Santa letter and school AIBU

[Myotherusernameisbest]

DD came home from school yesterday and told me the teacher had asked them all to write letters to Santa. Its still November, but hey ho.
DD is 6.
The teacher then told them she would post them off.
I thought nothing more of it as assumed the letters would be shown to parents, so we've an idea whats on them.
But today I have seen an email from the school detailing their whole santa letter thing.
Apparantly, the letters are 'sent off'. parents don't see them. And not only that they have the year 4's (so 8 year olds) read the letters and reply as though they are santas elves.

I didn't know if I'm over reacting but I think its a bloody stupid idea because:

1. I usually write the santa letter with the DC so I've some control to a degree of what goes on it. And then I know that they will get at least a couple of things from their list. I have no idea whats on this list and DD is being a bit vague as to what she wrote on it.
2. It now means we won't write our own letter to santa because you can't write him mulitple letters!
3. Not showing it to parents - for the same reason above, so we have a chance of getting something off it.
4. Its still bloody november
5. Having 8 year olds reply to the letters, knowing they are from year 2's. My older ones still believed in santa at age 8, so this is basically telling them its not real. And I consider it lying to a degree as they are opening deceiving the year 2's.
6. DD believes in Santa and they are given the impression the replies come from the elves. But surely all it takes is one 8 year old to say to a younger sibling, oh our class were the ones that replied to your letters, not santas elves, and it will spread round the year 2's like wildfire?

Its apparently an exercise in letter writing for the year 2's and also year 4's. Oh and the year 4's will also be reading the replies to the year 2's and it will be accompanied by a video of santa which the year 4's make, basiclly also replying to their letter. They sent an example of the video and its really shit. Its like a floating santa head, theres not even a body. Its as fake as it comes.

So, should I go to the school and say what a stupid idea it is, or just leave it, or something inbetween?
And also I''m thinking when DD is in year 4, if she still believes in santa then and they do it every year apparantly, she'll then know the whole letter thing she did was a big massive fake.

I have no issue with the school asking them to draft letters to santa, but surely they should then bring them home for parents to look at (and suggest adjustments where needed!) and not do the whole reply shite. I mean what if the year 4's promise them they'll get the stuff on their list and DD has put something really expensive on there!

If you want to send the letter to the real Father Christmas then Royal Mail will send a reply if you send it in time.

@SinoohXaenaHide

Yes it's a terrible idea.

It's also discriminatory on gtounds of religion or belief because it makes things difficult for those who believe in santa.

You should have the right to demand that your child is given other activities to do elsewhere when this stuff is going on in future.

I can see why the school wouldn't automatically send copies to parents but there should be a procedure where you can aak for a copy if you want to.

Damage limitation - before the y4 letters are sent you could write your own letter from the elves detailing some of the preparationwork going on at the moment and giving a description of a hilatious accident that has unfortunately resulted in her recent letter to santa being destroyed while it was in the room where elves write replies so please could she write a new one asap.

This is the maddest response so far! You want to convince the kid that the fun Christmas activity they’re doing at school is real, but also some mistake has been made so it doesn’t count

School clearly underestimated how mental some parents are about Santa…

I agree. All this stress!! Just write a second letter and maybe dial it all back a bit on "it's oh so magical" so you done get so stressed.

I cannot imagine getting worked up about this.

I do think it's ironic you have such a problem with the lying when the whole santa thing is a lie anyway!

But it's a stupid idea from the school.

This is a terrible idea. And what is worse it is so complex it will have taken hours of the teachers time to think up the ideas and tasks and sort out the tech. I can see why they are doing it - it ticks lots of literacy, use of ICT and group work boxes. However, this is just not a suitable project.

I can't understand why no one planning this gave a though to those children who do not celebrate Christmas. I have taught in schools with large numbers of Jehovah Witness, Muslim, Hindu and Sikh children. They do not have visits from santa. Nor did the many of the children from some of the Christian communities who celebrate Christmas, but focus on the Christian aspects of the celebration and believe it is wrong to confuse children with made up stories about santa.

