasty about you wearing a jumper in a photo is fucking sad.

Surprised to hear about the suits. I’d have gone in something like a jumper and skirt or (non-work) dress in a jolly colour. What are grad students doing dressing like Apprentice candidates?

Some blunt comments on here I'm sure next time you will ask others how they are going to dress and dress appropriately. Don't dwell on it.

@NotMyselfWithoutCoffee

Dress nice to me would be smart casual

I agree. I wouldn't have worn a suit - am surprised that everyone else did. I would have expected the invite to say 'business dress' if that was the expectation. But I wouldn't have worn sneakers and an old jumper either.

Don't worry, OP - you've probably made the day of the 2nd most scruffy person there, and you'll know for next time 😉

Tbh I'm more shocked that a prestigious university sent a memo asking people to "dress nice".
I love a cable jumper myself.

You specifically got told to dress nice... Is it a really nice old jumper?

When I hear 'nice' I don't wear clothes I describe as 'old' as old is reserved for things that look well worn. I have nice vintage stuff but I would describe them as 'old' so I'm wondering what you meant by old.

If told to dress nice I would never wear converse, on what planet is that nice? for casual I would wear pretty ballet flats or boots and for dress strappy heeled sandals or heeled shoes.

Black jeans are likely fine, black jeans photograph similar to black trousers unless they have ripped patterns or brand logos across the ass, etc...

Honestly, any time I'm told to dress nicely for a casual event I either grab a skater dress, tights, and shoes or dress jeans, dress top, blazer, and boots.

Trainers/flip flops/crocs/uggs, tight-fitting short dresses, shorts, tracksuits, leggings or anything described as 'old' really have no place being worn under the descriptor of 'nice' - unfortunately, you fell fowl of 2 of these, its a lesson learned through embarrassment but I bet you wont make this mistake again.

Your only option is to become the most successful out of the group to prove clothes don't matter

Are you a medical student? I can't think of any other type of students who wear suits and stuff if asked to 'dress nice', scientists would pick their best t-shirt and possibly brush their hair! Even for student graduations, some staff wear jeans. Hairstyles include brightly coloured, dreads, all kinds of things.

I can't imagine why everyone would be so formal but it does seem a bit strange you wore a dress last year and then jeans and a jumper this year, but there you go.

I don't think this really matters, it's for a Christmas card and no-one will be scrutinizing this carefully at all, it's just not a thing.

This is odd, you were there last year and saw that the men wore suits and the women wore dresses (even if you think they were more casual), you wore a dress yourself and yet this year you thought jeans and an old jumper would be acceptable this year?

Also to everyone querying the "dress nice" directive I strongly suspect that was not the wording on the email but is the OP's shorthand form of explaining how people were supposed to dress.

Do you think you would be cringing ?

No because I would have dressed up as the memo said.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I love this OP. Id own it and do it every year. Make it a 'thing'!

Repeatedly doing something dorky doesn't make it a "thing". Jesus 😂

@Nomoreusernames1244

Oh, what is a graduate student? I read that to be work placement type thing

No, it’s a student still. One who has their degree, but is studying for more advanced qualification. So kind of like the difference between a gcse and an a level student. Same deal, more advanced.

Generally for grad students the dress code is no different than for any other student. In my day we had all sorts! In fact anyone overdressing would be considered to be worrying too much about appearance when their mind should be in academia!

You need to go and buy some good (not formal) interesting clothes- a really good pair of boots, a dress, a top or two, or good Jeans, a couple of decent jackets

Why? When I was a student that would have been an utter waste of money and never worn. Academia is very different to the working world. I was in the lab every day and many of my clothes were ruined by chemicals, no way was anyone wearing anything decent.

Strange because our lab insisted on proper boots/shoes for safety and I never ruined anything I wore because we wore protective clothing (and I even had an accident large vial of blood exploded down my lab jacket without getting any on my jeans or top because I was covered by the lab coat).

If you were caught in the lab without suitable footwear and protection you were kicked out instantly so I can't see how you didn't have decent boot/shoes or where ruining so many clothes.

Yay, I love your individuality. Dressing nice should mean comfortable anyway imo :)

Whoever instructed you to dress "nice" (particularly to a bunch of students) was an utter dimwit.

To be honest, I'm more surprised that a bunch of other graduate students interpreted it as suits etc. They're the odd ones, not you.

Anything done repeatedly is a thing. For OP, it'd be a thing. Im confident others couldnt care less.

No-one will care so don't beat yourself up about it!