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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish DH would stop commenting on other women

92 replies

burntoutandhungry · 18/11/2021 20:17

We have two kids. 4 and 8 months
I'm quite overweight.

All DH or should I say DUH talks about is other woman. For example.

"Have to admit when I saw the interviewer I got nervous, it was like looking at you 20kg ago"

"Did you see that woman's behind?"

And it's constant when we are out, inside. After 5 years it doesn't even make me jealous anymore it just exhausts me.

When I pull him up, he says "if your insecurities are bothering you, do something about it!" So I said "well I could go gym in the evenings but when you come home from work you go out to see your friends and when you come home I'm up all night with the baby anyway breastfeeding" then we have a massive argument where he's basically gaslighting me that I'm jealous but I'm actually not at this point.

I have to leave right?

OP posts:

BurntO · 18/11/2021 21:41

I think it’s too far gone OP. He has no respect for you and gaslights you.

BurbageBrook · 18/11/2021 21:43

It’s so bad OP that I’m almost suspecting you’re a troll because how can anyone even put up with this for a day let alone 5 years?

If it’s real… get out of this hellish relationship.

Animood · 18/11/2021 21:43

Have you heard of a revenge bod OP.

Leave him, lose a shit loads of weight. Be happy and free.

You know you want to...

greendiva · 18/11/2021 21:45

What an absolute nasty bastard. BIN HIM!!

3scape · 18/11/2021 21:49

You won't have to listen to it if you get him out of your 'life. To be honest he doesn't sound worth listening to

DrSbaitso · 18/11/2021 21:54

He says he will help me.. then brings home a 24pack of cola and practically forced me to eat cake at night guilt tripping me if I don't. Then moans that I'm not doing enough. It's hard to explain.

He doesn't actually want you slimmer. He's happy enough to have sex with you all the time as you are (and I bet he's shit in bed...men like that always are). But he wants you insecure and uncertain so that you're more dependent on his approval and whatever.

The "you 20kg ago" comment is cruel, sadistic and almost unforgivable when you consider what he wanted it to make you feel. You know there's no reward for putting up with this, right?

RandomMess · 18/11/2021 21:57

He's abusive isn't he.

Criticises your weight then deliberately and forcibly sabotages your efforts to eat healthily. Refuses to look after his DC so you can't do anything for you.

He's punching above his weight so needs to keep your esteem low so you don't leave!

Flippanty · 18/11/2021 21:57

It’s not hard to explain, it’s easy to explain - he’s an abusive piece of shit. He doesn’t actually want you to lose weight because then you might get some self-esteem and leave him. He’d have to think of more creative ways to run you down so you’ll think you don’t deserve any better. You won’t be able to win with him because his only goal is for you to feel shit about yourself.

Gilmorehill · 18/11/2021 22:02

You could lose 20kg and have an amazing body but he’d still not be satisfied.

Frigginintheriggin · 18/11/2021 22:03

You can lose weight but he'll always be a cunt.
Throw the disrespectful arse out 💐

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/11/2021 22:04

He sounds vile.

But it’s clear you want to leave so no point drilling into that. You know the drill - pull all your financial info, go see a solicitor, plan your smartest exit, put your ducks in a row.. and then go. It’s an excellent way to loose a good 12 stone, as an added bonus.

foreverandalways · 18/11/2021 22:07

Tell the test to fuck off

foreverandalways · 18/11/2021 22:07

Twat

MollysDolly · 18/11/2021 22:12

@Santaischeckinglists

Make comments on every man you see. Remind him plenty of men like curvy women but not many women like twats.

This has made me die

In all seriousness OP, is he just properly shit at communication. Does he see that you're unhappy about your appearance, so both gushes over you (to try and boost your esteem about your current self) and also point out how attractive he also used to find you, as in "remember, that was you, you can be her again you know, it was all you then, it's all in your court". Does he make (stupid) "look at her arse" to try and spur you on to lose some weight because he knows you desperately want too and he's trying to kick-start you?

Yes yes, shit delivery. But could that be the case?

Over lockdown when I couldn't have Botox any more, I whinged to DH about looking old. His response, was to do two things. Point out a lot how pretty he thinks I am. Point out a lot that I've got wrinkles. I lost my shit with him about the 20th time he said "look at your little wrinkles" and he was genuinely baffled. Because in his head, he was telling me (and failed to see, critically, this was at completely different times) that I was pretty as well. He meant it as a compliment, that I didn't need the Botox, look how pretty you are with wrinkles. He honestly couldn't have put it more cack handed if he tried. And genuinely got a bit shitty with me for not seeing his "obvious" train of thought.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 18/11/2021 22:13

Jesus yes! Leave and don't look back. What an arse to say shit like that in the first place. It is not insecurity to not want people to say mean stuff to you. Sorry.

TimeForTeaAndG · 18/11/2021 22:20

Ugh it's always either weight or intelligence they go for. My abuser tried to get me with weight and when that didn't work (I was twig like) he moved onto my intelligence. That nearly broke me.

He is not a D anything. He needs to be an XH and I'm glad you recognise it.

mumda · 18/11/2021 22:49

Every time he does then talk about mens arses and six packs and visible penis outlines.

OhGiveUp · 18/11/2021 22:53

Tell him that you intend to lose a few stone of shit by walking out of the door and never going back.

DrSbaitso · 18/11/2021 22:57

I'm not clear if you are sleeping with him, but if so, stop. You don't want to, for a start, and if he wants to insult your body then he can fucking well do without being serviced by it.

Thwackit · 18/11/2021 22:57

I would turn this right round. Tell him you don’t find his attention-seeking comments, nasty little digs and attempts to make you feel shit attractive. In fact, it’s such unattractive behaviour that you’ve now realised you can do better than him.

Watch his face. He’ll shit himself. All this is to make you feel crap so you change yourself to suit what he wants. He won’t be expecting it to backfire and you to tell him that you actually think he’s not good enough for you.

Thwackit · 18/11/2021 22:59

He’s an absolute prick, isn’t he? I’m pissed off just reading this. How dare he? How DARE he try to make you feel shit on purpose.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/11/2021 23:03

Essentially tells you that you aren't attractive anymore but 'demands' sex FIVE TIMES A WEEK.

What a fucking cunt. He's fucking with your head to keep you insecure, confused and compliant.

He's a bully. Fuck that. Don't spend your life with a bully.

For your kids as much as for you.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 18/11/2021 23:05

Well he sounds like an absolute fucking delight. Do you live him enough to be miserable for the rest of your life?

BloodyAlarms · 18/11/2021 23:39

He 'demands' sex while making you feel unattractive?

I'd leave him for demanding sex.

You know the drill OP. Don't bring up your kids like this

StressyWoman · 18/11/2021 23:50

I bet you’re gorgeous as you are and he just wants to chip away at your self esteem to make himself feel better.

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