AIBU to think my landlord needs to grow up?

[WOBNIARM]

On Tuesday just gone (16th) my landlord came to pick up the rent for the month and suggested to me that she needs flyers handing out to shop noticeboards and homes for her new business and asked whether or not I would be willing to do it for her, a few thousand in return for £20.
I explained to her that it wouldn't be as easy to just do all of the flyers immediately because I have to support my partner 24/7 with both her mental and physical health. I explained that this meant that my partner would need to come with me in her wheelchair and that'd make it less easy due to my partner's bones being affected by the cold weather so we couldn't spend as much time out of the warm home we have, more than anything.
My landlord accepted this and just requested that I update her on how I get on, where I've managed to get the flyers to, so she knows where her business is coming from.
Within 5 hours, I'd managed to get them into around 25 out of 30 stores canteens, noticeboards and counters, so I let the landlord know.
Thursday (18th) comes around and my partner having being out for those 5 hours on the Tuesday meant that for the Wednesday (17th) and Thursday she felt like she was practically comatose in her bed, unable to move about due to pain everywhere.
The landlord decided to point out to me that the weather's been dry and is due to be dry all this week, but I had to point out to her that dry weather doesn't mean it's not cold.
My partner was getting a bit annoyed by this (naturally I talk to her about anything that goes on in our lives and affects us.) so my partner called up the landlord.
On the phone call to the landlord, the landlord proceeded to tell my partner that I'd not once mentioned the difficulties that my partner would be facing and the landlord then said if we're not willing to post the flyers (which we had been doing) than she would just get someone else to do it and expects to get the flyers back (which obviously we can't do) as well as £15 out of the £20 she gave us originally for doing it.
I've made up my mind to just give the £15 to the landlord and tell her to get someone else if that's what she really wants, rather than telling lies about not knowing of my partner's disability and causing stress as a result.

Am I being unreasonable to think my landlord needs to grow up?

@WOBNIARM has the GP referred her for any tests? Has she had any scans?

They sound like very generic symptoms so there should be lots of investigations they can do.

You should direct the complaint to the practice manager, not the gp 😊

@TataMamma

Totally tangential, but I once had a landlord who had a term in the contract saying every time I used the kettle I had to fill it up with water ready for next time. Had a different landlord with terms that included not keeping a caravan on the property (it was a first floor flat with no outside space), and not working as a prostitute! Neither caused problems in practice, but I did find it a bit odd!

I would tell your landlord to get stuffed, and keep relations strictly "landlordy", but they are unreasonable as a breed imo.

Normally we don't end up dealing with the landlord directly, we end up dealing with the estate agent who acts as the landlord, it definitely makes things easier. I'm sorry that you experienced those landlord's of your own but hey... If you ever need a place to practice prostitution in a caravan, at least you know not to go with them again.

@Waahingwashingwashing

Your partner really needs to keep a record of who she has seen, the letters they’ve sent following appointments (ask for them), what follow ups are required and the time scales for these and any other referrals that are made following those specialist appointments.

It’s awful to say but you need to be on top of all this or you’ll slip to the bottom of the pile.

Yes, I agree. I'm going to make a list of all the information available to us right now and then I'm going to get all and any remaining information we don't have. You're right. Thank you.

I’m not cross with any individuals but with the system. My GP is great and said the other day he despairs of what is happening. Said it’s great for cancer or heart problems but skin or musculoskeletal forget it.

[quote girlmom21]@WOBNIARM has the GP referred her for any tests? Has she had any scans?

They sound like very generic symptoms so there should be lots of investigations they can do.[/quote]
Yes, she's been for scans and tests, but nothing's popped up. Mri scan didn't show anything, vertigo test didn't do anything, she's just on a waiting list now for physiotherapy in the hopes that might help after seeing muskuloskeletal specialists.

@Waahingwashingwashing

You should direct the complaint to the practice manager, not the gp 😊

That'll be where I went wrong then. I asked the gp where I should make the complaint to and they said speak to receptionist who gave it to gp. I'll find out who the practice manager is.

Agree with WWW and can see that you are going to, you do need to get a file together so you know exactly what is what and when .

Good luck, I hope things improve for you both.

@Volterra

I’m not cross with any individuals but with the system. My GP is great and said the other day he despairs of what is happening. Said it’s great for cancer or heart problems but skin or musculoskeletal forget it.

Mind if I borrow your GP? Sounds like he'd be more helpful!

@Volterra

Agree with WWW and can see that you are going to, you do need to get a file together so you know exactly what is what and when .

Good luck, I hope things improve for you both.

Thank you, I should have done a file on it when it first started happening, but I think both my partner and I assumed it was gonna just get better. Definitely gonna get all the things we need.

Seriously this is bizarre. The stuff on MumsNet does make me wonder what planet people live on.