To clarify these children and their families had no objection to learning about Christmas and would take part in craft and literacy activities with Christmas theme. But the tasks the OP describes go far beyond that. The children are being asked to do tasks that assume they will all be getting a visit from Santa. They will not. How are they going to explain that to those children?

I assume that there will be alternative work for any families who want to opt out? But why set this up in the first place. I also worry about the younger children having their expectations raised and the disappointment this will cause.

Badly thought out all round.

@jetadore

Get a grip people. What’s with all the ‘shit’, ‘stupid’, ‘terrible’, ‘raging’ etc. Ok it’s got it’s flaws but worse things happen at sea, you guys are overreacting.

I'm thinking the same. I mean, no one has given a thought about "all the kids who don't celebrate Christmas" for the last 50 odd years when there's been endless nativity plays and Christmas concerts. That they start practicing for in October.

Surely by now you should have done all your Christmas shopping anyway.

I teach Y2 and this is such a bad idea! I wonder if the teachers involved have children themselves. Yes, I’d let her know it’s just pretend and do the ‘real’ letter with her.

There is a huge difference Robloxdiamonds. These children are not learning ABOUT Christmas - these activities are set up with the assumption that they will be actually celebrating Christmas themselves - expecting santa to visit hem. He will not.

Taking part in Christmas themed activities such as plays and concerts is very different from what the OP is describing here.

Also, any decent school will not have ignored the fact that many children don't celebrate Christmas for the last 50 years.

I’m thinking surely these teachers are young and don’t have children. Nice idea but would have been better to have written to the queen or the prime minister something. Ie an imaginary piece of work for yr2 and an imaginary response from yr4. It even could have been christmas themed.

This definitely is something to pursue. Discriminatory against beliefs and religions. Upsetting for a some children. What happened to inclusion?

@SinoohXaenaHide

Yes it's a terrible idea.

It's also discriminatory on gtounds of religion or belief because it makes things difficult for those who believe in santa.

You should have the right to demand that your child is given other activities to do elsewhere when this stuff is going on in future.

I can see why the school wouldn't automatically send copies to parents but there should be a procedure where you can aak for a copy if you want to.

Damage limitation - before the y4 letters are sent you could write your own letter from the elves detailing some of the preparationwork going on at the moment and giving a description of a hilatious accident that has unfortunately resulted in her recent letter to santa being destroyed while it was in the room where elves write replies so please could she write a new one asap.

Whilst not so severe, I do have to agree with you.

I feel the same about 'what I did over the holidays', 'what I got for Christmas', 'what I did for XYZ celebration'.

There is always some poor little sod who never has anything to contribute. In school I VIVIDLY remember having to do what we did over the summer holidays and read it to the class.

One lad got up and said along the lines of 'my dad came one weekend and we went to Blackpool when we lived five minutes down the road in Fleetwood my brother and I had a pound to play in the penny machines. I played out and Mum took us to the park.' He was made fun of at playtime by the nasty little bastards who had gone on a months' safari and for a week in Cornwall, accompanied by a slideshow of pictures and a bag of souvenirs that were passed around.

Things like this are essentially a class exercise.

There may be some children who have NEVER written a letter to Father Christmas, they WILL be some whose Christmas will include a couple of second hand presents under the tree or no presents at all, some may find the notion of writing to Father Christmas traumatic/writing their wishes may be a very vulnerable thing - 'I did it with my nana and she died, for Christmas I want Nana back', 'I want us to be happy at Christmas' aka I don't want Daddy to get drunk and get angry.

To have these wishes answered by a 9 year old is entirely inappropriate.

Dear Jack, I promise you'll have the best Christmas EVER. You won't have to get your little brothers and sisters up and feed them a cold breakfast because there's no money on the metre, never mind presents under the tree. In a drunken argument last night, Mummy threw the tree over and you had to watch Daddy punch the wall. You will get every present on your list despite the fact that no one in the family has any money. I promise your parents will be so happy and that, unlike every holiday, the police won't have to be called and you won't have to see Mummy get hurt or worry about the risk to you and your siblings. Your handwriting is WONDERFUL by the way.

