I was embarrassingly underdressed

[Peridotty]

We had a Christmas photo shoot for our class (I am a graduate student). We had photos done in front of a nice building. I turned up in an old jumper, black jeans and converse shoes whereas everyone else was dressed in corporate gear (suits, ties, nice dresses and heels or brogues). I stuck out like a sore thumb and I am so embarrassed! I saw the photos and because I am wearing white and everyone else was wearing grey, navy, black I was also very eye catching. I keep cringing inside. The memo was to dress nice but I thought wearing a suit would be overkill for the Christmas photo so I wore a jumper and jeans instead.
Do you think you would be cringing ?

Well said @DameFanny

but the idea of having to have an outfit for every occasion dreamt up by an indoctrinated idiot who mustn't be able to recognise decent fit

Also, the idea that people judge you based on how you are dressed.

I can do my job just as well in leggings as in a trouser suit. My male work colleagues don’t need to tie a piece of cloth round their neck to perform their duties better. Such outdated views about what clothes should be worn in any given situation.

There’s a time and a place for Chuck Taylors (I assume that’s what you mean by “Converse” - no one calls them that here) but this clearly wasn’t it. Did you not have at least a proper pair of shoes? Black jeans can look like ordinary black trousers from a distance so that’s not too bad not the footwear? No way.

If the person who made the request can't make clear to all the members of the group what he means he's the one who should be feeling bad. Prestigious unis always have international students/staff and he should have taken that into account.

I wonder why some posters are taking the time to tell you you're stupid? What unmet personal need are they trying to fill by being unkind without offering advice?

@BritWifeInUSA

There’s a time and a place for Chuck Taylors (I assume that’s what you mean by “Converse” - no one calls them that here) but this clearly wasn’t it. Did you not have at least a proper pair of shoes? Black jeans can look like ordinary black trousers from a distance so that’s not too bad not the footwear? No way.

Converse shoes just means shoes made by Converse, over here.

There’s a time and a place for Chuck Taylors

The time is whenever and the place is where you are. It’s a pair of shoes. She didn’t turn up in her slippers. I own two pairs of black trainers and a pair of winter boots. I wear whichever are better for the weather.

@BoredZelda

There’s a time and a place for Chuck Taylors

The time is whenever and the place is where you are. It’s a pair of shoes. She didn’t turn up in her slippers. I own two pairs of black trainers and a pair of winter boots. I wear whichever are better for the weather.

The time is whenever and the place is where you are If you really believe that, you clearly don't get out much.

[quote Peridotty]@UniBallEye I am a graduate student at a very prestigious university think Oxford/ Cambridge type and an annual Christmas photo is always taken in front of nice buildings and then sent to everyone as a Christmas card, pinned on fridges etc.[/quote]
If they do this photo every year haven't you seen one before and have an idea of what people wear and what sort of photo it is

If you really believe that, you clearly don't get out much.

I get out plenty. And go further because I’m not crippling my feet into shoes I hate wearing because of some outdated idea of “proper shoes”

Even if it didn't say dress nicely, surely the outfit you chose wouldn't be suitable for having photos taken?

@2girls she's been in the photo before and her clothes wouldn't have felt out of place in previous years.

Just saw the photo. That's actually not that bad.

I think you sound very down to earth op. Yes you might have missed the mark and it might feel embarrassing now, but it's really not that important in a weeks time. I think I read that you are in a nursing profession, I would think you should be acknowledged for that rather than posters picking on you for what you wore.

@DameFanny she IS in the US. I think it's Boston. I remembered a previous thread about her childcare.

And @DameFanny she says she wore a dress last year but didn't want to wear it twice so her choice of clothes last time were much more suitable.

You're right @Shallwegoforawalk, I missed that she isn't UK.

Still think the obsession with looking like middle-management in plastic fabrics is weird though

Yes, that outfit you posted looks out of place with a ‘nice’ dress code where people interpreted it as dresses etc. However, they are only clothes and looking too casual isn’t a disaster, so don’t feel too bad. You do need to get an emergency LBD though - one you can wear with tights and a jacket, or heels, or ankle boots - basically something that will stop you from being in this situation again. To have so few clothes that you only really have one old jumper to ‘choose’ from when you need to get dressed really shows you need to invest in something! Even if it’s from EBay or a charity shop!

‘Dress nice’ is a vague instruction, to me that could range anything from smart casual to cocktail and everything in between.

It's not vague in the US, where the OP is.

It is very specific. It means formal.

If the person who made the request can't make clear to all the members of the group what he means he's the one who should be feeling bad.

It's her second year, by all accounts, and she's not a person who has never ventured out of the UK either. Understanding some of the nuances of language shouldn't be beyond her.

And actually she did understand perfectly what was required, because the only reason she didn't wear the dress was that is wasn't ironed. She just chose not to bother ironing and went out dressed inappropriately.

Still think the obsession with looking like middle-management in plastic fabrics is weird though

What makes you think the fabrics worn weren't natural?

My DS has three suits, all fine wool, all tailored to fit. I bought him his first one for his high school graduation at age 18. He wore it to his university graduation too.

But she's a medic not an office manager...
Medics dress appropriately in the US, where she is. British snobbery about looking smart is rearing its head here. Professionals and students in professional schools in the US dress appropriately, and understand what style of dress is necessary for different occasions.

...not in the US...
Already dealt with...

...and office clothes are mostly naff unless you can afford decent fabrics and are in the ~20% of the population that's the same proportions as the manufacturer's fit models....
You can buy very nice suits, blouses, trousers, skirts, and dresses in Nordstrom Rack for less then you would pay in Nordstrom proper and get them tailored on site. In many Nordstrom Rack stores they will tailor items you bought elsewhere.

Why do that to yourself if you don't have to? And she already said she saw it as a prompt to those who hadn't been there last year. If anything, they overdressed.
No, everyone understood the message, and so did she. She just didn't want to iron. She would have worn it if it had been ironed.
The idea that everyone else was overdressed is a new version of 'everyone's out of step except our Johnny'.

It's important in the US to not be that new mother who can't keep all the plates in the air at once.

Let it go op and treat it as a learning experience to check the dress code in future

@mathanxiety

Still think the obsession with looking like middle-management in plastic fabrics is weird though

What makes you think the fabrics worn weren't natural?

My DS has three suits, all fine wool, all tailored to fit. I bought him his first one for his high school graduation at age 18. He wore it to his university graduation too.

This puts you in a really small percentage of the population that can afford both decent fabrics and tailoring. The OP certainly isn't in that percentage right now, and to get that sort of fabric and fit would need to go into debt and take time out from uni and motherhood to arrange.

Which is why I say plastics, because polyester and polyester mix is what most people will end up in if they buy formal wear on an ordinary person's budget

It's why I sew, so I can wear nice things without contributing to the epidemic micro plastics problem.

It's important in the US to not be that new mother who can't keep all the plates in the air at once.

Awful, hideous truth that mothers aren't ever allowed to not pretend that motherhood doesn't take time and money.

Maybe it should be important to change that?

It's important in the US to not be that new mother who can't keep all the plates in the air at once

Is that a good thing, though? Mothers in the US aren’t given sufficient maternity leave, and are then expected to act like they don’t have a baby who has demands on their time and finances? That’s a culture that needs changing, surely?