To wish DH would stop commenting on other women

[burntoutandhungry]

We have two kids. 4 and 8 months
I'm quite overweight.

All DH or should I say DUH talks about is other woman. For example.

"Have to admit when I saw the interviewer I got nervous, it was like looking at you 20kg ago"

"Did you see that woman's behind?"

And it's constant when we are out, inside. After 5 years it doesn't even make me jealous anymore it just exhausts me.

When I pull him up, he says "if your insecurities are bothering you, do something about it!" So I said "well I could go gym in the evenings but when you come home from work you go out to see your friends and when you come home I'm up all night with the baby anyway breastfeeding" then we have a massive argument where he's basically gaslighting me that I'm jealous but I'm actually not at this point.

I have to leave right?

Run don't walk.

I have to leave right

Yes. He sounds like an utter twat.

He sounds vile!

Yes, you need to leave him

Ahh this makes me so sad. Yes you’re right. You’re going to have to leave so that you still have your self esteem in a few years.

Just think, on the days he has the kids you can access the gym and lose that 20kg. OR you can relax and feel safe jn the knowledge you’re good enough either 20kg heavier or lighter. Fuck him.

His comments are vile.
OTOH if my DH put on 20kg I wouldn't be happy. But there are kinder and more subtle ways of getting the message across.

Yes lovely the answer to do something about it is to say calmly and looking him in the eye with contempt ‘you’re right. I’ve packed your stuff and filled the car up so you can get started fucking off out my life, without delay.’

You deserve better. You should be supported and protected by him. You’re nurturing your babies, his babies. You’re keeping a home together. You’re amazing. As they say, if you need to shed some weight, losing that first 12 odd stone of dickhead idiot you’re carrying is the easiest.

It’s not easy and I know you’ll be frightened but yes. You know you do. You will be happy again out the other side. 💐

So he gets home from work and fuck out with his mates.

Bin the fucker

@samthebordercollie

His comments are vile. OTOH if my DH put on 20kg I wouldn't be happy. But there are kinder and more subtle ways of getting the message across.

Yes, I was thinking this last night, Understandably he doesn't find me attractive atm I guess but he still demands sex 5 times a week and gushes over my body but I feel embarrassed and don't even want to engage in physical contact because he blows hot and cold with his words..

He says he will help me.. then brings home a 24pack of cola and practically forced me to eat cake at night guilt tripping me if I don't. Then moans that I'm not doing enough. It's hard to explain.

""Have to admit when I saw the interviewer I got nervous, it was like looking at you 20kg ago"

This is utterly cruel and designed to make you feel less of yourself, to feel weaker and more dependent on him.

Find a way to leave. Protect your children from overhearing this kind of verbal abuse and normalising it in their lives.

What an arsehole! How dare he criticise you! I'm speechless (well I'm not). Tell him you can drop the 20kg but he'll still be ugly. I'm angry on your behalf.

He sounds like a vile little toe rag. Bin. Move on.

@YukoandHiro

""Have to admit when I saw the interviewer I got nervous, it was like looking at you 20kg ago"

This is utterly cruel and designed to make you feel less of yourself, to feel weaker and more dependent on him.

Find a way to leave. Protect your children from overhearing this kind of verbal abuse and normalising it in their lives.

Today I thought about it

If I found out my son was acting this way I'd be disgusted and he will if he grows up like this.

The more I spend with my in-laws I can see where my life is heading just like my mother in law and I cannot do this

Yes, please leave him.

And look at the Freedom Programme. He sounds like a fairly textbook abuser (which is not the same as being a monster).

but he still demands sex 5 times a week

Is he coercing you into sex you don’t actually want yourself but have just to keep the peace? Because that’s rape.

Add that to his constant comments about other women and your weight, combined with him practically force feeding you junk, and he sounds like a really, really sick individual.

I think the first reply summed it up really. Get away from this abuser as fast as you safely can.

So angry I'm posting again! What is it with these men? They meet the sexy girl - marry her - they strut when she gets pregnant - they celebrate when the child gets here then .... All of a sudden you're last year's model and they're comparing you to the shiny new thing that caught their eye the other day?

Your son will grow up this way if you stay. That’s got to be a game changer, sack him off!

You could lose about 15 stone in one easy go

It's hard to explain.

I hear you. It's not good.

Ditch him. You will feel so much better without.

Well three stones is not that much weight to gain, I mean it’s not small but it’s not man v food either,although I’m not sure how he forces you to eat cake though, that sounds really unpleasant.

If you don’t ditch him, start talking about hot men, six packs, large members, who are amazing husbands and father’s, with very good jobs. That should do it. Watch sex life on Netflix
He’s being a dick.

Don’t let him sabotage your diet IF you want to lose weight. Not sure you can diet when breast feeding (I’ve never done it) but throw the baby in a pram and get walking- if you can/want to.

Be damned if I’d have sex with him either, I’d be inclined to say, no sorry I feel far too fat and tired.

Book yourself into some evening gym classes a few nights before week and tell him you're taking positive steps for yourself and he will need to look after the DC for a couple of evenings a week.
He sounds like and insensitive demanding t#@t to be honest.

Leave the waste of space. Lose weight (if you want to!) Then every time you see him, smile. Like this what you could have had sucker!

Make comments on every man you see. Remind him plenty of men like curvy women but not many women like twats.

You have an 8 month old baby.
It takes time to get back to pre birth weight.

If you want to lose weight do it for you.
And if your dh makes more comments like this give him a hard stare and tell him not to be so rude.
And don’t be guilted into eating food you don’t want.

So he insults you, then brands your reaction to his insults ‘your insecurities’, but won’t give you the time and space you need to look after your health because it’s his leisure time, and coerces you into eating cake and drinking sugary drinks? As well as demanding sex 5 times a week?

That sounds like abuse to me.