Dear Tom, sorry to hear your Dad died during the Pandemic. Don't worry, I can't guarantee it but I'm sure I'll be able to bring him back for Christmas. If not I'll send you EVERYTHING on your list despite the fact Mummy hasn't been able to work since he passed away, never mind that she doesn't think she has the strength to go through the motions for her recently bereaved children, now she has to contend with the fact you think Daddy is coming home for Christmas plus you're getting the BMW Police Ride on Bike as well because Freya in year four told you you were!

Dear Emily, of course you can have the £300 LOL doll's house that is keeping your Mummy up at night crying because she knows she can't afford it. You've been so good you'll get everything you want and when you come down on Christmas morning after talking about your reply from Father Christmas DAILY for the past month of course you won't be confused that you have a second hand Christmas jumper that you recognise as your cousin's and a Barbie from the charity shop.

Dear Aisha, I know you're a very devout Muslim and you don't celebrate Christmas but of course I'll bring you presents. After all, your culture is secondary to the whims of the masses. You're already made fun of for wearing a headscarf, smelling funny and having a strange accent. You always dread January because when your classmates ask you what you got for Christmas you always say nothing and they laugh at you. This year might be different.

Christmas is not a blanket 'how much fun' experience that schools tend to think it is. Activities like this really shouldn't be encouraged. The same with Christmas parties, hat competitions, Christmas dinners etc. If it can't be provided by the school then it shouldn't be encouraged. School is often a child's only sanctuary, don't pollute that with the disappointment of home.

Surely a better option would be to reach out to a Salvation Army/charity letter box scheme and write to someone in need. If not just write it to someone who is less fortunate and in need of help. You can make up the information if it makes you feel more comfortable.

Help them with the outline - start with Dear Friend.

What's your name?
How old are you?
What do you like doing?
If you could do anything in the North Pole what would it be?
What do you hope the person you're writing to gets for Christmas/gets to do for Christmas?
Do you know any Christmas jokes/stories? Here are some if you don't.
What's your favourite food. What do you think your friend would like to eat for Christmas?
Do you have any new year's resolution?
What do you hope happens to your new friend in the new year?
Send them your best for Christmas/the new year.
Love XYZ.

@Yourstupidityexhaustsme
Thank you for your post. The illustrative examples are exactly the things I was picturing when I too posted that the Santa Letters are a very bad idea.

I agree too on the summer holidays thing as well I always hated that as a child because there was clearly a sense of smug superiority from the children that had the five star exotic holidays...and the teachers often gave the highest grades based on how exotic the holiday was. I remember several years we did nothing and I had to write about filling a sketch book with drawings or reading a book a week or volunteering to pick up litter at the local park.

@123ZYX

Could you explain to your DD that school are just pretending to get them to practice their writing and year 4 are pretending to be Santa, and that you'll do the real letter together?

I would do this. It's a stupid idea of the schools.

Spot on @yourstupidityexhaustsme. Another aspect that bothers me is the theme of "be good for Santa" so children who don't get what they ask for quietly conclude they must be really bad children. (This happened to a relative when the child's mother went into hospital unexpectedly, and he didn't get something he wanted. He was DISTRAUGHT because he thought it was his fault for being naughty)

My DS did letters to Santa in nursery (dictated to nursery staff - they weren't prodigies 😁) which were never shown to us. I discovered on Christmas Eve he'd asked Santa for a real life windmill (the building type not a beach ornament). They then did another piece of writing in January and put them up on the wall so all the parents could read about my poor child not getting what he wanted for Christmas. I felt like my parenting was being called into question!! Fortunately DS didn't seem to be too bothered but he was a bit disappointed.

Let them crack on. Just tell kids its a fun lets pretend exercise and the real letters are done at home with your mum/dad/adult care giver

I'd tell dc That the school only knows santas helpers, so you'll help her with another letter to santa himself. Its strange they won't allow parents to see the letters

Not sure how great an idea it is but in over 30 years of doing voluntary work with youth groups and in school, I have ony known a couple of children opt out of anything Xmas related. None of them Muslim, Hindu or Sikh. They have all been JW and all have also opted out of anything science related regarding evolution. All the others are quite happy to go along with it even if they don't celebrate at home.