I really think that you shoyld be focusing on getting her mental health issues diagnosed and treated more that focusing on the physical symptoms. My sister is diagnosed with schizophrenia and she has a lot of phisical pain when she is having a mental health episode which resolves when she is mentally stable again.

Seriously this is bizarre. The stuff on MumsNet does make me wonder what planet people live on.
Same planet with different circumstances, unfortunately the vulnerable in financial distress are often taken advantage of.
Be grateful these issues are not yours.

Is your partner very overweight? Have you considered if it's ME or fibromyalgia? Please go back to the GP. Also did they have this when you met as it's a lot of pressure on you ?

I hope you're getting a rent receipt at least from the landlord. If you're paying the rent in cash it sounds very dodgy. Not least cause you have no proof of payment without a receipt.

Have you got a Welfare Rights team in your area? They can help with pip claims etc.

@Waahingwashingwashing

Also please don’t shout at me by using capitals. I’m trying to help and it spikes my anxiety when people shout either in real life or online. Thank you.

Where was the OP shouting?

@WOBNIARM I was your partner for YEARS! Ask your GP about Fibromyalgia. This is what turned out to be the root cause of my chronic pain & stiffness and diagnosis of it is a process of elimination rather than a diagnostic test. Also, it is sufficient for a claim for the disability element of UC and for PIP.

I now receive both of these and have a Motability vehicle & blue badge. Honestly, keep trying. I would also personally change doctor's surgeries in the meantime. Go see the new doctor with a list of symptoms and the effect it has on your partner's life.
Try not to go off on any tangents - stick to the main points and if it comes to it, demand that your partner is investigated for Fibromyalgia. Your description of her pain & post-exertion suffering sounds very much like me before I was out on the correct medication.
I now have Butrans patches which are 10x stronger than morphine but slow release over 4 days and have given me the ability to walk again and be a parent! I promise you, there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!! 💡

Feel free to PM me, I'm happy to help with advice, guide you both through it or just chat about it?!

@Waahingwashingwashing

Using capitals online is considered shouting :) perhaps you weren’t aware. Thank you for your consideration I appreciate it.

No, you're confusing it. The commonly used acronym for the Citizens Advice Bureau is CAB. The commonly used acronym for Personal Independence Payment is PIP and the commonly used acronym for a Doctor or General Practitioner is GP etc! That is not shouting!! This is a forum - people are going to use acronyms. If you cannot cope with that without mistaking this for shouting and becoming 'offended' then I really don't think the internet is for you....

@Almostmenopausal - I think you're your confusing it. @Waahingwashingwashing was referring to words being typed in capitals not acronyms.

@WOBNIARM - firstly your partner won't get ESA as if you are on UC it all goes through there. You need to send them a fit note to show she can't work.

Also the PIP situation sounds strange. As others have said you don't need a diagnosis to claim. A GP will usually report to UC based on the history they have taken (what you have told them). They don't get into trouble - it is up to PIP to assess and make the decision. Often if there isn't a lot of information from professionals this means they do an assessment. Has your partner never had an assessment?

Lastly, what is happening with her mental health. Surely the GP has given a basic diagnosis like depression or anxiety? Has medication been prescribed? Have you asked for referal to your community mental health team?

Sounds like you are going through a tough time - I hope things improve

This whole thing is massively inappropriate. Your landlord coming round in person to pick up rent, asking you to do massively underpaid work for her business, you telling her loads of details about your partner's mental and physical health, and your partner phoning up your landlord. It's all not good. Just maintain a normal, distant relationship with your landlord and ask her to be professional. This whole situation is bizarre.

@Almostmenopausalntje op addressed me directly in capitals when telling me to do something for them (direct them to sources of help). I asked them not to “shout” when doing so as it’s rude when I’ve gone out of my way to help them and also triggers my anxiety.

I am aware of what acronyms are and how to use them appropriately.

If you don’t know the difference, then perhaps the internet isn’t for you?

Thank you to everybody who's messaged, commented and responded to this thread, for all of your support and guidance. It's very much appreciated. I'm going to remove myself from this thread now and focus on the things I need to do.
I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the day/night.

@Waahingwashingwashing

But the CAB have specialist advisors whose job is to bridge that gap for you?

I'm a welfare rights officer, and ime it is very hard to get PIP without some sort of diagnosis or evidence that there are ongoing investigations in order to provide that diagnosis.

If the OP's partner hasn't been referred to a consultant for further investigation into their health issues/disabilities, it is hard to know what they would answer in S2 of the form, which asks the applicant to list their health conditions/disabilities and the date that they started.

For ASDs and LDs, I've been able to use evidence from schools and EHCPs successfully, but this doesn't sound like a situation where that applies. OT evidence is often helpful, if one is involved.

It's all about evidence, and without supporting evidence the chances of success are very slim. It seems from the OP's posts that the evidence of the GP does not support the level of disability and the level of support their partner claims they have and need.

OP, I think your partner would be well advised to ask the GP for referral to find out what is actually wrong with them,