Silence in the waiting room

[Meatandseventeenveg]

Was at the doctor's with my 2 year old this afternoon. We were playing in the children's corner of the room, nothing noisy but just a chat about the pictures of the animals in the room, and DD was also making the animal sounds.

Another person in waiting room told DD to be quiet as there are sick people there (at this point it was just us three in the waiting room). I'm afraid I snapped back that my daughter is sick as well, and turned away.

My daughter, the angel, understood the woman and proceeded to talk in a whisper until the woman left.

So WIBU to think that toddlers are allowed to talk in the doctor's waiting room?

@SummaLuvin

My daughter, the angel

This alone tells me that you account is probably entirely biased and unreliable. Your little darling was probably a pain in the ass, when you are sick/in pain/tired tolerance for irritating things dries up.

Yep, this.

What do you do to manage that?

I have asked for a private waiting area. Been told there is none at my GP surgery.
I tried.

@claymodels

You really can’t imagine how someone who’s experiencing terrible headaches, ear ache, is feeling disoriented, dizzy, sleep deprived, waiting for results of potentially difficult test etc might be better off and prefer a quiet or silent waiting room?

It's fine for them to 'prefer' a quiet room but waiting rooms at the GP are not designated quiet rooms so it shouldn't be an expectation, no. Sometimes people talk, kids play and realistically a child playing isn't going to make these illnesses worse. Also I do actually struggle with imagination. I'm autistic and it's not something that comes easily to me.

That’s where we differ, I consider them in the same way as I would a library.

Again, the fact that the daughter, when told, was able to then whisper tells me that she is quite capable (once told) of being quieter. All those people saying (versions of)‘have you ever met a two year old?’ - yes, and as with this little one they, when told were able to be quiet and calm for a relatively short period.

A play area in a library isn’t quiet - have you been to a library recently?! They’re community assets, rightly so, with all sorts of groups using them for all sorts of purposes - the days of libraries being deathly quiet areas are long gone, thankfully.

YANBU. Maybe if she was an older child, but a 2 year old is unlikely to sit quietly in the waiting room, especially when they already don’t feel well.

@XenoBitch

What do you do to manage that?

I have asked for a private waiting area. Been told there is none at my GP surgery.
I tried.

I really do understand how difficult it is, worst comes to worst, can you wait outside? I have panic attacks and have had to ask the receptionist to knock on the window when it was my turn as I was panicking in the waiting room and needed to step outside (due to the surgery layout this was not hugely inconvenient, she was sitting next to the window. I know in other surgeries it may not be as easy).

Of course you should be able to expect people to be considerate in a waiting room, but given the nature of it, you could easily find yourself in a room with someone who cannot be quiet. A baby crying despite best attempts to soothe it, a child in pain, my grandad who had dementia used to get quite distressed when he had to go to the dr and so he, along with family members’ attempts to soothe him, weren’t always necessarily quiet.

Obviously those are different to OP’s situation where her child was capable of being quiet, but I just mean you can’t expect a waiting room to be people who are always actually capable of providing a quiet environment.

Is this not just a normal interaction in life?

She was obviously annoyed (either stressed or too ill to cope with the noise) and communicated that.

People are allowed to be annoyed by kids at times and allowed to voice it. I was told off in similar scenarios as a child.

I think you're reading into it too much tbh.

@FatBettyintheCoop

FFS. Of course you were being unreasonable.

You clearly made enough noise that another waiting patient felt uncomfortable.

Surely you could have just read quietly to your daughter like sensible parents do, instead of your rude overreaction?

It’s a bloody doctors waiting room, not the local toddler group meeting.

When out in public one of the downsides is that you have to put up with other people and their general noise. It sounds like the child wasn't doing anything extreme. And sometimes with all the best intentions and every effort to keep your child calm and quiet, you can't expect them to sit in silence for a prolonged amount of time, especially if the appointments were delayed.

Agree @SickAndTiredAgain. No-one has the right to silence in a public area, and no-one should be forced to alter their behaviour to that extent - it would be impossible for many, as you rightly say.

That’s where we differ, I consider them in the same way as I would a library.

You have taken that upon yourself, so yes we certainly differ. If I am expected to be quiet somewhere, I will, but I won't make up bizarre rules of no talking in other places.