I'd query how understanding this is of cultural diversity within the school. Are all the children brought up to believe in Santa? Someone seems to have got carried away and I'm sure the intentions are good. It's not unreasonable to assume that some of the older children will be writing to their siblings and that's quite bizarre.

Doesn't seem like a big deal to me at all. No idea if DC's school are doing anything similar, it's not been mentioned but if they did I'd just ask DS what he asked for and see if he still wanted to write another letter at home. Then carry on making zero fuss about it and making it no big deal at all.

DC2's nursery are doing that thing where they have a fake camera that Santa is watching them in to check they are good which I don't like but not enough to make a complaint about. None of it is worth being that bothered by.

DappledThings
The santa cam would annoy me and I probably would speak to the nursery because I don't think it's an appropriate way to to teach children how to behave.
It means that santa explicitly or implicitly becomes a threat and children end up making behaviour choices based on fear of not getting gifts, not all families use santa in that way (we strongly disagree with the santa giving presents for behaviour/have you been naughty or nice message). As adults we all know that there is no correlation between a child's behaviour and what presents a child gets, but by using these cameras children are taught there is. It isn't going to be nice as they get school age and hear children they know are disruptive talk about mountains of presents when they didn't get as much, as they've been taught that presents are linked to behaviour.
It also risks causing upset to children who have different levels of impulse control so they might be able to control certain behaviour for a short period of time, but then if they display entirely age appropriate behaviour they're also aware from the presence of cameras that that santa thinks they were naughty.

I hate them, just like I hate it when parents use the police or 'the man/lady' or any other fictional adult as a fear tool to manage behaviour.

LolaSmiles I don't disagree with anything you said. But I've also decided not making a fuss about it is the way forward. She's only mentioned a couple of times and I've just said not to worry about it. If she mentions it again I might get more explicit about telling her it isn't real and Santa isn't watching but for now I think she's mostly ignoring it which is the best outcome.

Oh my god you are being totally ridiculous and I bet they are all laughing about you in the staffroom. I'm laughing my head off at this. What an overreaction by you and everyone else on this thread.

I've literally heard it all now.

DappledThings
It's good if she hasn't picked up on it too much.

I dislike it when schools/nurseries get into pushing particular santa things as families do it so differently, and for each family who doesn't do it or keeps it low key, there's another with hysterical parents crying that the magic of Christmas is ruined because someone told their 8 year old not all presents are from santa, or they need tips on how to prove to their 10 year old that santa is real in order to have another year of magic.

@pompomsgalore

Oh my god you are being totally ridiculous and I bet they are all laughing about you in the staffroom. I'm laughing my head off at this. What an overreaction by you and everyone else on this thread.

I've literally heard it all now.

Do you have an RE co-ordinator at your school? What do they think about an activity that is set up for the whole which by it's very nature assumes all children will be celebrating it at home.

There is a big difference between Christmas themed activities, learning about the Christian beliefs about the birth of Jesus, and looking at how Christmas is celebrated in different ways, and what the OP has described here.

This activity is quite clearly leaving young children with the expectation that santa will be visiting. For many children, for a variety of reasons, he will not.

If the school had ploughed on with the well-meant but frankly stupid idea, I’d have probably had a chat with my kid and explained it was a practice letter/pretend one for fun with school, and then do the real one at home, alluding to the ‘practice’ one.

We write ours and then put in the fireplace so it burns, goes up the chimney (same way Father Christmas comes in of course) and then straight to the North Pole. Saves an awful lot of faffing and you don’t need to post the bloody thing. Anyway, I’d only go to all that effort to mask the school’s efforts while they’re tiny and the magic is still very much alive. I do enjoy the letter writing and burning of it, we do it with some ‘magic pine cones’ that have copper on that makes for rainbow flames in the fire so it seems even more special. Doesn’t have to be a fireplace, fire pits, barbecues and a box of matches in the garden work just as well. ☺️