Maybe she didn't have good hearing and was concerned that she would not be able to hear her name called over the fluffy tannoy if your DD was making noise at the same time. I feel like this too, but have never told anyone to be quiet. Yet!

@claymodels

That’s where we differ, I consider them in the same way as I would a library.

You have taken that upon yourself, so yes we certainly differ. If I am expected to be quiet somewhere, I will, but I won't make up bizarre rules of no talking in other places.

As you can see by this thread, these are not made up rules. For many people it’s a social norm and expectation which is based on being respectful of other people.

A bit like being in a library - last time I went to one, there were no signs or people saying shh - it is a cultural expectation / norm.

@SirChenjins

A play area in a library isn’t quiet - have you been to a library recently?! They’re community assets, rightly so, with all sorts of groups using them for all sorts of purposes - the days of libraries being deathly quiet areas are long gone, thankfully.

Yes I have, ours is quiet, not silent (even when there are kids there) unless there is a specific kids activity on.

How can strangers the internet possibly know if your child was being too loud??!!

What an odd thread

Honestly you can't even sit in a waiting room anymore with your two year old? What is the world coming to. I find it so irritating to think we actually share spaces with stuck up twats like that. It's pretty obvious that in a public space a child (toddler) is going to talk to their mum surely.
Do other people forget they were probably in our shoes once feeling anxious about keeping their toddler quiet in a compact space? Everyone really is so self centred now. I understand if she was screaming and shouting I would have taken my child out of the waiting room if they couldn't sit nicely and talk, but being spoken to like dirt for my child talking, id have done the exact same and told them where to go.

As you can see by this thread, these are not made up rules. For many people it’s a social norm and expectation which is based on being respectful of other people.

Social norm based on = not a rule. Talking in a doctor's waiting room isn't disrespectful to anyone.

A bit like being in a library - last time I went to one, there were no signs or people saying shh - it is a cultural expectation / norm.

Nothing like being in a library, also this isn't a cultural thing at all it a bit odd to suggest it is. Libraries usually do have quiet please signs up, but obviously I haven't been to your library so can't really comment.

Do other people forget they were probably in our shoes once feeling anxious about keeping their toddler quiet in a compact space
Everyone really is so self centred now.

This made me laugh because of course people remember that, and largely managed it, because we were considerate of other people - I think when you say people are self centred now, I agree but we’re probably talking about different people.

Yes I have, ours is quiet, not silent (even when there are kids there) unless there is a specific kids activity on

Quiet is very different from silent. Someone speaking to and playing with their child in the children’s play corner in a GP’s waiting room is behaving appropriately for that setting.

@ineedsun

Do other people forget they were probably in our shoes once feeling anxious about keeping their toddler quiet in a compact space Everyone really is so self centred now.

This made me laugh because of course people remember that, and largely managed it, because we were considerate of other people - I think when you say people are self centred now, I agree but we’re probably talking about different people.

Sorry you're actually expecting people with children to sit in complete silence? How absolutely pathetic can you get, everyone is in that doctors for the same reason to be seen - so what if you have to sit in a waiting room with children. It makes you a better parent does it if your child sits quietly? I think not. I think it's a toddler and if a toddler wants to talk to their mum they are more than welcome to. Unfortunately is a public space and you will be mixing with people of all kinds of ages. Not once would I ever think to ever tell someone else's child to be quiet.

Feel that your two year old was the most reasonable and tolerant person in the room

Unless your toddler's voice was significantly louder than the voices of all the adults who also speak in that room, YANBU.

This thread is sad now. There are lots of places that it is fine to let your kids 'be kids' in. There are also a few places that not everyone is going to be happy with the noise your children create. A GP waiting room is one of them!

of course people remember that, and largely managed it

Well as demonstrated by another thread, 'people' often remember their parenting more successfully than it actually was.

The world has become a very sad place when you cannot even have a quiet conversation with your child in a GP waiting room. As long as my child is ok and behaving talking quietly and sitting nicely - not shouting/screaming or running around then I quite frankly could not give a damn what anyone else in that waiting room thinks of us or their opinion.

I’d keep a toddler quiet in a waiting room.

It’s about reading a room though isn’t it. If you walk into a quiet room don’t be the one that disturbs the peace and creates a big noise. I get with toddlers its not always possible but honestly for me that would be a rare situation where if all else failed I’d give them my phone to play with or something